WebKittyn Warbles
Friday, June 04, 2010
High Ground or Low Ground?
I wrote a rebuttal to something foul that was written for me today and shared with the public for no other reason besides spite, mean-spiritedness and one person's need to look powerful. I'm not posting it yet because it's not the nicest thing I've ever written and while every word of it is true, I'm not sure I want to go that route. However, the thought of the person who went after me sitting there gloating thinking they got over just because it worked, cause pain and goodbyes and tears makes me want to post it after I vomit.
So for now it's saved away on here and I'll see how I feel tomorrow. Darkstar said enough for tonight. heh.
So for now it's saved away on here and I'll see how I feel tomorrow. Darkstar said enough for tonight. heh.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day Re-post
(I wrote this back in 2006 and so far nothing has quite said it as well for me so allow me the re-post for the day. Thank you)
Dear Solder, former soldier or family member,
On this Memorial Day weekend I wanted to take a minute to thank you. I've written two actual letters but I want to use this avenue here to reach out to a larger crowd and say thank you.
I never knew my grandfather. He was killed in WWII and my father never got over it. I make no claims to understanding what any of you go through but I have a small idea of the pain of loss.
And still people serve. And still people care enough about liberty and their country to volunteer to serve and take the risks that walk hand in hand with serving. Thank you.
To the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, sons, daughters etc. of those who choose to serve, I admire your strength and I say thank you. It's a difficult life made even more difficult when the one you love is sent away. For every birthday or special event you had to spend alone, I thank you and I wish there was something more I could do besides write letters, hang a flag and support you.
I am sorry that there are those in this country who would choose to defile your memories and your missions merely to further their own political agendas. No one likes war, no one likes the chance of going off to fight and possibly die in a foreign land. No one likes it but someone has to do it and you people do while the rest of us get to sit with our loved ones and friends and talk about war.
I wish I had the power to bring you all home, to end the conflict and let you get back to being the people you are that your families and friends love. I was watching the Vietnam veterans before at the Memorial and the tears ran freely for each and every person I saw there rubbing names off the wall. This is what Memorial Day is about and I wanted you to know I haven't forgotten.
I wish I had the power to make sure each and every one of you never wants for anything when your service is over. It sickens me to see soldiers return home and have to worry about adjusting to civilian life again as well as where the money is going to come from. May our politicians wake up and do the right thing by all of you.
It is an amazingly difficult and brave choice to join the service, to volunteer to serve and to put the country before one's own self or family. I watch it on TV and I cry every time. I have nothing but admiration and affection for all of you. Plus a deep sense of gratitude for what you do.
That's all I wanted to say. The words are inadequate but they are the best I can do. To the memory of my grandfather and to everyone who is or has been in some way connected to the US military I say thank you. I thank you, I appreciate you, I respect you, I support you, I honour your memories.
With love and affection,
Kittyn
"If you ever think of me,
think of all your liberties
and recall...
...............some gave all."
(please feel free to trackback to this, let's spread the word)
Dear Solder, former soldier or family member,
On this Memorial Day weekend I wanted to take a minute to thank you. I've written two actual letters but I want to use this avenue here to reach out to a larger crowd and say thank you.
I never knew my grandfather. He was killed in WWII and my father never got over it. I make no claims to understanding what any of you go through but I have a small idea of the pain of loss.
And still people serve. And still people care enough about liberty and their country to volunteer to serve and take the risks that walk hand in hand with serving. Thank you.
To the mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, sons, daughters etc. of those who choose to serve, I admire your strength and I say thank you. It's a difficult life made even more difficult when the one you love is sent away. For every birthday or special event you had to spend alone, I thank you and I wish there was something more I could do besides write letters, hang a flag and support you.
I am sorry that there are those in this country who would choose to defile your memories and your missions merely to further their own political agendas. No one likes war, no one likes the chance of going off to fight and possibly die in a foreign land. No one likes it but someone has to do it and you people do while the rest of us get to sit with our loved ones and friends and talk about war.
