Monday, February 18, 2013
Post Valentine’s Day Thoughts
1. If you send someone a gift and you have to call them to find out if it got there, there's a problem. If they're not thrilled enough to let you know immediately they're either not impressed or they're not happy you sent them a gift. Also, delivery is unreliable and it's degrading to make someone ask so don't put them through that.
2. If someone sends you a gift, it doesn't matter what you think of them, it's common courtesy and decency to call the person to say thank you or let them know you appreciate their thought. Doesn't have to be right away but somewhere within 12 hours of receipt would probably make Dear Abby happy.
If you send someone a gift and they don't call you at all to mention it, you probably shouldn't have sent it as the recipient is probably feeling uncomfortable because - suck it up, buttercup - they're just not that into you. Nice try but you didn't score.
3. If you send someone a gift that comes with something inconsequential like a balloon and they say nice things about the main part of the gift but insult the balloon by calling it 'over the top' or 'too much' or something like that, you've overstepped. Either that or you sent a gift to an insensitive nimrod who actually thinks it's okay to say shit like that but more likely they're just sending that same message - they're not that into you.
4. If you get no call at all about the gift, that in itself says more than I can. Face it, they're totally not into you.
5. If you received nothing on Valentine's Day yourself - be it package, card, e-card, text, call, visit, edible arrangement, anything - then as much it is sucks and sting, it's time to face that cold hard reality that your gift was not wasted, it just went to someone who isn't into you. Don't dwell on it, cry it out and let it go.
6. All you happy folks who got things right and sent little things (I've seen everything from deliveries to notes to flower words to fruit), good for you. I hope your efforts were appreciated and returned and sent to people who deserve your thoughts and efforts.
I'm thrilled for my friends who got married today, the originality of some of the baskets and pies and things I've seen and touched by the words of others that I've read to those who matter to them. We won't discuss my own craptastic Valentine's Day or what number of the above I fall into but it was one I shall quickly file into "Craptastic Valentine's Days" in my head and muddle on.
Sometimes the hardest fucken thing to do is truly - genuinely and truly - accept that something you want or wish for or have tried for is in your head, that other person just isn't into you. Stop blaming yourself, stop with the thinking you're not good enough and just keep in mind that while you're sitting here desperately wishing someone was thinking about you who isn't, you're completely oblivious to someone who's sitting there desperately wishing you were thinking about them.
Happy Thank The Goddess Valentine's Day is over!
Saturday, February 09, 2013
Late Start to 2013
I had all these ideas for 2013 that are still waiting to be set into motion. Everything got all screwed up with the car and people and my own inability to see what's right in front of me and now here it is 2/9/13 and I've gotten nothing done. It's not the end of the world, it's still early in the year but Spring is going to be here fast and every year I say I'm going to be ready for it and I never am.
Old habits are easy to slip back into. I've caught myself regressing the past month and it bothers me that it's that easy to go backwards after a whole year of forward motion. While a good deal of it was negativity that wasn't mine or in any way my doing but I'm the one who allowed it to get to me and set me in a backwards spiral. The car thing was huge. I went through too long a period not having a car the first time and then this was supposed to be over by Christmas and I still don't have my car.
And what do I get for being nice? Called a 'dumb bitch' by one for helping a friend, called co-dependent by another, called 'stupid' and 'naive.' Not that I let it get to me considering the sources but I'm fucken tired of people opining on shit they should just shut up about. My 30 year best friendship is no one's business but mine and my friend's, worry about your own shit and your own fucked up lives and leave mine alone. Never how it works though, the insecure and the miserable will always go out of their way to bring down those they feel intimidated by for whatever reason. Dumb bitch, I got your dumb bitch right here, bub.
I think I'm on to something here. If I can pinpoint all the mistakes I'm making I can fix them. Couldn't be done on FB though. Everyone thinks everything is about them and my mother doesn't need to read every damn thing I write. I'm always brutally honest here and I think I have some beating up on myself to do before things can get back in place. On FB people think I'm looking for sympathy or attention or validation and they couldn't be more off. Of course it comes from people that don't know me very well or know that I've been spilling my life here for years so screw it. I know what I'm doing, time to stop letting the real passive-aggressive ones mess with my head.
I'll be back later, right now I'm nauseous as hell and I know the pressure is up so I'm going to go back to FB and have some fun. More reflections later. Many more.
A Random Thought!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Holy Crap, She’s Blogging
The good thing is, blogging isn't what it used to be so I can go back to the way I've always written. Honest. Blunt. I got into the habit of self-censoring and posting and then deleting out of consideration and all it got me was high blood pressure and called passive-aggressive. I have never been passive-aggressive, it's time to leave FB for fun stuff and mid-level serious stuff and take the real shit here.
My head's a bit fucked right now. 2013 was supposed to start in a completely different way but instead it was delayed due to cars and bullshit and asshole pseudo-mechanics and three weeks of negativity swirling around me. Now I'm all focused on the jump and poof, January is gone. The first month gone and I've basically done nothing.
I don't expect many people to read this thing anymore but it doesn't matter. This is where I come to figure it out and it's my little world. It's not FB so it doesn't just show up on a feed unless someone puts it there so what is said here is not to be hurled at me in conversations. This read is entirely optional.
My life is teetering right now. I'm standing in the middle with a foot on each side of the see-saw and it could go either way. For as much that went well in 2012, there is an equal amount of things that went poorly. Yet there is comfort and familiarity on that side, all I've come to know and become accustomed to. On the other side is chance and new starts and things that fit in well with a weight loss of 105 pounds but there is no security and no sureness. I find the middle boring, it goes nowhere, never moves.
Once this jump is over it's going to be a lot less FB and a lot more introspection. Some might say this is a bad thing, I don't. I prefer those with the ability to be introspective, it shows strength of character.
Welcome back. blog. It's just you and me this time around..