WebKittyn Warbles

When I was younger, starting around 12, we would go out every year for my birthday. It was my dad's idea. I would get to pick wherever I wanted to go and we would take 5 or so of my friends and go out to eat. We did all the big names in NYC; Russian Tea Room, Windows on the World, Tavern on the Green, Mama Leone's, Old Homestead Steakhouse, all of them. Trader Vic's was the one I loved the most and asked to go back to a few years in a row. Those were really happy times.

Last year I spent my birthday in a hospital bed with a catheter in my chest and a room full of balloons. I thought it was as bad as it gets. I was wrong.

Tomorrow night we'll be going out to dinner for my birthday, my first birthday and birthday dinner without my dad. I wish it was any other day but my birthday, I have never felt more un-birthday. It amplifies the sadness and the emptiness and the loss a thousand times.

A few people have really gone above and beyond to try and help me this birthday, you know who you are. It's amazing how something as simple as a card can really bring a smile. Thank you. As soon as I make it past tomorrow I'll do my personal thanking, it's just hard enough as it is to keep it together for my mother and my stupid birthday.

I would go back to the hospital birthday in a second if these things were possible.

I really miss my dad.

Fuck it, at least there will be cake. Give me a fork and some milk and let me have at it.