WebKittyn Warbles

This took a lot to do, Darkstar and Kittyn spent the entire day discussing this. Meathe and Deathsquad don't even know we're about to do this as it's something Kittyn always swore she would never do. Kittyn can be stubborn as a moose and even in these hard times she swore it would never come to this.

Well, it came to this. KMRL is asking you for your help.

Currently the station is down because well, we plum ran short on the necessary funds to keep everything running. Keeping it real and fully licensed with a decent default rotation costs money and it's just been a tough year, particularly with Kittyn on disability and a small fixed monthly check.

What we won't do is compromise our values. It would be easy to hop on a simple Shoutcast server and do the shows but then we're not royalty covered and we believe the artists we play are entitled to get paid for being played. Being able to say we were royalty-covered was a big thing for us and we won't let that go.

We've also had a level of dissatisfaction with Live365 recently, whether it's player issues or other issues you don't need to be bothered with. Our goal was always to run a solid station with multiple connection options, a better default list with requests and a phone line for call-ins.

It doesn't make sense to go back to where we were and not be able to do anything with what we had. Sometime last year we invested $300 in a program called SAM that does amazing things and would elevate both the live and default parts of KMRL to a whole new level. We never put SAM into use as it is a huge and complex beast and we need separate machinery to make it happen.

This is where we turn to you. And it sucks, I know. How dare we stick out our paws and ask you for money right after everyone just went broke on the holidays. We know. We didn't want to do this.

It's going to cost approximately $700 to get KMRL back up and running the way it was meant to run with the integration of SAM and the ability for ALL new hosts to use SAM. It's going to cost that to get it all together so we turn to you and ask for your help if you can.

Somehow we'll get it done, KMRL was never supposed to be a 'listener sponsored station,' the thought of asking people for money for KMRL makes Kittyn want to put on Mitternacht and go out stabbing. It's perfectly fine to tell us to go screw ourselves and ignore this, it may take us longer but KMRL will re-emerge in a new and improved way.

However.. If you miss having Darkstar there with you in your bedroom every Wednesday night or going to sleep to Treeman late at night or getting your GWAR on with Deathsquad or listening to Kittyn rant about nothing and you have a few doubloons you can spare, all help is deeply appreciated. More than you know. It doesn't matter how much, the gesture in itself will be enough to make Kittyn tear up.

We've made a new email account that is linked to Kittyn's paypal just for this occasion, if people are going to be generous they might as well get a laugh out of it as well.

Donations should be made to

Again, please do not feel obligated as this is not your responsibility and we will eventually come back to you bigger and better but hey, it's the season of love and puppies and we're really hurting financially along with tweaking hard about not being able to broadcast so we've sucked up our pride and we ask for your help.

Help revive and improve KMRL, it's good for your kidneys and Darkstar will love you for life.

Again, donations should go to

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Kittyn, Darkstar, Deathsquad and Meathe.

I'm having a real hard time with Thanksgiving. I'm having a real hard time with the whole thought of the holidays in general but since T-day is only a week away it's getting to me. The first major holiday without my dad, it's really messing me up.

I have a million vivid memories of Thanksgivings long gone by when I was a kid. My mother would go all out and would begin days in advance making bread from scratch. Different kinds of bread, all hot and perfect come Thanksgiving night. My two aunts and grandmother would come over in the afternoon and my aunts and my dad would sit around drinking beer and laughing. The house always smelled amazing and it was just warm and filled with everything Thanksgiving is supposed to be about. The meal was always perfect. My mother may not be the world's greatest cook but she puts out a mean holiday spread. After dinner we'd all move back to the living room and play games, tell stories or do whatever until my aunts and grandmother went home at night.

I've made it up here every year for Thanksgiving since my folks moved to the middle of nowhere. The feasts weren't as grand but they were always good and there was love and warmth in the house and that's what it's all about.

This year it's all different.

Two years ago when he got sick it was right after Thanksgiving so even though he wasn't well, he was still here and he had his turkey. Last year we were so amazingly thankful to have him home and at the table for Thanksgiving, I think last year was the most meaningful and close-to-the-heart Thanksgiving I've ever had.

This year it's all different. I know how much my dad loved Thanksgiving and the day after. I see how much it's killing my mother to have to deal with Thanksgiving without him.

I don't want to turn into one of those people who shuns the holidays because of my own sadness. I love to see the joy in the faces of people around me and I love the whole holiday spirit but at the same time I find myself overcome with loss and sadness and wishing it wasn't the holiday season. I guess that's normal but it sucks.

