WebKittyn Warbles
Friday, July 01, 2011
Pre Bloodwork Jittery Rambling
I can't sleep so here I am. I have to be up early for the blood tests (every test known to mankind, I'm going to be drained of blood) but I can't sleep. I'm not freaking out but there's definitely some nervous action going on.
I'm trying to force as much water down my gut as I can, there's still time to pee in that jug. You healthy types don't get it, part of the determination of kidney function is how much pee there is. Never in my life did I think I'd ever be concerned over how much I was or wasn't peeing but here we are.
Then I have to wait almost three weeks for the results, that's a pain in the ass. Ugh. If he tries to tell me I need to go back on dialysis we're going to brawl right there in his office. Seriously.
Nerves aside, things aren't bad. A few attacks from the evil kidneys this week but I toughed it out and didn't let them mess with my head. I've been back in touch with a friend I never should have let go of in the first place and that's been a big smile source the past few days. I've got an overload of positives lately and I'm doing my damndest to let them lead the way.
So this is a short one, I'm feeling kind of dizzy and out of it so I'm going to hit the jug one more time and try and rest a bit.
See you all post blood work tomorrow...
I'm trying to force as much water down my gut as I can, there's still time to pee in that jug. You healthy types don't get it, part of the determination of kidney function is how much pee there is. Never in my life did I think I'd ever be concerned over how much I was or wasn't peeing but here we are.
Then I have to wait almost three weeks for the results, that's a pain in the ass. Ugh. If he tries to tell me I need to go back on dialysis we're going to brawl right there in his office. Seriously.
Nerves aside, things aren't bad. A few attacks from the evil kidneys this week but I toughed it out and didn't let them mess with my head. I've been back in touch with a friend I never should have let go of in the first place and that's been a big smile source the past few days. I've got an overload of positives lately and I'm doing my damndest to let them lead the way.
So this is a short one, I'm feeling kind of dizzy and out of it so I'm going to hit the jug one more time and try and rest a bit.
See you all post blood work tomorrow...
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Get Over It
So I was skimming something earlier and I had to laugh my ass off at it.
Most of my regular readers know exactly who the "White Whale of Pa." is and why I absolutely cannot stand the bitch. How everything about this chick makes my skin crawl from her disgusting face to her pompous superior attitude to her one-time pathetic attempt at trying to lay down a set of rules for life I was supposed to follow if I wanted to be friends with her 'man.' Friends. I don't follow rules given to me by insecure obese women in 'open' marriages who like to take truth and twist it. She made a big scene a year or so ago, left a long and utterly ludicrous letter to me on her LJ, the whole thing was comical. Little slutbag has her online boy toy from the other side of the country whom she loves along with her husband who was at one time a good friend. Once it became clear that her plan was to have her cake and eat it too and lay the smack down on a FRIENDSHIP I quickly got out. Took the time to reply to skanky and haven't spoken to him since. Stupid bitch made me lose a friend I cared for but I suppose I should thank her in the long run for showing me that my friend was a spineless man-pet who likes being told what to do and when to do it and how to bark.
All this time later and she's still going on about "some stuff came up which shook my security in our relationship--hell, in my decision-making ability as a whole--from which I'm still recovering given that I've always, without fail, been a ridiculously secure person." OVER A YEAR LATER!!! Honey, it wasn't a big deal. You took a friendship and twisted it, you tried to dictate laws and rules, you were acting like the Princess Bitch and your husband was reaching out to a friend, nothing more. Funny how those who feel the need to tell the world how secure they are are really the least secure and need to say it so maybe they'll believe it. You're still going on about that??
Do I miss the friend? I did for a while but who wants a friend who has to ask permission to talk to you and then runs back and shares every word YOU said (not what they said) with the lunatic? Not this chick. Do I miss him now? Nope. I'm an adult, I prefer to live my life within the laws of society on my terms and I don't have a lot of respect for people who have to have permission to do or say anything. My ex tried to tell me not to talk to certain friends and instead of going forth with wedding plans I walked out. At least I can say I think for myself, control my own choices and no one is going to lay down laws for my day to day.
So why does she feel the need to open her blow-hole and spew this shit once more? Get the hell over it. You got what you wanted, you bullied your way into making sure your husband lost WD and the friends he had made in ImmVille along with the respect of her peers. You put him back in your cage where he may only speak to those you deem fit (which translates to anyone she feels is below her, if she can feel smug and superior it's all good so I guess that was a compliment to me). Stop already, please. Stop acting like I met up with your man at the freaken' hotel and did anything, this was an online friendship and there is no reason for you to bring it up now and claim to STILL be 'wounded" unless you're looking once again for attention or affirmation or validation. Maybe it's the mental issues she loves to brag about like some noble suffering victim of life.