I wish I had the power to bring you all home, to end the conflict and let you get back to being the people you are that your families and friends love. I was watching the Vietnam veterans before at the Memorial and the tears ran freely for each and every person I saw there rubbing names off the wall. This is what Memorial Day is about and I wanted you to know I haven't forgotten.
I wish I had the power to make sure each and every one of you never wants for anything when your service is over. It sickens me to see soldiers return home and have to worry about adjusting to civilian life again as well as where the money is going to come from. May our politicians wake up and do the right thing by all of you.
It is an amazingly difficult and brave choice to join the service, to volunteer to serve and to put the country before one's own self or family. I watch it on TV and I cry every time. I have nothing but admiration and affection for all of you. Plus a deep sense of gratitude for what you do.
That's all I wanted to say. The words are inadequate but they are the best I can do. To the memory of my grandfather and to everyone who is or has been in some way connected to the US military I say thank you. I thank you, I appreciate you, I respect you, I support you, I honour your memories.
With love and affection,
Kittyn
"If you ever think of me,
think of all your liberties
and recall...
...............some gave all."
(please feel free to trackback to this, let's spread the word)
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Do This Tomorrow, Early!
I want this staring at me when I get up for the morning barf. Instead of sitting on my ass petting cats I have a ton of shit I need to get to doing.
HEY LAZY ASS. YES KITTYN, YOU.
GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO SORT THROUGH THAT BIG BOX DARKSTAR BROUGHT UP AND GET MORE STUFF FOR THE SPCA FLEA MARKET YOUR MOTHER IS WORKING.
GO! GO NOW!
HEY LAZY ASS. YES KITTYN, YOU.
GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GO SORT THROUGH THAT BIG BOX DARKSTAR BROUGHT UP AND GET MORE STUFF FOR THE SPCA FLEA MARKET YOUR MOTHER IS WORKING.
GO! GO NOW!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The Tides of Change, Phase One Completed
Tides of change. I like. Cool Change. It all fits.
I have a car. My own car. 20 years ago, 10 years ago I wouldn't have appreciated it - hell, I expected them - but this is now and I can't put into words how excited I am.
People think I'm over-stating it when I say two years but it's not. It's truly been two years I've been stuck in Red Hick without a car and 10 miles from town. Two years cut off from being able to do the simple things in life for myself or go places or do anything. Those of you who were with me through dialysis remember the horror that was Kingston Kabs.. Doctor appointments I put off because getting there wasn't worth the hassle. You get the idea.
Darkstar came through and now that's all a thing of the past. All of a sudden I've got this freedom in front of me and it's like a big door opening.
It's a catalyst, it's the catalyst I needed so desperately.
It's the end of the excuses of I can't go see the kidney guy because he's in Poughkeepsie. It's the end of a lot of stuff.
I've picked up on a bit of Darkstar's spirit lately and while I'm not full of life enough to lay deadlines like he does, I'm going to make the rest of 2010 the transitional year it's already started to become except I'm going to shift the transition. I said this before - baby steps.
I've decided to get rid of one bit of bullshit from my life every day. It could be a person, a situation, anything that fits in the bullshit category. If it's bullshit, it goes like last year's fashions.
There are people I want to get to know. People I've spent years talking to on a computer but due to geography never had the pleasure of meeting up with. It's time to change that. People who have been patiently waiting for years to get past the gates. Hell, I've got nothing but time on my hands these days and as long as the puke bags aren't too far off, I'm good to go.
It's still going to be a challenge. I still have to get up every morning and fight the puking. One of the conditions of this car loan was that I would consider dialysis instead of refusing outright.
I still have people in my life who are toxic and situations that are toxic. Slowly I have to weed them out of my world even if it hurts. It's time to let go of things that aren't real or aren't good for me.
Naming the car Base Camp just brings me one step closer to the real goal and the figurative Everest that has become my head.
Baby steps. I'm figuring it out and it's still only April. By the end of this year I *will* be in a completely different state of mind of my own doing. Re-gaining freedom is a pretty big baby step.
