WebKittyn Warbles
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Why I Make a Crappy Girlfriend and a Happy Single Person
Don't get me wrong, I love love. I love the idea of love and I'm not opposed to love if it falls in my lap but I don't need romantic love in my life. Maybe that's why I make it so hard for anyone trying to woo me (love the word woo), I already know I make a crappy girlfriend and I'm not really looking to change. I've been told I'm a pain in the ass to deal with on that level and I'm alright with that. Not everyone needs to have that other person in their life to have a full and interesting life. Again, if I happened to meet someone who blew through all my walls and passed all the mental tests I have that I'm not even totally aware of I wouldn't walk away but it's not necessary.
1. I never want to be the center of anyone's world. I can't handle that. I don't want anyone so into me they make their world about me. That scares me, it makes me feel suffocated. I've reacted really badly in the past when people have done that and I get that it's on me. Most people want that, they would give anything to have someone make them the center of their universe but it doesn't work for me. I love seeing my friends who are those types of relationships and I smile at their joy and I get it, I just don't want it for me.
I also could never make anyone the center of my world. I have friends I've had for 20+ years and they are the ones who stuck by me through a lifetime of changes and events. My best friend will always come first, I have a fierce sense of loyalty and as much as I may love someone new to my world, they have to understand and accept that time and tribulations have earned these people special places in my life that I will never sacrifice for anyone.
2. I need alone time. I'm used to alone time. If I had to see someone every day I think I'd go crazy. Three or maybe four times a week is enough and even that's pushing it if it's weekly. I've got a life, I've got projects I'm working on, websites I should be working on, stuff for the station we've put off for over a year.. I need for him to also have a full life outside of me and he has to want to continue living his life regardless of relationship status. Go out with your friends, do whatever you did before the relationship. Don't change your habits for me.
3. I tend not to answer the phone. If I'm working on something or not feeling all that chipper, I tend to not pick up the phone. There may be a few days in a row where there is no contact except for a few texts here and there and that has to be alright. I'm used to being alone, I'm comfortable in calling my own shots and if I don't want to answer the phone I don't need people getting uppity about it. Same with IMs, if I've got N/A on, it's for a reason, don't come on and ask me 'how was your day' or some other inane small talk.
4. I hate the idea of sharing a bed. I think this one is because I'm used to my twin mattress, I might not mind so much if it were a king sized bed but he'd have to have his own blanket. I can't share a blanket. I need my own blanket, my own two pillows and don't put your arm on me because I switch sides all night. My ex used to sleep over and we'd both be in my twin and he'd wake me up in the morning with his .... well, you know.
5. No physical contact in hot weather unless it's in a well air-conditioned place. I hate sweat, I don't like being touched by sweaty people and I usually say 'mating season is closed from Memorial Day to Labor Day.' I know it's ridiculous but the last thing I want when it's 90 degrees outside is some sweaty dude hanging on me, no matter how good looking he is. It's hard to explain to people how much I truly hate the Summer while most of the world wants to be out on the beach. I hibernate next to ACs in the Summer and come out again come Autumn.
6. I'm a blogger. The good and the bad of the relationship are going to end up in the blog whether he likes it or not. If it's a part of my life it's on the Warbles and I've never believed in self-censoring what I write here. This tends to weird out the privacy buffs.
7. My cats will always come before any man, particularly Templeton. There's no room for debate there, the cats will always have the top seat and they know it. Tempy is my alpha and my confidante and if I could only save the man or the cat from drowning I'd be hugging Templeton whilst crying for the now-dead man.
8. I'm a FarmVille fiend. Love me, love my farm. I don't care if he farms or not but he has to pretend to be interested when I'm talking about the latest piglet I've bred or my latest tree mastery.
9. I'm not Mommy material. I see what my friends who are mothers do for their families and I boggle at their strength and selflessness. I don't have this. There are just some people who are not cut out to be mothers and I'm one of them. I'd make an awesome stepmother, my ideal man would already have kids. I would be a stepmother they could relate to and talk to and I would be content with that role.
