WebKittyn Warbles

Seems I've made some friends since I've been living up here.

Here is proof of home invasion!



This is Meathe, the black one is Ahriman



Meathe and Ahriman drinking



Meathe has a plump behind.



Ahriman the duck (goose?)



Ahriman has a gorgeous green head.



Ahriman and Ackmon, the big cock



Ackmon



Ackmon looking all "I want to peck your eyes out"



Ackmon really is a large cock, I wasn't kidding. Look at how big he is!



The crew.



The crew after gobbling up a full loaf of bread as they're about to leave

Yes, I said cock.

The ducks were back to visit and they brought with them a friend. A big, gorgeous black and white rooster I immediately named 'Ackmon' and started talking to right away. Ackmon is one of the names Deathsquad uses in another world and it gave me a tremendous amount of pleasure to tell him 'you're a big cock'

So tonight's show is dedicated to everyone's favourite big cock who is now broadcasting live - Deathsquad.

We're switching time slots for the night as he lives where it snows and has to go to work so come join me at 10PM EST after Deathsquad's LIVE DEBUT! We shall continue to ride the momentum from what should prove to be a great live show and it should be fun.

Holiday chatter, a few choice Kittyn words for the haters, whining about power outages in the winter and the usual songs and your requests.

Come to the chatroom, come listen and show me the holiday love.

10PM EST, right after Deathsquad LIVE on KMRL Mojo Radio Live!

This one's for Jen.

Behold the mighty pink crampon....

I want to go to a ski lodge.

I don't necessarily want to ski but I'd love to go spend a few days at a ski lodge.

I can hold my own going down the bunny hill and I do like a chair lift but I'm far from a ski buff. I do love the whole atmosphere of a ski lodge though. The big stone fireplace in the main room, the smaller fireplace in the room. Lots of wood buildings and cold, clean and crisp nights with lots of stars filling the sky. Watching the skilled come down the mountain knowing fully well I can't do that. Drinking hot chocolate or a hot toddy to whatever music is playing.

Yah, I've definitely got the want going on for a ski lodge trip. Vermont is the ideal place.

I was talking with Ahriman tonight and it dawned on me that it was the 15th. This is the 11th anniversary of the building fire and turned Darkstar and I into homeless people living in a roach motel and pretty much losing everything.

The kindness of strangers still blows me away.

I wrote this a few years ago, it says it all really well so I'm going to be lazy and just re-post the link.

Burning Down the House

"I’d never tell you one lie, I’d never let you down
I’d never leave, I’d be the one who’d always be around
Baby give me a chance

I’d pull the sun out from the sky to light your darkest night
I wouldn’t let one drop of rain fall down into your life
Put your heart in my hands

Baby Believe me, I could never do you wrong
And I would never paint your world blue
And if sometimes it seems I must have lost my mind
I might be crazy but I’m crazy about you…

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Do anything you ask me to
I’d even sell my soul for you
I’d do it all for you
If you’d just believe in me

Just take a look in my eyes, you’ll see a love that’s blind
Just take a hold of my hand, I’ll take you to paradise
Ain’t a star that’s too far

Your every wish will be a wish that I will make come true
And if you want the moon I swear I’ll bring it down for you
Let me into your heart

Believe me baby got your name carved on my soul
’Cause You’re the only one that I’ll give it to
Go let ‘em say that I’m I fool to act this way
‘Cause if I’m crazy, I’m just crazy ‘bout you…

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Do anything you ask me to
I’d even sell my soul for you
I’d do it all for you
If you’d just believe in me

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Move mountains if you want me to
I’d walk across the fire for you
I’d walk on the wild for you
If you’d just believe in me…

And you will never see a day I’ll ever break your heart
You’ll see the sky fall down before it ever gets that far
I’ll show you heaven every second that you’re in my arms
Baby I’m crazy, but I’m crazy about you!

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Move mountains if you want me to
I’d walk across the fire for you
I’d walk on the wild for you
If you’d just believe in me…

I’d walk across the wild for you
Move mountains if you want me to
I’d walk across the fire for you
Do anything you asked me to

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Do anything you ask me to
I’d even sell my soul for you
I’d do it all for you
If you’d just believe in me

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth
Move mountains if you want me to
I’d walk across the fire for you
I’d walk on the wild for you
If you’d just believe in me…

I’d lie for you and that’s the truth”

I said I've been reflective lately, one of the things I've been thinking a lot about is my health. It's been three months without dialysis and with all the lovely side bonuses so I'm starting to adjust which leaves me more time to reflect.

My kidneys seems to be holding out at their 20%. I was supposed to go to the kidney dr. next week but who the hell wants the possibility of bad news the week before Christmas so I'm going to re-schedule for the week after.

The puking is pretty vile. On a good day it's only once, pretty soon after I wake up. It's not even normal puking but I'll save the graphics for another post behind a cut for the tender. On a bad day it can hit seven spew session in a few hours. I don't mind puking so much but it's painful and unpleasant and gross. Better than dialysis though.

