WebKittyn Warbles

Four years ago yesterday we got Ishmael.

We were both feeling crappy over Catsby and Darkstar went looking a week later and as you can see in the video, Ishy found him.

Yes, Ishmael is from Moby Dick, Moby Dick is my 2nd favourite book ever so the name fit.

Four years later he's a strange cat, a sweet cat, a good cat, a loyal friend.

Much love, Ishy. Happy Ishiversary!

More people than I thought would even notice one little post have been asking me where I got the quote from that I posted last night, might as well keep it in the Warbles so it doesn't vanish in the ever-moving wall that is Facebook

'Looking over at him she smiled what felt like her first true smile in years. "I finally figured it out tonight" she said, "if you don't want me there are a few truly good men who just might. It really is just that simple. You may lead but you haven't won." With that, she turned and walked out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts and something new - a slight fear he might really lose her this time.'

It was written a few years ago as part of a novel I've been writing for a few years now. The novel is still in the process and for all I know probably will be. The quote just popped in my head last night as I was thinking about a person or three. Who isn't important, the words are what matters.

I'm touched that people read it and identified with it, if it gives even one of you a little bit of strength or personal empowerment then I'm doing something right here.

Thank you for asking.

(repost from last year, it said all I needed to say)

Two Three Four years ago yesterday today our sweet little kitten died. His name was the Great Catsby and he never had a chance. He was pulled from his mother too young, dumped in a cage and left to sit day after day in the litterbox with no one caring. They lied about how old he was and disregarded the fact that he needed to be in an experienced foster home for a few weeks and let him be adopted.

We only had him a week. He was loved, he was held, he was given toys and lots of pets. He loved to sit in my lap and catch the sun. The day before he got sick he was trying to steal my Doritos.

He collapsed and never came back. Official diagnosis was 'fading kitten syndrome' but I never really accepted that. The shelter did him wrong, the first vet did him wrong and took him off the fluids.

He was just a kitten and it was only a week but I loved him dearly and I still cry when I think of him, I still feel like I failed him too. I had him cremated and his ashes are in a tiny blue marble urn next to my bed by Claude.

I loved you, Catsby. I just wanted to say you are not forgotten, you will never be forgotten.

Even though three years have passed I still cry on occasion when I look at the urn or these pictures of him with Tempy. Little guy really got to me. Much love, Catsby.

I haven't written anything but cat stuff in a while, I need to get back to regular updating. I find myself getting cranky when I don't get the thoughts out of my head (like I need a reason to get cranky - HA!) so it's back to updating even if I don't have anything of any value to say.

Life continues on. The test results were pretty much what I thought they would be - no change. Kidneys don't regenerate so I knew they wouldn't be better but it was a relief to know they hadn't gotten any worse in three years. The EGFR still read 20% so it was nice to know in my three years of self-sabotage I didn't do any damage.

The one bit of good news he did give me was the order to get the graft deflated. Because it's a graft they can't take it out so I'm stuck with this piece of plastic in my arm for eternity but apparently they cut you open, make an incision and deflate the thing. No more pulsating alien baby in my upper arm, I'm looking forward to that. Opening conversations with "want to feel my pulsating alien baby that lives in my arm?" tends to scare people away.

Still no definite answers on the throwing up, the kidney doctor says it's a GI issue, the GI doctor says it's the kidneys. I'm not really all that sure I want to know, I'm not keen on spending a few days in the hospital while they test and test and test. I've learned to deal with it and the people close to me have learned to deal with it so for now I'll pass on the testing. Some days I'm just going to be useless and weak and I'll stay in bed and barf, just how it is.

People continue to amuse and confuse me. I've been blown away lately by friends I didn't know I had, old and new. Someone called me lucky, I guess in some ways I am. I have no shortage of caring friends I can turn to when I need them and it's really been shown lately. Others confuse me with things unsaid and hot and cold temperatures and walls I'm too short to get over. Justified walls but I don't climb well. Others amuse me to no end with their antics, it's just been a very people-oriented couple of weeks for me and that's something I'm not used to lately. I'm liking it, bring on the people.

I find myself making a crapload of plans for Fall and Winter, it's easy to get lost in daydreaming of all these things I want to do and places I want to go. I can't help but wonder how much of it will actually come to fruition though, where does the daydreaming and and the reality start? I know I plan on having more fun than I have in three years but the where when how and with whom are factors yet to be fully determined (besides going out on an eating spree with Andy Gee because he's definitely the Lord of Good Food in the Westchester area).