10. I'm a serious pain in the ass. I'm stubborn. I'm opinionated and eccentric and just plain strange. I know there are definitely parts of my character I need to improve and work on and you're never too old to refine and redefine things about yourself but for the most part I'm not really looking to change much. The past three years have really changed me and the past year in particular as I finally came to terms with things as they are. I like being a stubborn pain in the ass.
So there are the top ten reasons I make a crappy girlfriend. I'm not ragging on myself, I could easily counter it with ten reasons I make a great girlfriend but I'm not selling anything here or looking to find amore so it's not necessary. This came up in conversation with a friend and it's another reason to blog and get this place breathing again.
I never rule anything out though. As Harlan Ellison so stunningly put it:
1. I never want to be the center of anyone's world. I can't handle that. I don't want anyone so into me they make their world about me. That scares me, it makes me feel suffocated. I've reacted really badly in the past when people have done that and I get that it's on me. Most people want that, they would give anything to have someone make them the center of their universe but it doesn't work for me. I love seeing my friends who are those types of relationships and I smile at their joy and I get it, I just don't want it for me.
I also could never make anyone the center of my world. I have friends I've had for 20+ years and they are the ones who stuck by me through a lifetime of changes and events. My best friend will always come first, I have a fierce sense of loyalty and as much as I may love someone new to my world, they have to understand and accept that time and tribulations have earned these people special places in my life that I will never sacrifice for anyone.
2. I need alone time. I'm used to alone time. If I had to see someone every day I think I'd go crazy. Three or maybe four times a week is enough and even that's pushing it if it's weekly. I've got a life, I've got projects I'm working on, websites I should be working on, stuff for the station we've put off for over a year.. I need for him to also have a full life outside of me and he has to want to continue living his life regardless of relationship status. Go out with your friends, do whatever you did before the relationship. Don't change your habits for me.
3. I tend not to answer the phone. If I'm working on something or not feeling all that chipper, I tend to not pick up the phone. There may be a few days in a row where there is no contact except for a few texts here and there and that has to be alright. I'm used to being alone, I'm comfortable in calling my own shots and if I don't want to answer the phone I don't need people getting uppity about it. Same with IMs, if I've got N/A on, it's for a reason, don't come on and ask me 'how was your day' or some other inane small talk.
4. I hate the idea of sharing a bed. I think this one is because I'm used to my twin mattress, I might not mind so much if it were a king sized bed but he'd have to have his own blanket. I can't share a blanket. I need my own blanket, my own two pillows and don't put your arm on me because I switch sides all night. My ex used to sleep over and we'd both be in my twin and he'd wake me up in the morning with his .... well, you know.
5. No physical contact in hot weather unless it's in a well air-conditioned place. I hate sweat, I don't like being touched by sweaty people and I usually say 'mating season is closed from Memorial Day to Labor Day.' I know it's ridiculous but the last thing I want when it's 90 degrees outside is some sweaty dude hanging on me, no matter how good looking he is. It's hard to explain to people how much I truly hate the Summer while most of the world wants to be out on the beach. I hibernate next to ACs in the Summer and come out again come Autumn.
6. I'm a blogger. The good and the bad of the relationship are going to end up in the blog whether he likes it or not. If it's a part of my life it's on the Warbles and I've never believed in self-censoring what I write here. This tends to weird out the privacy buffs.
7. My cats will always come before any man, particularly Templeton. There's no room for debate there, the cats will always have the top seat and they know it. Tempy is my alpha and my confidante and if I could only save the man or the cat from drowning I'd be hugging Templeton whilst crying for the now-dead man.
8. I'm a FarmVille fiend. Love me, love my farm. I don't care if he farms or not but he has to pretend to be interested when I'm talking about the latest piglet I've bred or my latest tree mastery.
