WebKittyn Warbles

This is no longer in me. I had no idea how LONG it was.

Yes, that's blood. The gross effect made it even cooler.

O U T!

Monday, 1PM. Be at the hospital.

Your catheter is finally coming out.

I'm terrified.

It bugs me to no end that just because I was born with a vagina I'm supposed to be for Palin. Yes, someone I consider fairly intelligent actually said that to me.

Excuse me?!?!?

Sad sad state of affairs. May the day never come when I am for a candidate based solely on their gender or race.

I finally got off my ass and contacted three different law firms to see what they had to say. I know people who have won malpractice suits and I know people DO win malpractice suits but it's hard to digest when it's you.

The responses were better than I expected they would be. On all accounts I have a pretty strong case. I'm going to have to actually go to Kingston Hospital to get my records as they're taking too long but other than that it looks good. I know which lawyer I want to go with and it's time to get this thing going.

I'm not looking for insane amounts either. I'm damaged goods for life now because of them and they've pretty much guaranteed I'm going to have a miserable senior citizen life so I'd like to get something for it. I can rent to own a 2-3 bedroom house up here for $1000 a month, I'd like to be able to do that and pay a year up front. I'd like to be able to buy a car out right without having to worry about interest. I'd like to buy my best friend a car. I'd like home dialysis treatment in the future when I need it again from a private nurse paid for by them.

Meanwhile tomorrow I get to take my cab ride with my ginormous jug of pee and get my blood checked again. I can't make the days go fast enough until October 6th when I find out about getting this damn thing out of my chest. I'm a bit worried about this pee test, I puked too much again today. After the test I'll go grab some lunch in the hospital cafeteria and talk to strangers for a bit.

I really need a car, I'm getting way too boring.

**Amusing photo at the bottom of this post**

I had my big kidney doctor appointment today. I was really afraid of this one, I was afraid yesterday when I went for the blood work and I was terrified sitting there today waiting for him to come in. It's been a bad week of way too much throwing up, that's not a good sign.

The news was better than I hoped for but still not up to 'good.'

When you have kidney failure there are two things you watch for: BUN (blood urea nitrogen) and creatinine. The BUN is the poisonous stuff. In a healthy body with working kidneys the BUN shouldn't be higher than 23 and the creatinine a 3. BUN over 60 and creatinine over 6-7 are bad, that's end stage renal disease and that's where I was when I started.

Last week my BUN was a 53 and my creatinine a 4.9. The BUN was a bit high but that's why I go for weekly blood tests and it was low enough to stay off dialysis.

This week my BUN was a 46 and my creatinine a 4.3. Again, not great and not good enough for him to say anything for sure but it was week two and they went DOWN. The creatinine is good, if the creatinine stayed like that I'd be fine but like I said, the BUN is the bad shit.

I was amazed the levels went down. Seriously.

He said to me that a person needs 10% kidney function to survive without dialysis. He guesstimated me at about 20% kidney function and followed that with "I think you're going to make it" and "it's not science here, Heather. This shouldn't be happening, you shouldn't be off dialysis." I'm cool with that, I like defying the odds.

The throwing up concerned him. He told me I have to do a '24 hour collection' next Wednesday. This means I have to pee in a container for 24 hours, save all the pee and bring it in the cab with me on Thursday for testing. If there isn't enough urea in the pee that means I'm puking it up and that's a bad sign.

Or it could simply be that my kidneys are only sort of working and they work enough to keep me off dialysis but not to process all the toxins. He told me I might be throwing up every day for the rest of my life. I can deal with that, I'll take that over having to go to dialysis for the rest of my life.

Then I asked the big question, when can I get this cursed catheter out of my chest. He knew what was coming, he finished my sentence for me halfway through. Since I've never used the graft and I really am afraid of those big red needles he wasn't willing to take it out yet.

I'm clear for a month as long as my levels don't skyrocket and the pee test comes out okay. It's sort of an uneasy joyous feeling, it can end at any minute with bad levels but the thought of 30 days with no dialysis really is a dream come true.

He upped the one blood pressure med (Coreg) and put me back on the other one (Lisinopril). The dialysis was making the pressure drop and while it wasn't high, it wasn't great (160/100).

When I go back next month he'll make the call. If the levels are holding out and I'm okay, he'll give the order to have the catheter removed. I will finally be able to take a shower. My 2nd shower since March 8th. I may never get out.

