Sunday, February 27, 2005

Alright, I’ve had enough.

I made a decision yesterday to end once and for all a bad and painful situation. I let a friend and staff member go from the game and my life. Unlike past tiffs with this person, this one is for real.

Last night I was upset with it all, spent the day pretty much in bed in tears and then the killer headache from hell came on and that was bad juju. Today I'm not upset, today I am angry and disgusted with myself for not doing this sooner and as sad as it all is, I'm not sorry.

I'm tired of crap in my life, I'm tired of other people and their psychotic ideas of what relationships mean. Be it friendship or more, I'm sick to death of relationship tyrants and their twisted ideas on what is and isn't.

I'm tired of writing stuff here only to have it thrown in my face via attitude or sarcasm. I'm tired of lowering my standards to the lowest common denominator and pretending it's alright. I'm tired of morons with mouths who intentionally go out of their way to say only negative and nasty things. I'm tired of people who want to dictate what others should do and think and act like a whining child when they don't get their way. I'm tired of stupid petty jealousies over slobbering and purring, I mean come on, grow up. I'm tired of those who think they know everything
and always have to be right. I'm tired of one sided people who do whatever they want with no regard or though but are the very first ones to jump on me. I'm tired of people jealous of blog sites, get a grip. I'm tired of insensitive assholes who say things that hurt and then defend them. I'm tired of blame shifters who live to portray the perpetual victim, always to be fucked by the evil world. I'm tired of people always in a bad mood because they choose to be. I'm tired of people using their emotions as a weapon. I'm tired of asking for simple things like a phone call. I'm just tired.

And last night before the headache set in something dawned on me while sitting in Jamaica. I was having a decent time. There were 17 people on and I was having a decent time. No one was talking about tits and beer or getting stoned or how horrid marriage is or how bad people are. No one was in a nasty mood, no one was doing NOTHING but talking bad about clans or people. No one was making everyone else uncomfortable with their attitude.

Always hurts to lose a friend. Hurts less when you wake up and realise you never really had a friend, you were there to fill a gap in someone's empty life. An internet fix-it for a less than happy life. That's not me, thank you. I'm not afraid of people, I can call them and meet them and go hang out and live like a normal human being. I can't help everyone and sometimes the mental issues inside the head are more than I can deal with, I'm not a therapist and I'm not a happy pill.

I'm sorry it went down the way it did but I'm not sorry it went down, it should have gone down a long time ago with the onset of the 24/7 attitude but I'm a sucker at heart. But it's over now and a thing of the past and someone I shall never cross paths with again in my life. This gives me comfort.

Here's to Spring cleaning.