In any case, I have no idea why she felt the need to do this and why she's still hanging on to something that was never there over a year ago. Continue on in your weird little version of what a marriage is and stop writing about me even in vague references. You're even more damaged than I thought you were if you're still bothered by nothing and claiming you were right about nothing. Did it feel good to be right in your eyes and crack that leash on him? Did you think you accomplished anything because I was the one who said this shit is crazy and decided I wanted nothing to do with my friend because he was married to an insecure head case with a God complex?
Enough already. Don't you have a husband to get back to walking or a boy toy on the west coast to proclaim your love for? Leave me out of it, my life is stable and on an upswing and I have nothing to do with any of you so shush and shoo!
This is why we hang out with males. Males don't do shit like this. Woman are batshit.
Most of my regular readers know exactly who the "White Whale of Pa." is and why I absolutely cannot stand the bitch. How everything about this chick makes my skin crawl from her disgusting face to her pompous superior attitude to her one-time pathetic attempt at trying to lay down a set of rules for life I was supposed to follow if I wanted to be friends with her 'man.' Friends. I don't follow rules given to me by insecure obese women in 'open' marriages who like to take truth and twist it. She made a big scene a year or so ago, left a long and utterly ludicrous letter to me on her LJ, the whole thing was comical. Little slutbag has her online boy toy from the other side of the country whom she loves along with her husband who was at one time a good friend. Once it became clear that her plan was to have her cake and eat it too and lay the smack down on a FRIENDSHIP I quickly got out. Took the time to reply to skanky and haven't spoken to him since. Stupid bitch made me lose a friend I cared for but I suppose I should thank her in the long run for showing me that my friend was a spineless man-pet who likes being told what to do and when to do it and how to bark.
All this time later and she's still going on about "some stuff came up which shook my security in our relationship--hell, in my decision-making ability as a whole--from which I'm still recovering given that I've always, without fail, been a ridiculously secure person." OVER A YEAR LATER!!! Honey, it wasn't a big deal. You took a friendship and twisted it, you tried to dictate laws and rules, you were acting like the Princess Bitch and your husband was reaching out to a friend, nothing more. Funny how those who feel the need to tell the world how secure they are are really the least secure and need to say it so maybe they'll believe it. You're still going on about that??
Do I miss the friend? I did for a while but who wants a friend who has to ask permission to talk to you and then runs back and shares every word YOU said (not what they said) with the lunatic? Not this chick. Do I miss him now? Nope. I'm an adult, I prefer to live my life within the laws of society on my terms and I don't have a lot of respect for people who have to have permission to do or say anything. My ex tried to tell me not to talk to certain friends and instead of going forth with wedding plans I walked out. At least I can say I think for myself, control my own choices and no one is going to lay down laws for my day to day.
So why does she feel the need to open her blow-hole and spew this shit once more? Get the hell over it. You got what you wanted, you bullied your way into making sure your husband lost WD and the friends he had made in ImmVille along with the respect of her peers. You put him back in your cage where he may only speak to those you deem fit (which translates to anyone she feels is below her, if she can feel smug and superior it's all good so I guess that was a compliment to me). Stop already, please. Stop acting like I met up with your man at the freaken' hotel and did anything, this was an online friendship and there is no reason for you to bring it up now and claim to STILL be 'wounded" unless you're looking once again for attention or affirmation or validation. Maybe it's the mental issues she loves to brag about like some noble suffering victim of life.
In any case, I have no idea why she felt the need to do this and why she's still hanging on to something that was never there over a year ago. Continue on in your weird little version of what a marriage is and stop writing about me even in vague references. You're even more damaged than I thought you were if you're still bothered by nothing and claiming you were right about nothing. Did it feel good to be right in your eyes and crack that leash on him? Did you think you accomplished anything because I was the one who said this shit is crazy and decided I wanted nothing to do with my friend because he was married to an insecure head case with a God complex?
Enough already. Don't you have a husband to get back to walking or a boy toy on the west coast to proclaim your love for? Leave me out of it, my life is stable and on an upswing and I have nothing to do with any of you so shush and shoo!
This is why we hang out with males. Males don't do shit like this. Woman are batshit.
Monday, June 27, 2011
PEE IN ME!
Such a nasty title, I'm sorry if you're here under false pretenses but I had to do it!!
