WebKittyn Warbles
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Easy Sex?
I learned at an early age that sex was easy. If sex alone was the objective, all it took was the right clothing, the right flirtatious toss of the hair and body motions and you've got yourself a willing partner for the night. Anyone can get simple sex, it's as easy as walking in the door of the local bar.
Me, I've never liked what came easy. And I have problems with meaningless sex, it seems somewhat pointless to me. If it doesn't mean anything, why bother? Because it feels good? So do many other things. For me there has to be more, there has to be a meeting of the minds and emotional ties. The act of sex itself is an animal one, an instinctual thing inside us. The meeting of the minds elevates the act.
I recently watched a friend go through a bad situation that still has her somewhat bummed. She was involved in something, I can't call it a conventional relationship in this internet age but it was definitely something. I won't go into detail but it was at times intense and there was sex involved.
My friend is an intellectual being, a spiritual and emotional being. To her, the sexual part of it was an extra. It was his mind she craved, his mind and his heart that were crucial to her, his body came later. Yet while she was waiting patiently for him to share a bit of his soul, he wanted only to engage in the physical at every possible opportunity. He deliberately denied her any of what she needed and eventually at the end told her she wanted too much from him and he couldn't give.
Too much? To share a bit of the heart and the soul, the mind and the spirit? To let a person know they are more than just some sexual fantasy come to life, some undercover angel? I remember my friend crying, being truly hurt at being made to feel so ... common. She had never before been made to feel as if she was there for nothing but use as a human sex aid and it impacted her deeply. I tried explaining that it wasn't her, that that's not how real relationships based on mutual emotions work. I told her that it was him, not her. That he was unable to unlock the doors that led into his emotions and that it was HIS problem and not hers. There's an internet full of easy women looking for cyber partners, something based on emotion is not about sex.
Something that is real will endure with or without the sex. Ok, there are a million men who would tell me I'm crazy but I really believe that. Someone who walks away and makes excuses for it because the sex has stopped is not someone whose heart was ever sincere. I told her this, I did my best to explain it in my best warbling fashion. This wasn't love, he never loved her. To love is to yearn, to want desperately and to want to share of yourself. Love without sharing of the self is selfish and needy, love that makes demands is the same.
I'm not sure I got through to her but I tried. It's been a bit of time now and while she's not healed, she's improving. She really believed in him, it's going to take her a while to get it out of her heart and her emotions she had no problem sharing. But I have faith, she'll be fine in the end.
As for me, I believe even stronger now in what I said at the start of this. Sex is easy and making a person feel they are only an object of lust is insulting. I always used to tell dumbasses who would try and come on to me to 'make love to my mind first and then worry about my body.'
Emotion is erotic. The sharing of emotions that come from deep inside is every bit as powerful as an orgasm. Whether it be the fear of sharing such emotion or the joy of hearing emotion returned, it's powerful mojo. That's what it's all about and so many people miss that simple point in favour of acting on instinct. There is nothing in the world like the sharing of emotions and the coming together of two like minds and THEN supplementing this with the sex. That's the level to strive for, that's the way it should be.
Easy emotionless sex? I'd rather blog.
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I’d rather blog too, but then I’m a 42 year old guy ;^)
robin on 08/26 at 04:19 PM -
Hey, 42 is the prime of life for men. I’ve always thought men were at their best from 40 to 50.
on 08/26 at 04:26 PM -
I wholeheartedly agree. I’m more of a guy who’d rather sit in a diner or a bar or anywhere for that matter and just chat for hours opposed to a 20 minute romp in the hay. I find intellectual discourse, or even inane blather (you’d be surprised at how revealing just inane blather is.)
Sex has always been secondary, nay… even tertiary for me. It’s not for lack of libido either, just that… well, I value other things far more.
on 08/26 at 08:28 PM -
Sex is not the enemy, sex is your friend, its a means of communication to a higher degree. You can get to know alot about someone when you’re locked in a sweaty and intimate hold. Sex never goes wrong, unless it does of course and then it usually requires a trip to the hospital, a shot of penacilan and a guest appearance on Jerry Springer. Sex is not a problem, the problem usually, at least as far as I’ve come to know it, is communication. When things go wrong its not because someone is hot and lusty, its because the communication is lost, which then in turn leads to misconceptions and laying blame where there is the most room for it to be placed.
on 08/27 at 11:55 PM -
I don’t think sex is the problem either, that’s not what I meant or at least not what I intended to mean. You’re right on the communication, I know in my friend’s case she desperately needed the deeper level of communication that was completely denied her and it hurt her and made her withdraw from the sex, I suppose it’s cause and affect.. He made her feel like that was all she was worth and when she wasn’t feeling like it or just wasn’t into it, it was like he found reasons to stop caring.
But sex itself is not a problem. I just think it should have some emotional attachment to it!
WebKittyn on 08/28 at 12:03 AM
<-- Steal me!
