Thursday, December 08, 2005

Been a While

My head has been in so many places lately I'm surprised I'm functioning. I feel like today is the first day in a week where I have no obligations or things I need to be working on (besides the 9 new blogs waiting to be made). I'm not sure what sort of mood I'm in. It's not bad but it's far from festive. Almost two weeks until Christmas, I should work on festive.

I want to thank Shutter. No link, links stand out and I'm not doing this for attention. I was a tad upset last night over some stuff that I really did not need on my first night live and after it was over I was talking to Shutter. Not about any of it, just talking. It helped get my mind back in place and he cheered me up just by being Shutter and talking about nothing. Sometimes that's just what it takes.

Life isn't bad all around though even if I did submit my first-ever complaint to the Better Business Bureau about a place I ordered something from who have obviously went and hired a bunch of rejects from the funny farm. Damn skippy I'm a righteous bitch when it comes to stuff like that. I don't mind paying for expensive items, if I see something for someone and it fits that person fine, I'm going to get it. And I don't mind paying up the ass for rush delivery. I'm not looking for something for nothing, I'm the one who even friggin' registered Limewire, I'm honest like that. But God Damn it Dooley, if I'm paying big bucks for something then at least TRY and get it right on your end.

Ok, time to spare the world and cut this entry. As much as I love the holidays, I don't give a fat rat's ass what anyone says - people get fucken weird this time of year. That's why I stopped doing the party circle. It's all love and cheer at the start but by the end of the night after too many drinks, the weird comes out. It's a season of extreme ups and downs and it makes me dizzy. It's also one year I happen to be stable.

I'm internally happy this year, last year I wasn't. I'm definitely not peaceful and there's a large list of shit I didn't get done this year that I swore I would but all in all this has been a decent year. I'm not in a bad place right now mentally or physically, this year I'm just content. Last night I was bummed.

I remain steadfast in my campaign of anti-negativity until Christmas. I'm not Pollyanna, I don't pretend that everywhere I look is full of flowers and puppies. I know fullhand how dark the holiday season can be, I've spent many nights in the past sitting vigil with various friends who were in that dark place. But it's the intentional negativity that I am determined to avoid at all costs.

I see a lot of it on the mud, people who simply have to be negative because they choose to be. Everything sucks and it's fun to mock others because they're swimming in negativity. I should change the Iron Maiden on the mud to a "jolly Christmas elf" and trans them there when they start up. Make it like Nav's snipe and have it repeat sickeningly sweet sayings while they can't move.

I can't say for sure everyone who matters to me will be alive and well next Christmas. 9/11 left its legacy with me, that little voice in the back of my head that whispers before every holiday or occasion. Everything I know and love could easily be gone in the snap of a finger and I'll be damned if I'm not going to do all I can to make what I can good while everyone is still here. People who choose only to dwell on the negative are entitled to do so but I'll be keeping my distance.

I have a great family and a truly wonderful circle of friends, real world and online. I'm healthy and alive and even if I don't sleep enough, life could be a Hell of a lot worse.

I miss Justin, I miss Vinny, I miss those who came and went from my world this year but there are good memories.

I'm going to go grab some apple and cinnamon and pine smelling candles and go chill in the guest room where it's dark. Maybe the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Be will come visit.

Such a strange time of year.

1. I must agree on the weirdness of this time of year, it always reminds me of Moe on the Simpsons, cause he’s always the one depressed during Christmas, as the one episode said “Moe took his head out of the oven and replaced it with a plump bird”.  I don’t know too many people around that get gloomy on Christmas, and I wish everyone a good christmas.

   Content is the next best thing next to happiness, and for the three or more years I’ve really watched you work and accomplish things, 2005 is definitely at the top of good years.  I’m just sorry I missed the event yesterday, but the deity pack items all have short/long/name descriptions.

   Ackmon  on  12/08  at  09:31 PM

2. WK, Thanks. Anytime you need a talk about nothing, let me know.
   

   CaptShutter  on  12/08  at  11:36 PM
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