I've got a big set of bloodwork on Friday, real important. I haven't had tests like this run on me in three years since they took me off the filtering process that ishell dialysis. I'm a little nervous but that's to be expected, I won't find out the results of the tests until July 18th so the waiting is going to suck but I'm pretty sure the results won't be bad. I mean, I have end stage kidney failure so they're going to suck no matter what but I don't think they'll be any worse. I feel better than I have in three years so I have to assume the for the moment, my kidneys are at peace with me.
The most important part of these tests is the GFR (glomerular filtration rate). This is the numeric determination of how much kidney function you have. The be-all and end-all of tests, you can't argue a GFR test. It's a mix of assorted blood levels, urine levels, age, race, gender, etc.
For the curious, it's laid out really well right here.
Last time I took the test I was determined to be at 20% kidney function. That's the bottom of stage 4 kidney disease, 15% starts stage 5 which is the critical permanent dialysis until you get a transplant stage. I was damn close but not that bad. Below 10% and you're pretty much either living on dialysis or dead.
Back in January they did a half-assed GFR test without all the components and determined I was at 19%. This worked for me, a 1% loss in three years means I'm doing something right (it's the weed, I tell you it's the medical marijuana) but without the urine it's not a true count.
This one on Friday is a true count. Here comes the fun part.
I have to "collect" my pee for 24 hours. I get to keep it in the fridge next to the milk and carry it with me Friday to the lab for the bloodwork. Woohoo.
Problem is, the pee container was OBVIOUSLY not designed with the female anatomy in mind. Contrary to what Darkstar thinks, women can not aim their pee (or if they can it's a skill I lack). Were I a male it would be no problem to use this monstrosity but as a woman with woman-parts, I can't help but crack up every time I look at this and wonder what the hell they were thinking....
I took a few pictures of this horrible pee vessel, nothing like sharing the pee humour. I put the thing next to Sir Edmund so you can get an idea of how big it is (who the hell could possibly pee that much in 24 hours????? Even when my kidneys DID work I couldn't come close to filling this bad boy) and because not everyone puts a pic of a pee jug next to a cute cat.
Come, laugh with me. Think of me on Friday when I end up peeing all over my hands or peeing in a plastic cup and pouring it in this stupid jug and putting it in the fridge next to lunch.
(I just realised I'm going to get a gabillion hits off people searching freaky porn with that title but screw it).
Picture time:
I've got a big set of bloodwork on Friday, real important. I haven't had tests like this run on me in three years since they took me off the filtering process that is
The most important part of these tests is the GFR (glomerular filtration rate). This is the numeric determination of how much kidney function you have. The be-all and end-all of tests, you can't argue a GFR test. It's a mix of assorted blood levels, urine levels, age, race, gender, etc.
For the curious, it's laid out really well right here.
Last time I took the test I was determined to be at 20% kidney function. That's the bottom of stage 4 kidney disease, 15% starts stage 5 which is the critical permanent dialysis until you get a transplant stage. I was damn close but not that bad. Below 10% and you're pretty much either living on dialysis or dead.
Back in January they did a half-assed GFR test without all the components and determined I was at 19%. This worked for me, a 1% loss in three years means I'm doing something right (it's the weed, I tell you it's the medical marijuana) but without the urine it's not a true count.
This one on Friday is a true count. Here comes the fun part.
I have to "collect" my pee for 24 hours. I get to keep it in the fridge next to the milk and carry it with me Friday to the lab for the bloodwork. Woohoo.
Problem is, the pee container was OBVIOUSLY not designed with the female anatomy in mind. Contrary to what Darkstar thinks, women can not aim their pee (or if they can it's a skill I lack). Were I a male it would be no problem to use this monstrosity but as a woman with woman-parts, I can't help but crack up every time I look at this and wonder what the hell they were thinking....
I took a few pictures of this horrible pee vessel, nothing like sharing the pee humour. I put the thing next to Sir Edmund so you can get an idea of how big it is (who the hell could possibly pee that much in 24 hours????? Even when my kidneys DID work I couldn't come close to filling this bad boy) and because not everyone puts a pic of a pee jug next to a cute cat.
Come, laugh with me. Think of me on Friday when I end up peeing all over my hands or peeing in a plastic cup and pouring it in this stupid jug and putting it in the fridge next to lunch.
(I just realised I'm going to get a gabillion hits off people searching freaky porn with that title but screw it).
Picture time:
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Yep.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
We’re In It Now, Captain
There's definitely some weird shit going on. Weird. Like major weird. W E I R D.
It's Father's Day. I haven't smoked. I felt like jumping off the Kingston Bridge last night I was so sad.
