Thursday, July 13, 2006

Detachable Ears

It's cloudy out there but I don't think we're going to get another tor-na-do today.

I learned something the other day. I learned ears do not come off of the head. What the Hecate am I talking about?

People. You know them. The ones who love to talk and talk and talk but the minute it comes to listening they're out the door. The ones who are so full of themselves they have no problem talking your ear off about every aspect of their life from what they ate for breakfast to the IRS auditing them but Goddess forbid you need them to shut up and listen.

I have a friend who has a friend. My friend is a great listener and he's also gifted with a fine sense of intuition. His advice is usually sound and many people seek him out to talk. He's got a friend who has a lot of issues. She's never quite happy unless there is some sort of crisis in her life or someone plotting against her and she loves to talk about it. Yap yap yap, she thinks nothing of spending an entire night lamenting her hooey.

My friend was in a rare funk and needed a friend to talk to. He found this one and attempted to speak of what was on his mind. She didn't want to hear it. She was too 'frayed' by her own hooey she blew him off. She reads his blog so she has some idea but she's too wrapped up in herself to be a friend, to be the friend she owes it to him to be.

That irks me. I asked her if her ears came off. When she gave me that blank stare I just shook my head and wandered away. What is it with people? What gives someone the right to unload on another person whenever it's convenient and then not return the courtesy. Don't answer that, I know the answers. I've always said it, plainly and to the point - if you can't listen, do not talk.

I can relate in a big way, I have people like that in my life. We all do. On and on and on they go because in their mind their situation is critical or important but they can't be bothered to listen. A plethora of excuses when the reality is they're just too damn selfish to listen.

Emotional tampons, that's what Darkstar calls them. A tad crass but not entirely off the mark. Maybe these people have discovered the secret to removing their ears so they can't hear but I have yet to see that. Just like 'love,' people throw the word 'friend' around way too easily. Friends listen, they don't just talk. Friends aren't self-absorbed and so wrapped up in only their own hooey they can't be bothered with anyone else's hooey.

I know what you're thinking. Damn Kittyn, I'm glad I'm not your friend, you have high expectations. I suppose I do but in all fairness I only expect what I give. As does my friend, he's not wrong in thinking that his being there for this chick every time she had a 'crisis' entitled him to believe he would have a pair of ears when he needed them. I understand people can't drop what they're doing and go running, that's not what I'm saying. He waited a long time for her to show some interest but it never came. Even my wonderful friend doesn't always feel like listening but he does because that's just what friends do.

It made me think and I want to thank anyone reading this who has ever put some of their time aside to listen to me. I can be hard to read at times and nothing means more to me than when someone who knows me feels the mood and wants to listen. Thank you.

To my friend I say remember the motto. If you can't listen, don't talk.

1. As Igor Stravinsky said . . .

   To listen is an effort, and just to hear is no merit. A duck hears also.

    on  07/13  at  10:59 PM
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