9. I'm not Mommy material. I see what my friends who are mothers do for their families and I boggle at their strength and selflessness. I don't have this. There are just some people who are not cut out to be mothers and I'm one of them. I'd make an awesome stepmother, my ideal man would already have kids. I would be a stepmother they could relate to and talk to and I would be content with that role.
10. I'm a serious pain in the ass. I'm stubborn. I'm opinionated and eccentric and just plain strange. I know there are definitely parts of my character I need to improve and work on and you're never too old to refine and redefine things about yourself but for the most part I'm not really looking to change much. The past three years have really changed me and the past year in particular as I finally came to terms with things as they are. I like being a stubborn pain in the ass.
So there are the top ten reasons I make a crappy girlfriend. I'm not ragging on myself, I could easily counter it with ten reasons I make a great girlfriend but I'm not selling anything here or looking to find amore so it's not necessary. This came up in conversation with a friend and it's another reason to blog and get this place breathing again.
I never rule anything out though. As Harlan Ellison so stunningly put it:
"Do they chill, the breezes that whisper of yesterday, the winds that come from a hidden valley near the top of the world? Do they bite, the shadowy thoughts that lie at the bottom of your heart during daylight hours, that swirl up like wood smoke in the night? Can you hear the memories of those who have gone before, calling to you when the weakness takes you, close to midnight? They are the winds, the thoughts, the voices of memory that prevail in the hour that lies between awareness and reverie. And on the other side of the world, hearing the same song, is your one true love, understanding no better than you, that those who cared and went away are trying to bring you together. Can you breach the world that keeps you apart?"
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
What Was My Interest and Yah, I Make a Crappy Girlfrend and I’m Okay with That
*blows the dust off this place*
Seems like blogging has been swallowed up in this world of Twitter and Facebook but I miss the good ole days when I would come here and just write without thinking or wondering which of 300 friends is going to read it. So why is it linked? Because hopefully I'll draw back some of the readers I lost when I stopped writing and then I can stop linking. For now it works, some new friends see it posted and read stuff they'd otherwise miss because it's here. Enough qualifying, she snickers?
An ex asked me a question the other night that was probably rhetorical but I can't pass something like that up. Then I got into a conversation with a single friend who is the polar opposite of me in that she feels she needs to be married. She feels like she's missing something without that person in her life and she was questioning how I can genuinely prefer being single and not having kids. So of course between the two of them they got me thinking.
What was my interest. I can answer that. First we'll cover the superficial shit. You were stunning. You were Robert Chambers in a Fiat and your hair drove me crazy. You were this amazingly sexy prepped out guy and had a look that just zinged me. I could and did lose myself many times running my hands through that hair. You had a good job, you had money, I felt sexy standing next to you and at times I made you look good as well. But that's the easy stuff.
You made me challenge and change myself. I remembered all the nasty shit you and Putz and DS would say about me when you were all in Eastchester. Suddenly you were back in the picture in Mt. Vernon with DS and you were the leader of the 'pack' and I wanted you. I dieted, I worked out, I became a whole new person physically so I could walk into that store and set the game afoot. Who knew it would change everything when I became that new person, it was like an awakening.
Then there was the chase. I never want what I can have, the minute I can have it I no longer want it. I've never worked so hard for anything in my life.. Schemed so much. Planned so much. That picnic at that park in Eastchester when you had no idea where the hell you were going any why it was under a bunch of trees. You tested every limit of my mind and will and I loved every second of the challenge. You never made it easy. Even when you swore your undying love I knew you'd either forget it the next day or pretend to forget it to make it easy for you but I let it go on and I let you say it because for the moment it sounded good.
I knew you didn't really love me, I never had any illusions of true love. I was okay with that.
Yet there were the times the vulnerability came blaring through. You were damaged goods from the ex, you tried so hard all the time to make your father proud while at the same time not wanting to turn into him even if he was your hero. You were insecure and brilliant and flawed and I would have walked to the end of the world for those times when you were away from your cronies and not so drunk as to be full of booze love but still allowed yourself to be that scared geeky guy who needed to be accepted and who needed to be more than he was.