Today I feel good. Good, do you get this? Good. Genuinely good.
What.....the......hell...........
Where are the cravings (or is that tapping and/or visualising really working?)
Where is the depression?
Where is the anxiety?
Where are the urges to eat to make up for not having a cigarette?
Where the HELL did this confident, content, good feeling consume me? I can't even say mood, it's not a mood. This is a state of mind. It's not like I'm bouncing around now pretending to be happy to cover shit, it's not loud or boisterous or giddy. I just feel like all the pieces are in place and even the broken ones are playing nice. My brain is up there in thigh high boots with a bullwhip keeping the rest of me in check and I'll be damned if it isn't working.
Maybe it's too soon but shouldn't the first day or so be the worst (combined with Father's Day and my not being able to get up there)?
Why am I sitting here looking at a picture of my father, not smoking and smiling instead of the complete opposite? Sitting here feeling like I can do pretty much almost anything (still a few people I haven't mustered up the cajones to approach even though I want to - you know who you are). Sitting here not even impressed with myself for not smoking, I just don't want it.
Why am I sitting here looking at this ridiculous jug I have to pee in and keep in the fridge for 24 hours on July 1st, wondering what idiot MALE made this and forgot female anatomy doesn't work like theirs. Playing Meat Loaf and just genuinely ...... empowered and peaceful and completely centered.
Without freaken' cigarettes.
Where the hell did this come from??????????
Paul McKenna is the real deal, let me tell you... I'm not drinking the Kool Aid or heading off to the comet but this dude is for real. I don't think I'd even be on this path right now if I hadn't been given that book and CD at just the moment I was at my worst. His techniques, tips and exercises are obviously doing the right thing. He's not doing this, I'm doing this but he jump-started the old jalopy with the right electrical currents and now that jalopy is getting ready for the Grand Prix.
I may not understand where all this clarity is coming from or how it's happening but I am smart enough to understand and appreciate the fact that I'm 'getting off easy' with the cigarettes so far and the way I feel right now is what I need to hang on to.
I woke up for the first time in (way) over 20 years and tapped instead of smoked. It worked and I went on with life.
Hello stranger, who the hell are you and how did you get in my body?
SCREW IT. LET'S DO IT!!!
It's Father's Day. I haven't smoked. I felt like jumping off the Kingston Bridge last night I was so sad.
Today I feel good. Good, do you get this? Good. Genuinely good.
What.....the......hell...........
Where are the cravings (or is that tapping and/or visualising really working?)
Where is the depression?
Where is the anxiety?
Where are the urges to eat to make up for not having a cigarette?
Where the HELL did this confident, content, good feeling consume me? I can't even say mood, it's not a mood. This is a state of mind. It's not like I'm bouncing around now pretending to be happy to cover shit, it's not loud or boisterous or giddy. I just feel like all the pieces are in place and even the broken ones are playing nice. My brain is up there in thigh high boots with a bullwhip keeping the rest of me in check and I'll be damned if it isn't working.
Maybe it's too soon but shouldn't the first day or so be the worst (combined with Father's Day and my not being able to get up there)?
Why am I sitting here looking at a picture of my father, not smoking and smiling instead of the complete opposite? Sitting here feeling like I can do pretty much almost anything (still a few people I haven't mustered up the cajones to approach even though I want to - you know who you are). Sitting here not even impressed with myself for not smoking, I just don't want it.
Why am I sitting here looking at this ridiculous jug I have to pee in and keep in the fridge for 24 hours on July 1st, wondering what idiot MALE made this and forgot female anatomy doesn't work like theirs. Playing Meat Loaf and just genuinely ...... empowered and peaceful and completely centered.
Without freaken' cigarettes.
Where the hell did this come from??????????
Paul McKenna is the real deal, let me tell you... I'm not drinking the Kool Aid or heading off to the comet but this dude is for real. I don't think I'd even be on this path right now if I hadn't been given that book and CD at just the moment I was at my worst. His techniques, tips and exercises are obviously doing the right thing. He's not doing this, I'm doing this but he jump-started the old jalopy with the right electrical currents and now that jalopy is getting ready for the Grand Prix.
I may not understand where all this clarity is coming from or how it's happening but I am smart enough to understand and appreciate the fact that I'm 'getting off easy' with the cigarettes so far and the way I feel right now is what I need to hang on to.
I woke up for the first time in (way) over 20 years and tapped instead of smoked. It worked and I went on with life.
Hello stranger, who the hell are you and how did you get in my body?
SCREW IT. LET'S DO IT!!!
<-- Steal me!