The facebook people can skip the pictures but believe it or not, some people still just read the warbles! Huzzah!
It's a 1998 Plymouth Neon with 72k miles and a sweet electric moonroof which was real important to me. It's green which works since I like to wear clothes that (at least in my head) make my eyes look more green and Darkstar is putting a new stereo in so I can do the iPod thing. It's cute, it's girly, it's mine. It's Base Camp and it has retro NY yellow plates.
And it shall save me.
I have a car. My own car. 20 years ago, 10 years ago I wouldn't have appreciated it - hell, I expected them - but this is now and I can't put into words how excited I am.
People think I'm over-stating it when I say two years but it's not. It's truly been two years I've been stuck in Red Hick without a car and 10 miles from town. Two years cut off from being able to do the simple things in life for myself or go places or do anything. Those of you who were with me through dialysis remember the horror that was Kingston Kabs.. Doctor appointments I put off because getting there wasn't worth the hassle. You get the idea.
Darkstar came through and now that's all a thing of the past. All of a sudden I've got this freedom in front of me and it's like a big door opening.
It's a catalyst, it's the catalyst I needed so desperately.
It's the end of the excuses of I can't go see the kidney guy because he's in Poughkeepsie. It's the end of a lot of stuff.
I've picked up on a bit of Darkstar's spirit lately and while I'm not full of life enough to lay deadlines like he does, I'm going to make the rest of 2010 the transitional year it's already started to become except I'm going to shift the transition. I said this before - baby steps.
I've decided to get rid of one bit of bullshit from my life every day. It could be a person, a situation, anything that fits in the bullshit category. If it's bullshit, it goes like last year's fashions.
There are people I want to get to know. People I've spent years talking to on a computer but due to geography never had the pleasure of meeting up with. It's time to change that. People who have been patiently waiting for years to get past the gates. Hell, I've got nothing but time on my hands these days and as long as the puke bags aren't too far off, I'm good to go.
It's still going to be a challenge. I still have to get up every morning and fight the puking. One of the conditions of this car loan was that I would consider dialysis instead of refusing outright.
I still have people in my life who are toxic and situations that are toxic. Slowly I have to weed them out of my world even if it hurts. It's time to let go of things that aren't real or aren't good for me.
Naming the car Base Camp just brings me one step closer to the real goal and the figurative Everest that has become my head.
Baby steps. I'm figuring it out and it's still only April. By the end of this year I *will* be in a completely different state of mind of my own doing. Re-gaining freedom is a pretty big baby step.
The facebook people can skip the pictures but believe it or not, some people still just read the warbles! Huzzah!
It's a 1998 Plymouth Neon with 72k miles and a sweet electric moonroof which was real important to me. It's green which works since I like to wear clothes that (at least in my head) make my eyes look more green and Darkstar is putting a new stereo in so I can do the iPod thing. It's cute, it's girly, it's mine. It's Base Camp and it has retro NY yellow plates.
And it shall save me.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Show Tonight - Hope it Gives You Hell
I was totally not going to do a show tonight. I'm in a pretty evil mood and I don't have a lot of nice things to say about people in general but then I decided why not, let's spread the disease.
Will I be naming names? No, not that easy. We can still have fun talking about how crappy people can be and how good some can be but tonight we're not here to celebrate the good.
Those of you who remember the old WebKittyn Wednesday shows, this will be more akin to that. I'm angry, I'm annoyed at shit and I don't care who I piss off. May not be good radio but I've heard worse. Plus you never know, the mood seems to change once I get in the chatroom and people say something funny. For the moment though, I'm feeling a tad hostile and that's why we go on the air - to vent the spleen.
So if you're around at 10PM EST, come by the chatroom and tell me about the people in YOUR world that lie, talk crap, cheat, steal or otherwise make you want to go all ICP and introduce them to your buddy, your axe.
Plus, Darkstar is here and he's always good to laugh at.
Yah, this should be a hoot.
