Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Blog Exchange - To Spank or Not to Spank!

This post is my entry for the November Blog Exchange. This month we were paired and given a topic on which the partners will take opposing sides and defend their views. I was given spanking and I am all for it. My partner this month is Mayberry Mom and she will be writing against spanking. Please take a minute or two and go visit Mayberry Mom and read her side of this debate and while you're at it, leave a comment and say hello, Mayberry Mom!

I'll say it right up front: I am pro spanking. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about since I have no children but if I did I would have no problem spanking their little arses when it was merited.

I could give the easy reasons and say my parents spanked me and I turned out alright, my parents were spanked and they turned out alright and my friends who are parents and spank their kids have kids who have turned out alright but who wants to go easy into the night.

If I may be bold for a moment. I own a MUD and I Imp on Waterdeep, which is a large MUD. I spend more time around some of your kids than you do. I know them better than you do and in quite a few cases (unfortunately) I talk to your own kids more than you do. They're mostly older kids and I wouldn't recommend trying to spank a 16 year old but perhaps if they had been spanked as younger kids they wouldn't have some of the attitude they have now.

I don't think a parent should even spank a kid in public, that's where I draw the line. I've seen kids misbehave in a store and the mother whacks them in the middle of the store, to the horrified gasps of bleeding hearts all around, and that's not cool. Save the spanking for home.

We didn't do 'time outs' when I was a kid, I would have rebelled hard at being put in a 'quiet place' for a 'time out.' It seems soft. I know it would not have diverted me from doing some of the things I got spanked for (like wetting my finger and touching a live light socket to see if it hurt). Spanking can be preventive medicine. My friend's daughter wandered away from her in a Macy's a while back, my poor friend was one hair away from complete meltdown before a store security guard returned said child. Thing was, it wasn't the first time. The first time she was talked to and put in the 'time out' zone when they returned but hey, it's a KID we're talking about here and that stayed in her mind probably only until she was freed. The second time it happened the kid received a spanking when they got home.

It wasn't done with heated anger, my friend calmly explained to her daughter why she was being spanked and how bad it was to wander away. A few not-hard-at-all whacks with her hand and it was over. The kid cried, the kid yelled, the kid went to sleep and got up the next day with a big kiss for mommy and to this day had never wandered off in a store again.

They say it damages the esteem, the psyche. I say that's a load of crap. We're so concerned about not inflicting any damage on the child's psyche we send them to school to make paper turkeys and compete in sports or events where everyone wins and gets a prize, no one is better than anyone else! What the...... Instead of kids having to face the fact that being a tween/teen is a rough time we dope them on anything the Dr. offers and send them off on their zombie way. We can't spank the little darlings, we might cause traumatic damage to their minds 10 years from now!

I was only spanked for things that could have evolved into really bad habits. I stole a pack of gum when I was 8, I was spanked and never even thought about it again. My friend and I emptied two full cases of Prell shampoo (the old really thick stuff in the squeeze tube) into her bathtub. We then turned the water on full blast and proceeded to flood the room. We were both spanked for that. The first time I learned the F word and walked up to my mother and said "mommy.... fuck you.." I was spanked (although I swear my father was giggling the whole time). No, it did not hurt my esteem or my psyche and my parents were always and still are my best friends.

I see some of these kids when I'm out and I want to go over and spank the parents. They sit there and ignore absolutely atrocious behaviour by their little brats. These kids could do well with a spanking.

Yes, it's harsh (or it can be). Yes, it's unpleasant. Yes, it probably hurts the parent more than the kid. Yes, it is a diversion. Yes, it can prevent the same behaviour from repeating. Yes, sometimes life is tough even for kids.

I understand the risk of spanking on the parental side. It should never be done in the heat of the moment and the child has GOT to understand why they are receiving the spanking. It also doesn't have to be hard to get the point across.