Thinking a lot about relationships lately. Friend A's dumbass of a husband just walked out on the best thing he ever had and ever will have and it makes me sad to see my friend sad. Friend A does not deserve to go through this and her husband is an ass. When he wakes up and pulls his head out of his ass and see he took a large dump on the one person in the world who loved him like no one else maybe he'll open his ass-eyes and go crawl back to her and beg her forgiveness. Friend B is going through some really intense shit in their current relationship and it's really deep and damn near killing my friend and that damn near kills me. Nothing I can do or say is worth shit in this one but at least I'm there to listen and sometimes that's enough. Friend C is just starting something that has potential and should be in that giddy happy state but they're not as half of that one doesn't believe in sharing feelings and the other half is the complete opposite. I was talking to her this morning and you could just hear how into this dude she is but he's like a stone. I told her to give it some time, people are wary and sometimes it just takes time to get people to open their hearts. That's one situation I know on a firsthand personal basis so on that one I felt qualified to give some advice..

I've been neglecting the new site, the music is almost ALL CLEANED (can I have a hallelujah, please) and I'm determined to finish SAM once and for all, without Meathe. I've got people I trust enough to let them access my drive if I can't get it so I'm working my ass off to get this done, finally. I've held back on advertising and such because I didn't like the product enough but with SAM going, all will be golden.

Weird moods here lately, strangely emotionally needy for me. I'm not an emotionally needy person (unless we're talking about Darkstar who constantly gets whiney texts asking 'where is the loooooove?') but lately I've been like that. I'm not entirely sure I like it, I'm sort of hoping it goes away and I go back to the stoic. In the interim I'll just pester Darkstar even more and whine for hugs on facebook! *snickers*

Got a strange email today I haven't had time to process yet. In no way a bad email, just not something I was expecting to get from a person I wasn't expecting to write out of the blue so along with a smile comes processing. May take me some time to correctly word a reply but there will be one. Anyone who actually manages to genuinely surprise me is definitely worthy of a well thought-out reply, I don't surprise easy.

My beloved chatroom is back at RTVZone so I've been hanging out in there with the like-minded crazies who got attached both to Big Brother and the chat community. This was a big yay for me, I honestly went and registered on EVERY one of the major Big Brother sites and each and every chat was a bust. I don't like the IRC format, the chats went by too fast, the people were idiots, they were all kids, etc. Screw that, I found a home and I'm glad it's back and that's where my ass will be until the last houseguest is out of the house or Rachel implodes on the live feeds an we all get to see it.

So that's where things are at for now. I woke up with a smile and life overall aint that bad for the moment. Could be better but I'm not complaining (much). I never know what I'm in store for when I wake up these days and that's kind of exciting.

I promise to go back to regular updating, I just re-charged my blogging battery.

VIVA LA GOONCH

I've said for a long time that I prefer cats to people. I guess that's why I've stopped writing about people lately and it's been about cats. Particularly with the way I feel lately about people, I say bring on the cats.

I couldn't let another year anniversary go by.

Last year at this time I was in a down period. Between the kidneys and being sick and the rest of it, I was just bleh all time. My mother was volunteering then at the Dutchess County SPCA in Hyde Park and she told me they had a few kittens up for adoption that weren't babies but were still young.

I went with her the next day just to see them and that was that. He found me.



He had no fear from the moment he saw me in the cage. There were three of them and I would have gone nuts trying to figure which one to take but he was the first one to come running right up to the cage door mewling. I took him out and right away he was purring and playing with my hair and licking me like I was his mother. I sat on the floor with him for close to an hour and he never once tried to run away. He nuzzled, purred, played and won me over right then and there.

Needless to say he came home with me and became the Sir Edmund to the already-here Sherpa and Hillary. Of course I was a little worried about adding a new kitten to the brood but the fearless little beast I saw in the shelter was no act. As soon as he got home he was out and exploring and hopping around and playing with every toy he could find. I was sitting on the bed watching him and all of a sudden he jumped all the way up to the bed, mewled at me, curled up and went to sleep next to me until he discovered a window seat right there with a view. He was home.

Over the past year he's grown into a one of a kind cat, I am so taken in by him it's not funny. I'm the only person he really loves, Darkstar calls him the Barn Cat. Every time he sees Darkstar he hisses and shows his teeth and swats at him. It's not nasty, it's rough play but he doesn't do that to me. He tolerates my mother but he goes to bite her if she pets him too long.

I'm his person. He licks my nose and sits on the back of my chair when I'm on the computer and comes for loves and purrs. He would easily be the alpha if not for Tempy and there's just something about his tan-copper-honey colour that I find beyond cute and endearing.

He still barns out on me now and then. He does this chattering thing when he's had enough pets and I guess it's supposed to intimidate me but I find it funny as hell. His mouth opens and these weird chattery noises come out and it just makes me poke his barn ass.

His full name is Sir Edmund Charles, the Charles after my dad. He's definitely my beta and he's brought so much joy and sunshine to the past year. I can't wait for many more years of Barn Cat love!