It wasn't just the chase. You were funny, you really made me laugh. My friends thought you were dopey but they loved you. You were every bit as smart as I was and we had some amazing conversations. That first and terribly awkward date at the Indian restaurant, I was terrified. You were my equal. I challenged you. I wasn't easy either. In the beginning I simply wouldn't go away and I took a lot of crap from your pals before they became my pals as well. I called you on your antics, I didn't give in and sleep with you. Maybe I should have, who knows.
You gave up too easy. You let me go to Jerry and then you let yourself be lured away by a mutual friend. You should have put more stock into the three years we spent playing real life chess and you should have taken me, tossed me over your shoulder and that should have been that.
But we've moved on, moved into completely different lives. I'm happy for where you've turned out, I know your position has quelled some of the inner daemons and you've done pretty damn well for yourself. We've remained friends and that's a rare and special gift.
I don't regret how it turned out, that's too many kids for me to have pushed out. I do sometimes wonder what if though.
I don't know if I'd trust myself alone with you even today and I admit this openly and freely but it's from a safe distance.
My interest was simple. It was you. The totality of you.
Actually, I don't want to mix entries. I'll save why I make a crappy girlfriend and my advice to my sad single friend for the next post.
Seems like blogging has been swallowed up in this world of Twitter and Facebook but I miss the good ole days when I would come here and just write without thinking or wondering which of 300 friends is going to read it. So why is it linked? Because hopefully I'll draw back some of the readers I lost when I stopped writing and then I can stop linking. For now it works, some new friends see it posted and read stuff they'd otherwise miss because it's here. Enough qualifying, she snickers?
An ex asked me a question the other night that was probably rhetorical but I can't pass something like that up. Then I got into a conversation with a single friend who is the polar opposite of me in that she feels she needs to be married. She feels like she's missing something without that person in her life and she was questioning how I can genuinely prefer being single and not having kids. So of course between the two of them they got me thinking.
What was my interest. I can answer that. First we'll cover the superficial shit. You were stunning. You were Robert Chambers in a Fiat and your hair drove me crazy. You were this amazingly sexy prepped out guy and had a look that just zinged me. I could and did lose myself many times running my hands through that hair. You had a good job, you had money, I felt sexy standing next to you and at times I made you look good as well. But that's the easy stuff.
You made me challenge and change myself. I remembered all the nasty shit you and Putz and DS would say about me when you were all in Eastchester. Suddenly you were back in the picture in Mt. Vernon with DS and you were the leader of the 'pack' and I wanted you. I dieted, I worked out, I became a whole new person physically so I could walk into that store and set the game afoot. Who knew it would change everything when I became that new person, it was like an awakening.
Then there was the chase. I never want what I can have, the minute I can have it I no longer want it. I've never worked so hard for anything in my life.. Schemed so much. Planned so much. That picnic at that park in Eastchester when you had no idea where the hell you were going any why it was under a bunch of trees. You tested every limit of my mind and will and I loved every second of the challenge. You never made it easy. Even when you swore your undying love I knew you'd either forget it the next day or pretend to forget it to make it easy for you but I let it go on and I let you say it because for the moment it sounded good.
I knew you didn't really love me, I never had any illusions of true love. I was okay with that.
Yet there were the times the vulnerability came blaring through. You were damaged goods from the ex, you tried so hard all the time to make your father proud while at the same time not wanting to turn into him even if he was your hero. You were insecure and brilliant and flawed and I would have walked to the end of the world for those times when you were away from your cronies and not so drunk as to be full of booze love but still allowed yourself to be that scared geeky guy who needed to be accepted and who needed to be more than he was.
