Friday, November 30, 2007

Paging Dr. Gregory House, Paging Dr. House

If I could bring one television character to life right now it would be, hand down, Dr. House. Maybe he could find out what the hell is going on.

They did more tests. They stuck a tube with a camera into the tube and went looking around in his chest. They gave him some sort of dye test as well. They were looking for blood clots around the lungs. They found nothing.

All his vitals are good. All of his organs are working. Even the lungs that they had originally suspected had shut down were pretty much alright. One side of his diaphragm is paralysed but that's been that way since the stroke. No fever, no pneumonia, no nothing.

But he simply cannot breathe on his own. They brought him out of the sedation (I hate using the word coma) before they did the dye test and he was moderately alert, as alert as anyone is going to be after being put out for 4 days) and he talked to them but his oxygen level dropped immediately. He's on 100% oxygen from the respirator but his body oxygen level is only 95 and with the respirator it should be perfect.

He simply cannot breathe on his own and they have no idea what's causing it. They started him on two new antibiotics and put him back on the respirator. This is the 2nd day he's been getting nutrients through the feeding tube (they didn't give him anything the first two days, he had so much water in him they wanted it out before they put more in). He just cannot breathe on his own.

I don't know what to think or feel. Part of me feels relief and hope that there were no blood clots. Part of me feels relief that his lungs are not shut down and the rest of his vitals and organs are working. But then there's the terrified side that doesn't want me to hold on to hope, the side that can't get past they're not knowing. The side of me that keeps obsessing on yesterday's discussions of long term coma care and whether or not my mother would take him off the respirator.

Uncertainty sucks. If you know what it is, even if it's bad, you can accept it slowly and come to terms with it. Not knowing is killing my mother and I. Major medical problems don't happen without a cause, people don't just stop being able to breathe without a reason.

A bunch of Christmas presents came today that I had ordered for him, I cried for an hour straight after taking in the boxes. Why don't they know? Why the hell can't they diagnose this, doctors and specialists are supposed to be able to find answers.

Isn't the holiday season supposed to be the time of joy and miracles? How about finding out why my dad can't breathe, that would be a wonderful source of miraculous joy.

They need to find out what the hell is wrong with him. Fast.

1. Hey Hlyn,

   Keep hanging on. Remember, he’s still alive and not dead yet and that’s the thing you’ve gotta remember. There may never be an answer but the only thing you know for sure is if he’s alive. That’s really what’s important, right? Answers are nice but sometimes the wish for an answer distracts us from life itself and the people around us.

   That’s great that his vitals are stable. Once again, the feeding tube and respirator are scary to deal with - Mom was on one for about a month - but remember that it’s a flimsy piece of rubber that delivers nutrition, and best of all, it’s helping him live.

   I wish I had more to give you but send me an email if you need me.

   Bobby  on  11/30  at  07:23 PM

2. I remember watching my grandad suffer, never knowing.. wondering what I do to help. Uncertainty definitely sucks a lot, but you hanging in there helps them hang in there; even if you don’t realise it.

   So, hang in there Mail me if need be.

   SEV  on  12/02  at  04:28 AM
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