Monday, September 01, 2008

Experimenting with Kidneys

I made it through week one.

My levels, as the kidney man put it, "are not great but not bad. They're exactly the same as when you were on dialysis."

Not the best but enough to keep me off the filters for another week.

I have this sneaking suspicion at the end of the 8 weeks he's going to tell me it's not bad enough to need the dialysis for now but not good enough to hold me in the future. My gut voice is telling me he's going to say transplant.

I'm going to try something new for the month of September. With the exception of my weekly McDonald's I'm going healthy for a full month. Yogurt, cottage cheese, salad, everything I don't eat now that I should. Nightly walking whether the catheter in my chest hurts or not.

I asked him if there was anything I could do or eat to help and he said no but getting in better shape can't do anything but good. Nothing fits me anymore with the weight dropping off (the puke fountain has its advantages I suppose) so it's time to work on toning.

People keep telling me I look good but I don't see it. I look in the mirror and I see sick kidneys and dead eyes.

The leaves are starting to turn outside in the front, I survived another horrid summer. I have reverse seasonal issues, I hate the summer so much. I get moody and sad and cranky and I hate it. I keep waiting for that first cool crisp night when I come back to life.

Friday I go back to the kidney man and I plan to ask about getting this stupid catheter out of my chest. If need be they can put another one in or I can grow up and let them needle the graft, it's time for this thing to go. I'm tired of my jugular vein sticking out, I'm tired of itching and hurting 24/7, I'm tired of feeling like a freak of nature with tubes coming out of my chest. I don't think I've ever hated anything in life as much as this catheter.

Blood test number 2 is Thursday, I've been eating like a pig over the weekend. It's tuna and yogurt for the next two days.

Day by day, it's all day by day. Amazing how much my attitude has changed. I haven't given up planning for the future but it's not priority anymore. It's all about right now. If I had died on the den floor that day what the hell would I have to show for myself? A bunch of incomplete plans for the future I never got? No thanks.

And so begins the month without any junk food.

1. YOU NEED A WHOLE DAY AT A DAYSPA .. just spoil yourself! Do it .. trust me.. you will thank me for the idea

    on  09/03  at  10:21 PM
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