Will I be naming names? No, not that easy. We can still have fun talking about how crappy people can be and how good some can be but tonight we're not here to celebrate the good.
Those of you who remember the old WebKittyn Wednesday shows, this will be more akin to that. I'm angry, I'm annoyed at shit and I don't care who I piss off. May not be good radio but I've heard worse. Plus you never know, the mood seems to change once I get in the chatroom and people say something funny. For the moment though, I'm feeling a tad hostile and that's why we go on the air - to vent the spleen.
So if you're around at 10PM EST, come by the chatroom and tell me about the people in YOUR world that lie, talk crap, cheat, steal or otherwise make you want to go all ICP and introduce them to your buddy, your axe.
Plus, Darkstar is here and he's always good to laugh at.
Yah, this should be a hoot.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The One Where She Takes Back Control
This should make Darkstar happy, I think I'm finally getting what he's been trying to pound into my head for the past few months.
On a totally separate note, yah, sure, it's fine. I lived with FOAD for 17 days, what's a few more nights of nothingness. No problem. Yah, right.
I'm annoyed at a lot of shit lately, a good portion of it is at myself. I don't like where my head has settled lately and instead of doing anything about it I just kind of sat back and let it hang there. I've let people get to me who never in a million years would have even made me bat an eye. I've wasted time lamenting Basso the Asso and putting my faith in a useless hack of a lawyer. I'm annoyed at my mother for not doing anything, not even trying. I'm annoyed at crazy fear mongering hate-spewing extremists (on both sides) who force their opinions down my throat. I let myself get played because I'm bored to death with my life at the moment and guess what - that's my fault. Huzzah.
I've seen some friends of mine go through some major life changes in the past year or so and I need to take a little bit of lesson from each of them. Faith Ann has the best attitude going and has become the woman of wisdom. Jen restores my faith that good things can happen to good people. Darkstar is a dose of reality and the best friend a psychopathic webkittyn could want. Hell, even Jeckles has a better attitude on life than I do lately.
A lot of it is where I choose to put myself. The situations I choose to get involved in and the way I deal with things and people. I can't control situations but I can control how I react to them or place myself into them.
The first wind of change is real close to blowing in. Within the next few weeks I will have a car again. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this freedom, it's the first time since I got sick that I'm going to have the total freedom to get up and go. It's intense. I'm going to have to fight off the temptation to get in the car and just go. Not to anyone or anyplace I know, just go.
I want to re-connect with old friends who are still the amazingly cool people I hung out with before. Steve, Drew, Karen, Erin, Jen, Benny, Bryan, Mike and Sandy, the list goes on. I'm tired of being tired and tired of being sick.
I want to drive to Albany and meet with the lawyers who are going to make it happen the right way.
I just got off the phone with a good friend who was in a ton of pain, exhausted beyond belief and in general wiped out. Yet this friend took the time out to stay awake and call me and talk to me. Little gestures go a long way. I need to pay it forward.
I think my head is officially up my ass. I'm the first to admit I'm stuck in a stagnant state waiting for the transition I know is coming but is taking so damn long to come and I can't do anything in between.
Step one: "Recognise, it's your life now in review..."
Step two: baby steps.
Freedom is a pretty nice baby step. It's literally been over two years since I've been able to do something as simple as go to the deli for a sandwich for lunch on my own or the local store for a pack of smokes. Over two years. Two wretched years of disease and death and more disease and dialysis and doom. Now I'm two weeks or so away from that all being over.
If I don't take that as the biggest sign I've ever received to stop playing ostrich, get my head out of my ass and come back to the living then I don't deserve any of it. The rest will come, I can't force lawsuits to happen, I can't change my kidneys but I sure as shit can change a whole lot of things from the people and circumstances I deal with to Spring cleaning this place to going back to training for Everest in the weird funky sneakers.
I think it's time to start the ball rolling, seriously. I thank those of you who have inspired me and have stuck with me as I've turned down invitation after invitation to go do normal social things and *GASP* actually maybe have some freaken' FUN. Don't give up on me yet.