It wasn't just the chase. You were funny, you really made me laugh. My friends thought you were dopey but they loved you. You were every bit as smart as I was and we had some amazing conversations. That first and terribly awkward date at the Indian restaurant, I was terrified. You were my equal. I challenged you. I wasn't easy either. In the beginning I simply wouldn't go away and I took a lot of crap from your pals before they became my pals as well. I called you on your antics, I didn't give in and sleep with you. Maybe I should have, who knows.
You gave up too easy. You let me go to Jerry and then you let yourself be lured away by a mutual friend. You should have put more stock into the three years we spent playing real life chess and you should have taken me, tossed me over your shoulder and that should have been that.
But we've moved on, moved into completely different lives. I'm happy for where you've turned out, I know your position has quelled some of the inner daemons and you've done pretty damn well for yourself. We've remained friends and that's a rare and special gift.
I don't regret how it turned out, that's too many kids for me to have pushed out. I do sometimes wonder what if though.
I don't know if I'd trust myself alone with you even today and I admit this openly and freely but it's from a safe distance.
My interest was simple. It was you. The totality of you.
Actually, I don't want to mix entries. I'll save why I make a crappy girlfriend and my advice to my sad single friend for the next post.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Oscopy Time for Bonzo (optional reading on FB, blog post)
I haven't really talked about this because quite frankly it scares the crap out of me. Bad choice of words, It scares the bejesus out of me.
After much much much delay, I finally faced my fears and went to the gastroenterologist. Two and a half years of nearly daily multiple throwing up sessions finally wore me down and I made that stupid promise to myself that this was the time I started doing everything I've been too chickenshit to confront.
I really thought it would be an easy visit where he would confrm the barfing is kidney-related and we'd move on. HA.
He couldn't be sure from an office visit but he said he was pretty sure it wasn't entirely kidney as it's not steady barfing. I can go a week with nothing and then it starts again and there's no relation to whether I eat or not. It could be kidney but he wasn't sure.
His solution? The dreaded due of scopies. Both to be performed at the same time as putting me under with malignant hypertension and stage 4 kidney failure is risky so he'd prefer to do them both at once.
I'll refrain the many bad taste jokes I've been making to Darkstar about having a camera up my ass and down my gut at the same time, sometimes it's funny but mostly it scares me to the point of breaking down like a little girl.
Let's discuss the prep for the colonoscopy. 4 Ducolax pills (not the best for kidneys) an and ENTIRE 8.5 ounce bottle of Miralax (also not recommended for kidney patients) mixed into 64 ounces of liquid to be drunk (drank?) over a 2 hour period. Liquid diet the day before as I drink this swill.
I'll be totally out during the double procedure but if you're familiar with my history you recall I have an ungodly resistance to anesthesia and have woken up in the middle of getting wisdom teeth pulled and in Albany when they were changing my chest catheter ("Heather, we gave you enough anesthesia to put out a horse...") and the thought that I might wake up with foreign objects in me would spike the malignant hypertension right back into another seizure set. So yah, I'm fucken scared.
Darkstar is coming up, at least I'll have my best friend willing to sit up with me the whole night before as I know I'm going to be a crying, hysterical terrified mess.
This is all happening next Wednesday, April 6th. I can't stop dwelling on it and I go between sick disgusting jokes and cowering in fear.
It's going to be a rough week for me. Hopefully those close to me will show a little extra compassion and understanding. I know it's a routine procedure but doing them both at once is not routine and when you have malignant hypertension and stage 4 kidney failure there is no such thing as a routine procedure involving anesthesia.
This is really going to suck and I admit it, I am officially traumatised already.
But I'm doing it, I made that goddamn promise and I'm going to keep it.
After much much much delay, I finally faced my fears and went to the gastroenterologist. Two and a half years of nearly daily multiple throwing up sessions finally wore me down and I made that stupid promise to myself that this was the time I started doing everything I've been too chickenshit to confront.
I really thought it would be an easy visit where he would confrm the barfing is kidney-related and we'd move on. HA.
