WebKittyn Warbles
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Out of Touch
Whoa, there was only one entry on the page. Who is this blogger and what have you done with WebKittyn?
WebKittyn has been somewhat out of touch lately. It's been a reclusive two weeks and looks like it's going to go on for a while. I need more time, I need about 5 more hours in the day to get it all done. I'm drowning without complaining but it's not leaving me much time for warbling and I miss that, I need that. So much going on that's so damn heavy, it's impossible to not get absorbed. Then there's that heaviness in the air that always comes on for Sept. 11th and Christmas. Gahh.
Warning, long warbling prattle about life, people and other stuff inside.
Shitten the kitten is getting large, I have a feeling he's going to be quite the beastie when he's done growing. I have some more pictures I took of him and Claude in a rare moment of peace, I need to post those tomorrow. Templeton and Claude, it sounds like a 50-something gay Greenwich Village couple..
I've been seeing a former friend around more lately. I would have thought by now I'd be past the sting part but it's still there. Sucks when you open up to someone and invest of yourself in someone and believe and then they turn around and do every thing they spent time reassuring you they would never do. Did it feel good to screw me like that, I wonder. He was the last person I would have expected it from and someone I shared way too much with. I doubt he's happy, his own life has devolved into everything he didn't want it to and everything he was afraid was there for him but that doesn't give me any pleasure. It's sad, the whole thing is sad. How did I so completely misread this one? Was he always this cold and I that easy to discard?
Oddly enough, I seem to have finally gotten off my ass and gotten to work on the sites. Took a lot to get the warbles to where they are now and then I jumped right into the book store. It turned out amazing (thanks to Kel) and I managed to get 101 books on there before I 'gave' it to my parents. Something I've been putting off for close to 2 years and it's done. Of course 101 books is only the start. I found out tonight my mother is going to advertise in the NY Times, that's big bucks. I'd like to see 500 on there before she plunks a few hundred down on advertising. It's cool as hell to see though, that's a nice commission rate for li'l ole me.
All of a sudden the determination to finish the sites has overwhelmed me. I can't explain it, it's like this burn that can't be put out. I'm tired of having all these useless domains that should be doing things. It's like everything else in my life, started and not finished. It's not rocket science, it's a matter of sitting down and just getting it done. So it's tedious, so is sitting in an office 8 hours a day. I'm fortunate, I don't have to do this, but I've wasted so much time and time is the one thing we can't get back. It's an amazing feeling to have gotten the two done, I can only imagine the sense of accomplishment if the ones actually designed to make some money got done.
BlogsOfRoleplay is my baby, it's the place I've put the most work into and the 250 blogs (and growing) that live there must be proof of some sort of quality. But let's face it, BoRCom isn't paying any bills. BoRCom is the lunatic in me who needs to believe you can still get quality for free. I won't turn it into myspace or any place with banners and ads, it may never be huge but it works.
My social life is suffering. I truly suck at splitting my time, I'm either 100% or nothing and I know this. I know the people closest to me lose out (or maybe they gain, I guess it's a matter of perspective) when I get like this. It's so hard for me to break out of the trance once I get into it. The other day when I was putting the 101 books on it was like a flashback to my days of data entry. It's a mechanical routine. And when I'm doing site work it's a different sort of trance. I wish I was better at time management, I really do. This is why I want to live in a log home in Maine on a lake with no one around but cats and moose. I've wasted so much time it's like I feel guilty now if I stop for a few hours to socialise.
And then there's the air. This is normally a bad time of year for Piscean empath types. I still say you can see the towers of light over the river, Gotard says I'm imagining it but dammit, I see lights. I don't see dead people, I don't talk to dead people, I don't deliver messages from dead people. But I do feel the air this time of year, now and Christmas. It's a sadness, a thickness in the air and it's suffocating. If I go out by the river now it's enough to drive me back. I don't discuss it with many people, they tend to look at you strangely. Hello, my name is WebKittyn and I feel sadness in the air. The inner circle know what it is, they've gone through it with me every year. It's worse this year, a thousand times over. So much sadness, so much loss.
It pisses me off when people turn away from the healing to play the blame game. Hell yes, there were huge mistakes made in how this was handled initially and this has to be addressed honestly. The racial issues can't be ignored if this country is ever going to get anywhere. This is not the time to do it though. It makes me crazy to hear it, stop pontificating and get off your ass and go build a house with Habitat for Humanity.
Bleh, this warble isn't even coming out right. I'm trying to cram too much warble into one entry. Like I said in the beginning, my head is firmly up my ass right now.
For now, I'm going to load the pipe and take a few deep hits and go back to cursing at go daddy for their quick 5 minute setup that is now in day 2.
Huzzah.
<-- Steal me!