Usually Darkstar is here for Thanksgiving but until a few days ago, we weren't having any form of Thanksgiving so for the first time in many years he'll be spending it with his family. I decided I can't let the sadness win so I'm making a meal. It's way too much food for two people but Darkstar will be up that Sunday and leftovers are a good thing. It feels like the right thing to do for me to make some sort of turkey dinner, it seems like what my dad would have wanted instead of two sad people sitting around staring at each other ordering Chinese take-out.

It's hard listening to my friends talk about their family get-together plans. I'm genuinely happy for them but at the same time I'm jealous because I can't have that. I'm not saying I'll never have a happy holiday again but this is the first one and I'll never have a holiday with the most important man in my life again and I'm forced to come to terms with that as I'm slammed in the face with holiday stuff everywhere I look.

I have some awesome friends to lean on to get me through it who don't act weird around me because they have what I do not. I've got one friend who offered to take the day after off and drive 300 miles just to keep me from sitting around by myself eating leftovers and being depressed.

I'm kind of numb. I go from alright one minute to gut-wrenching tears in the blink of an eye and then back to alright. The closer it gets the more it messes with my head. Thinking back on the good times in the past doesn't help either. Maybe in time it will but right now it just makes me more sad and makes me want to go back in time and I can't do that.

I guess I just have to deal with this first Thanksgiving and then Christmas and be what I am. If I'm sad, I'm going to be sad. If I'm okay then I'll be thankful for a brief respite from the sad and take the okay. When I cook the turkey I'll be thinking of my dad and how he would have been busting my chops about my cooking abilities. I can see him in his chair with a big plate of taters and gravy watching football or something WWII related.

Sometimes the veneer totally cracks and I just crawl into bed and cry. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want pity or people acting cautious around me so I grab the closest cat and cry it out. Sometimes I just want the holidays over and then the inner child in me that loves decorations and the spirit kicks me and I feel a little better.

I guess it's just going to be a rough holiday season for me. I have no choice but to get through them though and do the best I can to make it as pain-free for my mother as I can and keep my own blood pressure and emotions in check. I just miss him so much still, it kills me.

Please just let me make it through Thanksgiving in one piece. Give me the strength to hold it together and cook a decent meal.

Man, this sucks.

I'm really torn in half with the approaching holidays this year. That kid in me who comes alive around this time every year wants to emerge but I'm also facing my first holiday season with my father. It's going to be an up and down ride through the next two months, hopefully with the strength of my spirit, my friends and the wisdom of others, I'll get by.

One thing I want to do that will take my mind off the sad stuff and let me have a few minutes of happy thoughts is to send personal Christmas cards. Handwritten cards that actually say something about each individual person.

I don't ask for cards in return. I'll post my address in case anyone wants to send a card but this isn't an exchange. It's something that will make me find a little bit of holiday spirit and I've learned to appreciate the little things when I can find them.

So please, if you're interested in a Christmas card with a heartfelt personal handwritten message (the card will probably have a cat somewhere on it) then email me your address. I won't share your info, promise.

We call this holiday blahs prevention 101.

My email is .

My address is:

Heather Ives
66 Read Rd
Red Hook NY 12571

I knew I wouldn't get bad news on my dad's birthday, the Fates just aren't that spiteful.

The call came today, what I have been angsting over for the longest time. I asked my dad for his help last night. I'm still at a point where it's hard for me to talk to him out loud knowing he's not there but I did last night.

I knew with all the waiting and non-answers that if I was going to get an answer today would be the day.

I got my answer.

The lawyer with the 100% win rate, the lawyer who accepts 1 of every 10 malpractice/negligence cases he sees finally said those magical words. "I've accepted your case on retainer." "We're a go." "I don't like to whip my clients up but you've got a very strong case." We've got two (three if needed) experts from Yale (ER doctor and a nephrologist) who are willing to testify. We're going to court.

It's finally sinking in.

Thank you, Dad. Much love.

Today is my father's birthday. He would have been 77. It's the first one without him and I don't need to say how difficult today is already and it's only 2AM. It's going to be a really hard day for my mother.

I remember last year, how happy we were to have him home from the hospital and here with us for his birthday. He wasn't up to going out but we had a nice dinner in and it was just enough to be with him. I would give anything to go back a year.

Happy birthday, Dad. I haven't made it through a day in the past ten months without breaking down in hysterics. I miss you so much it kills me, there's so much I see every day I know I would be laughing at with you or sharing with you. I hate not having you here and I don't know if I'm ever
going to be alright again.

I'll try and think of the good times, of the many birthdays we spent together and celebrated the good things and smiled and loved. I'll try but it's not easy.

I love you, Dad. I miss you. Happy Birthday.

This blog used to be funny.

I used to be funny.

Ha ha ha.