WebKittyn Warbles

Bleh, I say. Bleh. I haven't warbled in a few days and here I am with my first warble a bitch. Oh well, fits the mood.

So yesterday I spent eight (8) nonstop hours working on a new design. 8 hours is a long time. I did get up to pee and get some more water and check the mail but other than that, it was a marathon of creative attempt.

And when I was done, I have to say I was proud. Ok, I didn't write it from the ground up but there just isn't time at the moment for that. But I *did* rework the java, redo all the design and now I'm taking apart the Flash part of it.

Yes, I was proud of my work. I went to show it to my friends, to the most important people in my world. I admit openly that I am occasionally weak and sometimes even I need affirmation. Nothing wrong with that, I'm weak and I admit it.

Like a small child who has just returned home from school, excited to no end about a 'painting' she did in school today, running to the most important people in her world to show it off. I had the same smile on my stupid face, I had the same feeling of trepidation and the work was reviewed.

What did I get? It's nice and pretty cool but I'm downloading plug ins and nice work, hlyn.

I cannot verbalise how much that hurt me. I fled quickly after, not about to let anyone know that their nonchalance had in fact brought tears. This was the single biggest thing I have done in close to a year and FINALLY the start of the end of a project I've been talking about finishing for a year. And I was proud of it, so very proud of it.

Nice work?!?!? Plug ins??!?!? What the hell?!?!?

I'm still hurt, as I sit here and warble this I notice a stray tear running down my face. It is NOT oversensitive to expect those who count the most to actually care about something so big. But that was obviously not the case and needless to say, I have absolutely no desire at all today to continue my work.

Yes, I'm weak. Kill me for it now, I don't care. I need the occasional dose of validation and while I don't say I'm any sort of anything great but I try and do that for people, I try to encourage and validate.

I'm hurt. And I just want to sleep.

I have a ton of crap that needs doing.

I have to work on my father's hook rug.
I have the blog site to work on.
I have to clean.
I have templates to design.
I have warble stuff to work on.

Yet here I sit playing Text Twist Deluxe, unable to stop the madness. Madness = damns, ade, made, mass, mess, same, sane, ends....... GAHHHHHHHH!

Captain, I can't stop her!

Rodney Dangerfield - 82 years old.

I grew up laughing to this man, this makes me sad.

R.I.P. Rodney.

"It's the dark of the sun. It's the hour in which worms sing madrigals, tea leaves tell their tales in langauges we once used to converse with the trees, and all the winds of the world have returned to the great throat that gave them life. Messages come to us from the core of quiet.

A friend now gone tries desperately to pass a message from the beyond but the strength of the ghost is slight; all he can do is move dust-motes with great difficulty, arranging them with excruciating slowness to form words. The message comes together on the glossy cover of a book casually dropped on a table more than a year ago.

Laboriously laid, mote by mote, the message tells the friend that friendship must involve risk, that it is merely a word if it is never tested, that anyone can claim friend if there is no chance of cost. It is phrased simply. On the other side, the shade of the friend now departed waits and hopes. He fears the inevitable: his living friend despises disorder and dirt; what if he chances on the misplaced book while wearing his white gloves?"

-Harlan Ellison, "Eidolons"

You're Brigitte Bardot!


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