My life needs a cool change. I need a cool change. I'm sorry if some get left behind but for the moment, I have to think about me. There was this person I used to know. She was confident and feisty and friendly and happy and didn't take any shit and loved to laugh and had a spark in her eyes. It's time I went and found her again and kicked this pod person out of my body and took back some control of my life and my head.
Yah, it's time.
Let the car be the catalyst, let the rest flow from within.
On a totally separate note, yah, sure, it's fine. I lived with FOAD for 17 days, what's a few more nights of nothingness. No problem. Yah, right.
I'm annoyed at a lot of shit lately, a good portion of it is at myself. I don't like where my head has settled lately and instead of doing anything about it I just kind of sat back and let it hang there. I've let people get to me who never in a million years would have even made me bat an eye. I've wasted time lamenting Basso the Asso and putting my faith in a useless hack of a lawyer. I'm annoyed at my mother for not doing anything, not even trying. I'm annoyed at crazy fear mongering hate-spewing extremists (on both sides) who force their opinions down my throat. I let myself get played because I'm bored to death with my life at the moment and guess what - that's my fault. Huzzah.
I've seen some friends of mine go through some major life changes in the past year or so and I need to take a little bit of lesson from each of them. Faith Ann has the best attitude going and has become the woman of wisdom. Jen restores my faith that good things can happen to good people. Darkstar is a dose of reality and the best friend a psychopathic webkittyn could want. Hell, even Jeckles has a better attitude on life than I do lately.
A lot of it is where I choose to put myself. The situations I choose to get involved in and the way I deal with things and people. I can't control situations but I can control how I react to them or place myself into them.
The first wind of change is real close to blowing in. Within the next few weeks I will have a car again. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this freedom, it's the first time since I got sick that I'm going to have the total freedom to get up and go. It's intense. I'm going to have to fight off the temptation to get in the car and just go. Not to anyone or anyplace I know, just go.
I want to re-connect with old friends who are still the amazingly cool people I hung out with before. Steve, Drew, Karen, Erin, Jen, Benny, Bryan, Mike and Sandy, the list goes on. I'm tired of being tired and tired of being sick.
I want to drive to Albany and meet with the lawyers who are going to make it happen the right way.
I just got off the phone with a good friend who was in a ton of pain, exhausted beyond belief and in general wiped out. Yet this friend took the time out to stay awake and call me and talk to me. Little gestures go a long way. I need to pay it forward.
I think my head is officially up my ass. I'm the first to admit I'm stuck in a stagnant state waiting for the transition I know is coming but is taking so damn long to come and I can't do anything in between.
Step one: "Recognise, it's your life now in review..."
Step two: baby steps.
Freedom is a pretty nice baby step. It's literally been over two years since I've been able to do something as simple as go to the deli for a sandwich for lunch on my own or the local store for a pack of smokes. Over two years. Two wretched years of disease and death and more disease and dialysis and doom. Now I'm two weeks or so away from that all being over.
If I don't take that as the biggest sign I've ever received to stop playing ostrich, get my head out of my ass and come back to the living then I don't deserve any of it. The rest will come, I can't force lawsuits to happen, I can't change my kidneys but I sure as shit can change a whole lot of things from the people and circumstances I deal with to Spring cleaning this place to going back to training for Everest in the weird funky sneakers.
I think it's time to start the ball rolling, seriously. I thank those of you who have inspired me and have stuck with me as I've turned down invitation after invitation to go do normal social things and *GASP* actually maybe have some freaken' FUN. Don't give up on me yet.
My life needs a cool change. I need a cool change. I'm sorry if some get left behind but for the moment, I have to think about me. There was this person I used to know. She was confident and feisty and friendly and happy and didn't take any shit and loved to laugh and had a spark in her eyes. It's time I went and found her again and kicked this pod person out of my body and took back some control of my life and my head.
Yah, it's time.
Let the car be the catalyst, let the rest flow from within.
<-- Steal me!
