Friday, February 04, 2011

Off to the Kidney Specialist I Finally Go

So tomorrow is the day I've been putting off for oh, the past year. The big appointment with the kidney doctor. Not just any kidney doctor, it's back up to Albany Med to meet with one of the doctors who treated me when I did my eight weeks there. She was the one who insisted on the blood tests that caught the bad blood infection I had so I know I'm in both good hands and thorough hands. Needless to say I'm terrified and right now freaking out because I was supposed to be on the phone with Darkstar for a pep talk but he's MIA which doesn't help. Wake up, asshole.

I don't think I'm in bad bad bad shape. I don't expect to hear I have to go back on dialysis yet but I know there's a lot that isn't right that I've been avoiding dealing with. On one hand it will be good to finally know what's up but it's dam scary confronting it. How much damage to my guts has two years of almost daily throwing up done?

I really wish I had my Dad. He'd know what to say to make me laugh and I'd just feel better if he was going to be there with me. I haven't been back to AMC since my eight weeks when I didn't get to see him once as he was dealing with his own problems. Brings back a lot of emotions and memories and things I haven't thought about. Damn you for sleeping, Darkstar. I really needed to talk tonight, you knew this.

I'm half expecting to be kept for tests, I need like every test in the book and some of them are time-extensive. I'm packing an overnight back just in case although I'd much rather go back up and have some time to mentally prep. I could easily be told I'm worse than I think and it's time to talk transplant. I'd like to be ready so if I can get out of staying tomorrow, I will. I'll go back though, it's time to know. Whether I want to know or not, it's time to know. It can't go on like this anymore, I can't go on like this anymore.

I should be sleeping, I have to get up at 7 if I do sleep to be there by 11. Must make sure there's ample time for the morning barf. Blurg.

So wish me luck tomorrow and think of me in the early afternoon and hopefully I'll be back here tomorrow night feeling a little less worried about the state of the kidneys.

I'm actually going through with it. Go, me. Rah rah rah.

oy.

1. I lit a blue candle for you. It brings healing.

   I hope they find that you’re actually way healthier than you think. Maybe it’s just a matter of diet. Like maybe the kidney issue aggravated an unknown food allergy or something.

   You should be proud to take this trip. It’s courageous to accept that things aren’t right and need to be fixed. You can do this. You are a strong woman. You are your own best advocate. You know what’s going on in your body and spirit better than anyone, including doctors. If you don’t feel right, you’re probably more in tune than you think.

   You can do this. I can’t stress that enough. Even if you do have to spend some time there, the eventual outcome will be worth the trouble and effort. I have faith in you. I’m sending you healing energy and asking Athena to grant you clear wisdom dealing with this journey.

   Mare Martell Stotler  on  02/04  at  02:11 PM

2. Kidney diseases should not be ignored. I think you have shared really a very useful ideas through your posts.Best of luck to you.

   Breast Enlargement  on  02/24  at  05:13 AM

3. To my view kidney diseases seems very critical. So you should give proper care to it. I hope you will recover soon. All the best.

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    on  04/11  at  11:15 PM
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