I thought I was slick when I knew a spanking was coming. I would take one of the small couch pillows and stick it in my pants. I truly believed my father couldn't see that it was there and 99% of the time he pretended he didn't see it and spanked the pillow. All that mattered to me was daddy was mad and I did something really bad. It was the act of being spanked that got to me more than the spanking, the act that made me change whatever it was that got me in trouble in the first place. When he was done they would both sit down with me and make sure I understood what I had done and that it didn't lessen their love for me any. I've also been told I have a healthy self esteem (insert smirk here).

I'm not advocating beating the crap out of your kid because he or she is mouthing off. I am advocating firm discipline and a firm hand when it is merited. There is only so much of an impression a 'time out' makes. We've raised generation after generation without 'time outs' and worrying every move is going to make little Johnny grow up emo and damaged, when did we become such a soft and coddling people?

I can't help it, I believe in spanking children when children deserve to be spanked. I've seen the end-results of spanking a million times over and I do not believe it causes harm or trauma. I believe it is the best of the deterrents when mixed with explanation. I believe children are growing up soft and ill-prepared for life as adults. I believe it's possible to be firm and loving at the same time. I believe in discipline.

I'd love to hear from any parents who read this. Do you spank? Why or why not?

Now it's off to read what Mayberry Mom has to say about why parents shouldn't spank their children. Come with me!

1. I’m pro spanking too.

   I got spanked.  I don’t remember it ever HURTING though.  But I knew it COULD hurt...therefor I tried not to do anything bad enough to warrant a spaking.

   I lived in fear of my grannys bedroom shoe.  How bad can a soft and fluffy bedroom slipper weilded by a wheelchair bound 80+ year old granny hurt?  Not very bad..but still...I didn’t want to be spanked.

   I WILL spank my children if they need it (assuming my husband will ever be “ready” to give me said children).  I’m not even beyond the quick tush pop in public.  ESPICALLY if there is whining involved.  I can’t STAND a whiny kid.  (unless they are sick...then I can overlook it.)

   YummY!  on  11/01  at  12:46 AM

2. Good points WK--I think you made a good argument and I can especially appreciate your thoughts on explaining the spanking.

   mayberry  on  11/01  at  09:29 AM

3. Somehow my comment went to the wrong post.  So here is my comment-

   I couldn’t disagree more.  I am incredibley anti-spanking.  First of all, I work in child abuse and I have seen spanking go wrong.  Second of all, we teach children not to hit and then we hit them.  It makes no sense.

   jodi  on  11/01  at  11:03 AM

4. I have several problems with spanking. In the first case, the only time I’d be able to spank my children is when I’m too angry to safely do so. Second, I agree with Jodi - we tell them not to hit and then we hit them? What kind of message is that?

   jerseygirl89  on  11/01  at  01:16 PM

5. I have to disagree with you.  My dad was “disciplined” with belts and he just recalls terror with his parents (and eventually other family members because his father died and mom could raise the children).  Just a look from him would put me in my place.

   Which isn’t the case with my kids.  But as has been said before if I hit them to make a point how can I expect them not to hit as well?  I don’t want my kids pummeling each other.  So instead I threaten, and sometimes do, take away something important.  Like tonight’s Halloween candy was thrown out because someone was rude.  Now THAT got his attention.

   Soccer Mom in Denial  on  11/01  at  08:01 PM

6. My favorite spanking story (or not) is when our ‘family friends’ came over, and their son hit my son, or bit him, or was it push him or punch him?  My point is that this highly aggressive kid has done all that and more to my son… and you know what the punishment was?

   Wam. “DON’T HIT BC” WAM “YOU NEVER HIT” “WAM.”

   Oh the irony. 

   I’ve spanked my son 3-5 times in his life, and my daughter never.  All when he was only 2 years old.  I truly believe that I did it out of anger, not discipline, and I taught him nothing except that when you are mad you hit.

   Hopefully we can realize that we know more about the development of children than our parents generation and as a result, we’ll do better by them.

   Smiling Mom  on  11/01  at  10:50 PM

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