So we had to stop at the lab on the way home and get the container I'm supposed to pee in. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't that. This thing is HUGE. It's bright orange and it's HUGE. Could any human being possibly pee that much in24 hours??

It also has to be kept in the fridge. Move the orange juice over, make room for the giant pee pot of Red Hook. They give you a bag to put it in to bring it back but of course the bag has 24 HOUR URINE COLLECTION in big letters on it right next to the medical hazard symbol. Me and my pee pot, taking a cab ride.

All in all I'm feeling optimistic. Dr. Pagnozzi is a hard man when it comes to his work, he doesn't give words of encouragement lightly. To tell me "I think you're going to make it" means I'm doing as okay as I possibly can. Better than I thought I would be and I believe I can keep up the momentum.

Okay, here it is. The Great Pee Pot of Red Hook.

It's been too long.

Because you asked for it and because it's just fun to do, we are bringing back Pogo-a-Gogo! Every Tuesday night / Wednesday morning immediately following The Deathsquad Show we bring you Pogo-a-Gogo.

Starting tonight!

Pogo-a-Gogo is a weekly factual discussion of serial killers, a different one each week. Kittyn has been studying serial killers for over 25 years and her bank of knowledge is vast in this area. It is not a celebration of serial killers or a groupie show, it is a discussion of the killer and perhaps different aspects of the case not highlighted in the news.

Tonight's show will be on David Berkowitz and his connection to the Process Church of the Final Judgment. Was the Son of Sam the lone killer or just one of many puppets of the Process? We'll talk about that and about how Berkowitz now refers to himself as the "Son of Hope" in his new life as a devout Christian.

Tune in tonight at midnight as we proudly bring you David Berkowitz and Pogo-a-Gogo, sporting its spiffy new intro!

Come to the chatroom during the show for even more in-depth discussion!

I made it through week one.

My levels, as the kidney man put it, "are not great but not bad. They're exactly the same as when you were on dialysis."

Not the best but enough to keep me off the filters for another week.

I have this sneaking suspicion at the end of the 8 weeks he's going to tell me it's not bad enough to need the dialysis for now but not good enough to hold me in the future. My gut voice is telling me he's going to say transplant.

I'm going to try something new for the month of September. With the exception of my weekly McDonald's I'm going healthy for a full month. Yogurt, cottage cheese, salad, everything I don't eat now that I should. Nightly walking whether the catheter in my chest hurts or not.

I asked him if there was anything I could do or eat to help and he said no but getting in better shape can't do anything but good. Nothing fits me anymore with the weight dropping off (the puke fountain has its advantages I suppose) so it's time to work on toning.

People keep telling me I look good but I don't see it. I look in the mirror and I see sick kidneys and dead eyes.

The leaves are starting to turn outside in the front, I survived another horrid summer. I have reverse seasonal issues, I hate the summer so much. I get moody and sad and cranky and I hate it. I keep waiting for that first cool crisp night when I come back to life.

Friday I go back to the kidney man and I plan to ask about getting this stupid catheter out of my chest. If need be they can put another one in or I can grow up and let them needle the graft, it's time for this thing to go. I'm tired of my jugular vein sticking out, I'm tired of itching and hurting 24/7, I'm tired of feeling like a freak of nature with tubes coming out of my chest. I don't think I've ever hated anything in life as much as this catheter.

Blood test number 2 is Thursday, I've been eating like a pig over the weekend. It's tuna and yogurt for the next two days.

Day by day, it's all day by day. Amazing how much my attitude has changed. I haven't given up planning for the future but it's not priority anymore. It's all about right now. If I had died on the den floor that day what the hell would I have to show for myself? A bunch of incomplete plans for the future I never got? No thanks.

And so begins the month without any junk food.

Yes, yes it's true.

There will be a show tonight and I've added a few new songs. Last week was wonderful, there were so many requests I hardly had to blather! Woo!

Expect a bit more blathering tonight, a little ranting about the mentality of MUDders and the usual level of nonsense and fun. Maybe even a new contest for listeners, who knows.

So come on into the chatroom and say hey and join the madness. We'll start somewhere around 9 and run till 11. Have your holiday BBQ and then come digest to me!

Here's a link to the songs added this week for your convenience. I aim to please.

Tonight! Mojo Radio Live!