Sunday, June 26, 2005

One Big Bird to Mankind.

Now there's one thing in this screwed up world that makes me twitch more than other stuff. People who say they're going to do something and don't. People who commit to something, offer something or say don't worry and then don't come through. Hell with that.

Yesterday alone I had three people fall short of things they said they would do. Woke up to the same thing. Nice way to ruin a day in the first 10 minutes.

I may not be all that grand but dammit, when I give my world on something or commit or tell someone they don't have to worry about something then I'm damn well going to make SURE it goes through for them. No matter what, short of natural disaster. You don't let someone think they can count on you and then fuck them over, it's simply not done.

Maybe it's time I changed. Maybe it's time the same people who think nothing of letting me down got the same treatment. Hell with turn the other cheek, maybe it's time to turn a bird and do the same empty promise stuff. Trussssssssssssssssst me! I just hate that, I really hate that. The world is full of people who say trust me and then screw people, I really thoughI had surrounded myself with people that didn't do that. But I didn't. I've surrounded myself with people who won't think beyond their own world, people who think they can take other people's stuff and do whatever they want with it and people who say trust me, I'm good for this and then turn around when it's too late and say oh no I can't.

Maybe it's time for a clean break from it all. Leave the mud up but just not be there. Take the people who can't think past their own worlds and let them live alone in their worlds. Stop offering gestures of good faith to people who take advantage and make their own rules with your stuff. Stop trusting people who don't come through on the spoken word. Gather my crap and go upstate, let the mud run itself and go live in Woodstock for a month.. Maybe I could sell some crap and do a month long retreat at Mt. Tremper, who knows.

I'm tired of being there for people who can't be there for me, I'm tired of giving my gestures to people who take them and do what they want with them without a call, I'm tired of letting myself believe in people who then turn around and say sorry.

Sounds like a whine-fest but it's not. It's my fault for putting my trust into the wrong people. It's my choice to believe in false prophets and takers. So we need to re-align the thoughts. It's my fault for caring deeply about people who refuse to look past their own circumstance. It's my fault for believing in people who say one thing and do another.

I would, however, like to say that the Seal and the Emu are the two exceptions to this. It is only because I know these two men that I still have ANY confidence in anything with a penis. I'd like to extend a deep personal thank you to the two of you for believing in an ancient custom called honour and for caring enough to ask how are you even when your own chaos is going on and for keeping your world like it was the Holy Grail.

As for me, I think I'm going to walk away from this evil machine and hit some Shining Force until Hank Hill fires up the grill. Then I'll go glom some free food and conversation. The day was shot inside the first hour so it's a write-off but we'll see what Shining Force can do.

Other than that, screw it.