WebKittyn Warbles
Sunday, February 20, 2005
Ode to Justin…
I want to say for the record that I miss him. It's rare to make a connection with someone that strong and at the same time so pure. The jealousies need never have been there, it was never that sort of a bond.
I'm difficult to reach, difficult to access. I'm a solitary person by nature and it's difficult for me to broaden my scope to allow for other people. I'm not selfish by any means, I go above and beyond for those I care for but I'm sort of shrouded in myself. I'll spit out anecdotes and stories but I don't really talk much of myself. Sometimes it surprises me, a person I've known for 3-4 years will tell me they still don't know me after all this time. I guess I keep people at bay.
Every once in a dancing moon a person enters into your sphere who bypasses all shields and security and just settles in. No romance, no emotion, no sex, no lust, no hidden motives or agendas. Just someone who is a natural friend, someone who understands what you're thinking and genuinely cares.
This is what I share with Justin, it's not just a friendship but it is happily living in the platonic sphere. So much has been shared, so many words never to be betrayed or shared or spoken to with others. How many times were smiles delivered exactly when they were needed and without being asked for. Knowing from sentence two that something is wrong and genuinely caring what it is. A truly pure and objective voice for reason and affirmation.
I missed him the first time he was gone, it took me some time to find out where he was and I took it hard. You really don't know how close someone has gotten until they aren't there and instead of closeness there is silence.
Now he's gone again and a return date is something the Fates choose not to share. I worry about him and hope he's doing alright and I send all the good juju his way I can channel. I want to have this here so whenever he does get back he'll know how much of an impact having him for a friend has had on me.
A true and lasting friendship is a rare thing, as much as I loathe the Gotard, it's 21 years he's been my best friend and that's a long goddamn time. Those sorts of friends really are gifts from the Gods.
It's a tough thing to do to stand up and face the past when it involves trouble. I have respect for his facing up to things and he doesn't see it now but he isn't his past and he has a long time ahead of him when it's over to do and be all we've spoken of. Get through this, survive this, look ahead.
I know she doesn't read the blathers but I'll thank her nonetheless. She didn't have to have me filled in on what was what, she did that simply because she knew I would want to know. I really appreciate that, I can imagine how crappy this all has to be for her and I feel for her. Not pity, empathy. Thank you for thinking of me, it was appreciated.
Justin, wherever you are I hope you're warm and safe and staying strong. I hope you know you have people who accept, forgive, care and suspend judgment. I hope you know your friend in me will always be there for you, be it a day a week or years.
This is my friend.
I miss him.
<-- Steal me!
