WebKittyn Warbles
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes
Everything in my world is changing.
Not because of anything I'm doing or have done and not particularly good or bad but everything in my world seems to be changing and I feel like a mere spectator in my own show. Maybe it's the end of the year, maybe the Lady Fate has decided I needed a 'cool change,' I don't know. I just watch the waves swell in and evaluate later.
[original paragraph removed because I realised I was wrong in my observations about the person this paragraph was originally written about]
I've noticed changes in people, the people I deal with. Some sadden me as chasms begin to grow. One particular friend comes to mind, it saddens me that he and I haven't spoke in almost a month but he's changed. I don't deal well with dishonesty and I was presented with dishonesty in regards to a person is his life. I've never made any bones that this is a person I truly despise, a person in a league of their own in my book. I'm pretty up-front, if I don't like a person they know it. When I'm told a bunch of things and then see actions that tell a completely different story, I begin to doubt the integrity of the person. It's a friendship I miss dearly but sometimes the people we surround ourselves with really do define how others see us. I've tried, my disgust and disdain for this person only grows. So I guess this is a three-pronged change...
My feelings on the muds change, too. My own game has been a source of pleasure lately, the holiday spirit is in full swing and for the most part with a few small exceptions the mojo has been good. For a while there the mud had lost its appeal and its lustre for me, coming on was more of a chore than a labour of love. This has changed recently with the holiday feel and some awesome code. It's hard to see such effort being put into something and not get caught up in the good feel.
The other mud has me worried and confused. One I once looked up to as one of the best quality staffers I have ever seen has become a spiteful immature drama monger and it saddens me. I feel for the owner of said game, I try to help as best I can but the morale thing is something foreign to me. One thing about my world, we have a rare and genuine kinship amongst the staff and I could never imagine any of mine doing to me what this guy is getting. This is not a positive change.
I see cruelty in one person I never saw before and it scares me. To be cruel as a means of getting what one wants is a form of manipulation that I've never caved to before yet I was so taken aback by the level of the cruelty I became meek. Yuk. I've seen kindness and strength from one I never knew had such a strong interior. I've seen random nastiness from one I've never been anything but kind to. I've seen brilliant humour from one I've often thought of as somewhat simple. It's all come together to make me realise that even the most skilled of people readers can still be surprised.
And there have been changes in myself as well. I'm not sure I could pinpoint what they are but there's a shift in my current these days. I'm at this flux in my life where the new year approaches quickly and with it a need for a new overall outlook. A lot of things about myself and my life that I do have the power to change that need to be changed. Only thing I know for certain right now is that I am very much in my own place figuring myself out.
Christ does that sound hokey or what? I've always hated buzz phrases like 'find yourself' and the likes. Blehhh. I don't need to find myself, I haven't gone missing. I just need to recapture some aspects of my character I've laid aside for others or just to make life easier. Nothing major but enough small things begin to add up.
Ch-ch-ch-changes, turn and face the change...
With all of the uncertainty one thing I do know is that this is my life, this is it for this time around. It's up to me to spend it how it should be spent.
What hasn't changed or will never change? My tendency to prattle on too long.
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The only constant is change, better or worse, things change, people change, circumstances change, sometimes its hard, sometimes its easy, sometimes it just is…
Tree on 12/05 at 09:08 PM
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