He couldn't be sure from an office visit but he said he was pretty sure it wasn't entirely kidney as it's not steady barfing. I can go a week with nothing and then it starts again and there's no relation to whether I eat or not. It could be kidney but he wasn't sure.
His solution? The dreaded due of scopies. Both to be performed at the same time as putting me under with malignant hypertension and stage 4 kidney failure is risky so he'd prefer to do them both at once.
I'll refrain the many bad taste jokes I've been making to Darkstar about having a camera up my ass and down my gut at the same time, sometimes it's funny but mostly it scares me to the point of breaking down like a little girl.
Let's discuss the prep for the colonoscopy. 4 Ducolax pills (not the best for kidneys) an and ENTIRE 8.5 ounce bottle of Miralax (also not recommended for kidney patients) mixed into 64 ounces of liquid to be drunk (drank?) over a 2 hour period. Liquid diet the day before as I drink this swill.
I'll be totally out during the double procedure but if you're familiar with my history you recall I have an ungodly resistance to anesthesia and have woken up in the middle of getting wisdom teeth pulled and in Albany when they were changing my chest catheter ("Heather, we gave you enough anesthesia to put out a horse...") and the thought that I might wake up with foreign objects in me would spike the malignant hypertension right back into another seizure set. So yah, I'm fucken scared.
Darkstar is coming up, at least I'll have my best friend willing to sit up with me the whole night before as I know I'm going to be a crying, hysterical terrified mess.
This is all happening next Wednesday, April 6th. I can't stop dwelling on it and I go between sick disgusting jokes and cowering in fear.
It's going to be a rough week for me. Hopefully those close to me will show a little extra compassion and understanding. I know it's a routine procedure but doing them both at once is not routine and when you have malignant hypertension and stage 4 kidney failure there is no such thing as a routine procedure involving anesthesia.
This is really going to suck and I admit it, I am officially traumatised already.
But I'm doing it, I made that goddamn promise and I'm going to keep it.
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
About Me and My Return to Blogging
There's been a lot of stuff I've been wanting to write about lately, time to put this blog back to use. Not yet, I want to get this out there first as I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the blog being linked to facebook. My blog has been my little corner of the internet world since 2004 and while I'm not a "power blogger," I had a few steady readers who would wander over to check out what was up and leave a comment.
I stopped using the blog, it became a place of sadness and death and disease and looking at it depressed me. Time to change that as I've started to change my life.
I'm torn about linking the blog to facebook. I like the fact that I know there are some people who are interested and would want to read what's there and don't have the time to go wandering blog after blog. I appreciate these people.
On the flip side, I don't want people feeling like they have to read it or I expect them to read it. I don't. I'm not looking for attention or pity or really even to be noticed. Not with the blog entries.
I also have strong opinions on myself and where I'm going. I'm tough on myself and it comes across in my writing and I can see where it can be construed as fishing for people to come pat me on the back. Not the case.
I also wear my heart on my sleeve. I've never cared about spilling my guts on my blog, the good as well as the bad. I'm an emotional person, always have been. If I'm feeling sad, I'm going to be sad and it will come across. I don't need pats on the back, sad passes. I just write what I'm feeling and I don't write in my blog for the sake of others.
I've made a whole slew of mistakes and bad choices over the past two years and I've recently decided to tackle them all and fix the damage I've done. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure I'll have periods of weakness that to those looking for something to judge might sound like whining or moping. Maybe it is, maybe it will be. It will pass.
I think of myself as pretty strong with all I've been through and I'm going to change what I need to change, that's not up for debate anymore.
But I'm definitely not for everyone. I don't need to be judged, healed (unless you've got some magical cure for end stage renal failure), fixed, taped back together or hand-fed biscuits of pity.
Yes, I am damaged goods and partially broken but I've finally realised what I need to do to fix myself and it's already started.
Best piece of advice I can give the casual facebook friend is when you see the little yellow NetworkedBlogs circle under the entry, might be a good time to click on. I won't be hurt if no one reads or comments. This is my journey and while the support is appreciated, the results are up to me and the work is on me.
