WebKittyn Warbles
Thursday, October 30, 2008
New Year’s 2009
My new year doesn't start on January 1st this year. Last January 1st I was well into my unknown kidney decline and they had written my dad off already. This year my new year starts in November, the 27th to be exact. That was the day they rushed my dad to the hospital and the day it all started.
I've come a long way in a year. From a hair away from dead with a week I still can't remember to being off dialysis with the catheter removed. In the six months since I've been out of the hospital I've defied the odds and worked really hard to get to where I am.
Yet it's not enough. I get angry at myself for not having done more. I know it's not rational and I know it's just frustration but I get really pissed at myself for not having a car yet, for not having the lawsuit closer yet, for not being able to get through a day without throwing up, for feeling so weak and tired even though it's not my fault. Seems I have next to no iron in my body and I don't generate red blood cells or something like that. They're talking possible monthly transfusions which really isn't a big deal but it's a reminder that I'm not okay. Hell, I'll probably never be okay.
I'm okay enough to go to Everest Base Camp though. I've looked into it and a dude even summited with one kidney so that's one thing the kidneys didn't ruin for me.
It's become really important to me to re-connect with certain people from my past. Not to re-live the past, I kind of like the present. I've just had a lot of time to think and I've been really lucky with the people in my life and there are some I should have worked harder to not lose touch with. I want to find these people and keep in touch even if it's only the occasional email or whatever.
It's almost like coming out of a two year sleep. I wasted year one acting like a drama mama and getting into some stupid shit I should have avoided and ended up not liking what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Then I spend year two pretty much on my ass near dead. I've come to understand so much even though there's still a world of confusion out there.
I need to work on being patient with myself and my many imperfections, I need to keep my kidneys at their 20%, I need to tone up for Everest. All in my new year, my 2009 that begins in November.
The people I search I shall now list, Google does powerful things.
Dr. Frank B. McCluskey, formerly of Mercy College.
Rod. Ravennacht. Navarre. Zane. Pigeon.
John Blaise Gomez, Gogomezgo.
Vinny Alleva
Moises Irizarry, purple puppy, mo
I also need to start writing more. It really does help me sort it all out.
Happy early new year, kiddo.
<-- Steal me!