The weakness is hard to beat. If they do have to give me another transfusion I want another 16 year old high school jock like the last one. I've got no iron and I'm not generating red blood cells and I'll be damned if they're going to give me Epo shots in my lower abdomen.

All in all though I refuse to complain. I can whine and grouse about having to puke everyday but a quick look back at where I was 6 months ago and it stops.

However, in my reflectiveness I've discovered anger.

I'm angry that it happened. I'm angry that the arrogance and bad judgment of one really bad hospital broke me for life. I'm angry that my right side and right half of my back are adorned with ugly scars from biopsies I didn't need. I'm angry that because one bad doctor decided I wasn't really sick and missed something as large as renal failure and now I can never have certainty back in my life. I have to spend the rest of my life living day to day hoping I maintain 20% and don't end up back on dialysis or on the transplant list and this makes me angry. I'm angry that ALL the signs were there - through the roof potassium, phosphorous and creatinine - and they still decided to take a chunk of my lung times two.

It sounds like self pity, it's not. I don't dwell in the anger and I'm not angry all the time but when it's quiet and I'm alone with my mind the anger pops in. Darkstar tells me to counter it with thoughts of large lawsuits in the process but that's hard for me to do. I'm still getting used to the fact that in a mere 12 months I spent 12 weeks in assorted hospitals, had 6 surgeries, 2 catheters in different places, one graft that still bothers me, 6 months of dialysis and the aftermath. I have a hard time believing people like me actually win large amounts of money, even if it is justified. That's my tendency to doubt myself.

I know I want to be ready for Everest just in case and I'm nowhere near ready. Even to make it to base camp requires a level of fitness I've never had in my life. Just in case miracles really can happen out of bad juju and I do win the lawsuit, I have to be ready. I can't spend a year fighting the lawsuit and then another year getting ready, I want to be ready for 2010.

I've talked about it with Darkstar, he and I have different ideas on it but we've gone over what I would do with money like that if it came my way. I'm not looking for fancy things (much to his chagrin), I have only two luxury items I would blow money on - three months at Everest base camp and a KMRL flag captured in a photo from the summit and a mid 80's Zimmer. I don't want a fancy car or a ginormous television.

I'd like to rent some sort of RV and travel for 3-4 months with no pre-planned destinations (other than Mississippi, northern New York and Mystic Seaport) and just go. Of course I don't want to have to drive the damn thing so there would be a need for a co-captain for the RV I would immediately name "Further" and seek out my own merry pranksters (Kesey fantasies, anyone?)

I want a house. I don't want to own a house, I'm not sure I want to stay up here. The area is changing up here and houses are going pretty cheap for rentals. I could get a 3 bedroom house with all the fun stuff for what was paid in Dobbs. I want to rent a house and be able to put a year's rent up front. I want to have the second year's rent and put it in some high yield 12 month something or other so it's there when I need it if I want to stay. I don't want to live alone, either. I want a house large enough where I can have a housemate or two and still have two rooms and a bathroom to myself, maybe a floor. Roommates would only have to pay half the utilities and cable or satellite and food however, in exchange for the sweet deal, said roommates get to clean the cat box and take out the garbage.

I want a car. Nothing fancy, I'd be happy with a new Jeep, the Zimmer for the nice weather and maybe finally I'd get my 70's era black Trans-Am with the gold eagle.

I have people I want to do things for, give things to, repay for their kindness.

It does help to counter the anger but it just seems pointless like planning how to spend lottery winnings you don't have. I know people who have won really large amounts of money in malpractice suits but that's them and not me, ya know?

It's still fun to think about though. Better than reading all the nasty side-effects of different anti-rejection drugs they test you on post transplant.

I have no idea what lies ahead, I'm not allowed the peace of mind of knowing what lies ahead but I'm going to make the most of 2009, that much I do know.

And hopefully I can quell some of the anger and leave that behind in 2008 as well.

Well that sucked. Major sucked.

The power went out Thursday night about 11 and didn't come back until about 6 yesterday. It was horrid.

The cold was the least of it, I was in full practise for Everest mode and it didn't get to me until it hit like 10 degrees and I broke and put on a sweathsirt and second blanket.

What got me was the total seclusion. You can't see the neighbour's houses up here to begin with, it's pretty rural and cut off. I've been here for a few power outages that lasted a few hours, this was a whole new world.

I felt very alone. Although I had some great stress-induced dreams. I really need to find out who that mysterious dark haired dude was that just happened to know that Meat Loaf's "I'd Lie for You" is (in my opinion) the most powerful song anyone could ever give me and sang it like a pro. I want one of those 'Take on Me' moments where it all comes to life.

Not that it was terrible, I spent a lot of time making shadow figures with my lantern and having wonderful conversations with Niss, Ahri, Meathe and Darkstar but it was bad juju.

Many thanks to Meathe for braving the cold of NY city and standing outside to call me and help me kill some time. I tried naked seal shadow figures but they all looked like my bad attempt at shadow alligators.

It's damn nice to be connected again though.