WebKittyn Warbles
Thursday, May 12, 2005
I’m Tired
I should have remembered that for every loss there is a gain. I've glumly accepted the fact one friendship I have loved and come to depend on in the past few years will never be what it was. I tried, I really did. I tried as hard as I could but it didn't seem to matter at all to the other party so there's not a thing I can do about it.
But instead of crying over what was, I should have kept faith that for every loss I suffer, there is a gain. No friendships on the same level of closeness I once felt with this other person but definitely some old doors re-opened and some new doors I might want to wander through. I really did try but I'm not a chaser. I don't chase people down and I tried to deal with it with my friend and got a limited sort of reply. Ok, so I get the hint.
Doesn't mean I'm not scarred. I'm definitely not going to let people past the gates easily anymore. Best to keep a distance and keep the gates locked lest anyone else get in who's going to tear me in pieces a year or so later.
I've given up trying to talk to my once-friend as well, it gets me nowhere and I get silence for my effort. Ok, hint received and I'll move on now.
I feel a bit sad for anyone new who tries to get close now, it's just become a much harder task than it was. I'm tired of giving a shit, it gets me silence and kicked in the head.
I am a rock. I am an island.
And there are only a very few people allowed on the island, the Kimono dragons will eat anyone else who tries.
Unfortunately, at the moment the closest person to me and where I am now is in Gooberville playing poker for coffee. But it's good to see Scott back around and since the Seal is home, I can feel secure again.
If anything, from this all I've learned how crucial friendships are. The real ones, the lasting ones. I've always put a strong emphasis on friends over anything else except my parents, hell I dumped my most serious relationship because he couldn't stop with the use of the word 'nigger.' I just need to surround myself with people who feel the same way I do about friendships, people who actually care and can say so. I don't consider this a flaw, I need to know friendship matters, I need to know I matter and I've been shown I don't so ok. I have to refine my associations and stick to like-minded emotionalists who understand the true and lasting value of a friendship.
*mutters* Stupid life lessons, they never end, do they.
I'm tired.
<-- Steal me!