Blogging has helped me figure things out for seven years. I need that right now and I'm returning to what I know.
So that's my disclaimer. Today was the first day of the Nutrisystem, tomorrow is the stomach doctor, it's getting done. Right now I'm up, in three days my spirits might be down.
It's okay if you don't like me because of what I write, it's okay if you think I'm insane or doing the wrong things or not on the right thought path. I'll get there.
Remember, NetworkedBlogs posts are completely read at your own risk and no judging please.
Thank you.
I stopped using the blog, it became a place of sadness and death and disease and looking at it depressed me. Time to change that as I've started to change my life.
I'm torn about linking the blog to facebook. I like the fact that I know there are some people who are interested and would want to read what's there and don't have the time to go wandering blog after blog. I appreciate these people.
On the flip side, I don't want people feeling like they have to read it or I expect them to read it. I don't. I'm not looking for attention or pity or really even to be noticed. Not with the blog entries.
I also have strong opinions on myself and where I'm going. I'm tough on myself and it comes across in my writing and I can see where it can be construed as fishing for people to come pat me on the back. Not the case.
I also wear my heart on my sleeve. I've never cared about spilling my guts on my blog, the good as well as the bad. I'm an emotional person, always have been. If I'm feeling sad, I'm going to be sad and it will come across. I don't need pats on the back, sad passes. I just write what I'm feeling and I don't write in my blog for the sake of others.
I've made a whole slew of mistakes and bad choices over the past two years and I've recently decided to tackle them all and fix the damage I've done. It's not going to be easy and I'm sure I'll have periods of weakness that to those looking for something to judge might sound like whining or moping. Maybe it is, maybe it will be. It will pass.
I think of myself as pretty strong with all I've been through and I'm going to change what I need to change, that's not up for debate anymore.
But I'm definitely not for everyone. I don't need to be judged, healed (unless you've got some magical cure for end stage renal failure), fixed, taped back together or hand-fed biscuits of pity.
Yes, I am damaged goods and partially broken but I've finally realised what I need to do to fix myself and it's already started.
Best piece of advice I can give the casual facebook friend is when you see the little yellow NetworkedBlogs circle under the entry, might be a good time to click on. I won't be hurt if no one reads or comments. This is my journey and while the support is appreciated, the results are up to me and the work is on me.
Blogging has helped me figure things out for seven years. I need that right now and I'm returning to what I know.
So that's my disclaimer. Today was the first day of the Nutrisystem, tomorrow is the stomach doctor, it's getting done. Right now I'm up, in three days my spirits might be down.
It's okay if you don't like me because of what I write, it's okay if you think I'm insane or doing the wrong things or not on the right thought path. I'll get there.
Remember, NetworkedBlogs posts are completely read at your own risk and no judging please.
Thank you.
Wednesday, February 09, 2011
Remembering Claude and Sherpa’s Two Year Anniversary RePost
It still makes me sad, I still miss that cat terribly. I have his ashes in an urn by my bed, I talk to him now and then and I swear sometimes he's here playing with the rest of them when they chase off after nothing.
He was my first cat, he was my love and he was responsible for making me the crazy cat lady I am today.
I didn't want this day to go forgotten.
I still love you and miss you, Claudie.
I wrote this
So it seems fitting that on the anniversary of a loss we celebrate an addition.
My mother and I decided this house needed something so we went for a cat. I have a hell of a story to tell about that but I'm going to save that, this entry is written with respect for my Claudie.
Please allow me to introduce the newest addition to the Ives family - Sherpa. Yes, Sherpa.
She's 6-7 months old and she hasn't stopped running since we let her out of the carrier. She's sweet and full of life and I think today was the first day I smiled and meant it since my dad died.
Here's to a long and happy life, little Sherpa. And Claudie, you are always with me to this day. I hope you're out there sleeping next to my dad and his heater somewhere.
Meow.
<-- Steal me!
