WebKittyn Warbles
Friday, January 25, 2008
Pre Surgery for Me
Tomorrow I am going to be cut open by pairs of hands I have never felt and putting the trust of my exposed lung in a man I have never said more than 5 words to. Tomorrow my life will literally hang in the hands of one surgeon and one anesthesiologist as he goes in under my breast enough to take enough to give the lung guy, kidney guy, heart guy and disease guy each a piece.
There will be something sticking out from my lung for 24 hours doing the breathing for the lung. There will be discomfort, pain, heavy levels of narcotics and then the agonisiingly scary wait for results
When I was a child my dad had his spleen out. He was all brave and crap until he went into surgery and in his Book of Motmom he kept with him, we found his fears gently written in words of love to his family = just in case.
These are mine = just in case.
My mother - You dont like to believe you are strong but you are the backbone of the family. I could never hope to be 1/11111 of the mother and wife you have been. You deserved better than I. I remember when you used to sing You Are my
Sunshine to me as a child. I remember every wonderful thing you ever did for me and if things go wrong. this is entirely on me. There isnt a person in the world who could want or hope for a better and more loving mother/
My father. - I know all so well how you would be right here with me if you werent fighting your own battle. I could see the uyworry in your eyes tonight and it gutted me as you were stuck in your own room.; My whole life you have been my teacher, sparring partner, rescuer from camp and I remember the hugs and choruses of daddys little girl. I've let you down so much, daddy. ALl Id ask is one last chance to make you proud but if I dont get it plesdr know you were always the man no other man ever came close to.
Dale - never in 24 years has there been a best friend like yourself. How much you have selflessly given and done while asking for so little. I have let you down in many ways as well and perhaps you have always been deserving of a better best friend. Ive never really told you how much respect I have for your brain, talent, skewed way of thinking and warm generous heart. I love you bud, sorry I wasnt a better Bunky.
Templeton my rat cat.. I promised you you would never know sadness and lonelinesss as a cat. You came ftom a beginning of fear and mistrust and hurt, I swore you would never know anything but happiness., If something happens, I SWEAR to you Grandma will give you that home. You savcd me when Claude died, I love you my Tempy.
Ishnael, I'm sorry you came around to late. You are w wonderful loving kitten I think grandma already loves and you will never know a day of sadness.
Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Irv, Great-Grandma Mary, Babara and Doris.. I guess I am also in your hands tomorrow. I hope youve found the peace to forgive me for the selfish and disgusting person I was in my teens. I wish I could show you each how much Ive learned over the years. I ask for your guidance coming through this so I may make my father proud at least one more time and show my mother that she is truly the greatest person in the world. I treated all of you with no respect and I wish I could have that time back now.
Claudie and Catsby, as much as I love you two I'm not ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge to Everest yet.
And now with much love, fear, guilt, regret, hope and pain I shall post this, these last words of mine for January 25th 2007.
before my body is invaded my hands and tools.
I love all of you so fucking much.
-
You’re in my thoughts and prayers, Kittyn!
Nicki on 01/25 at 11:26 AM -
Sweetie, I’ve called a couple times. Sometimes I can’t get through. SPoke to your mom, she said you’d call me let me know what is going on, but I know things more important then calling this chik. So just KNOW i am with you. Call me anytime even at 3:00am when you can’t sleep. I’ll be holding onto you hun.
Love you
cyli on 01/25 at 12:02 PM -
here’s a big virtual hug from a fellow dorkblogger. i read this in my feed reader earlier, but i’m glad cyli sent out the message for us to stop here and leave you notes of support.
be brave, be strong, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. we’re here for you. *HUG*
rachael on 01/25 at 12:12 PM -
I would be thinking about you. Be strong and you will make it through this.
Maxie on 01/25 at 12:17 PM -
Wandered over from dork bloggers. Good luck!!!!!
Jenn on 01/25 at 12:22 PM -
WebKittyn, know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of your fellow bloggers all around the world. You are part of a vast community that wishes you strength, courage, and healing.
John Riutta on 01/25 at 12:24 PM -
Hey, I’m from Dork Bloggers on Blog 365.. just wanted to wish you good luck and that I’m saying a prayer of healing for you.
Leslie on 01/25 at 12:31 PM -
Another dork blogger. You’ll be in my thoughts.
Sarie on 01/25 at 12:43 PM -
Wishing you all the best for a safe surgery and a speedy recovery. All the dorks over are Blog 365 are pulling for ya sweetie.
Jeanine on 01/25 at 12:45 PM -
I don’t know what to say. You’ve been an online friend of mine for longer than I’ve ever kept any real friends. Since the age of 14 or 15 you’ve always looked after me. Considering I’m 23 now thats making me feel more and more like a nerd, but you are good peoples reguardless of any past differences. I just want you to know that I’ve always appreciated the times you had been there for me. Letting me use your aol when I was just a kid getting kicked out of dads house. You’ve always been so helpful and supportive, I just want to let you know that I have you in my thoughts and I wish the best for you. I only wish I could do more. -Chris(moosecock)
on 01/25 at 01:54 PM -
Came over from Dork bloggers. I hope your surgery went well, and wanted to wish you a speedy recovery. Take care....
Sandy on 01/25 at 02:09 PM -
we love you Webkittyn
hang strong Girl - hang strong!!!!!!!!!!!!
cyli on 01/25 at 02:43 PM -
Came over from Blog365. Will be thinking about you today, and
wishing you a successful surgery and easy recovery. You sound like someone
who deserves that!!!
KatKatstuff on 01/25 at 02:53 PM -
I hope it all goes well and you’re back up and fighting fit soon.
Simon
(A fellow dorky type)Simon J. James on 01/25 at 03:57 PM -
oh webkittyn! my thoughts are with you today
blessings for a speedy recovery!
bringing dork love to you from Blog365!
twoluvcats on 01/25 at 05:15 PM -
webkittyn-
Sending you much dork blogger good wishes and support. Good luck with the surgery and the recovery.
Stay strong!
clickmom on 01/25 at 05:59 PM -
I’m wishing you all the luck in the world and your doctors all the skill in the world. I can’t even imagine how stressful this is for you and your family and I can only hope you’ll be back and in feisty good blogging spirits in no time at all.
rebecca on 01/25 at 06:50 PM -
Heather,
With all the love in my heart, I wish you better health, the use of your phenomenal inner strength, the power of your will, and peace as you heal. May Athena guide the wisdom of your doctors to do right by you, Hygiea to heal your quickly, Kwan Yin to show your family mercy. My prayers are often and strong. I believe in you. I look forward to speaking to you again soon.
With all my love,
MareP.s. Don’t worry about us, focus on healing your body.
Mare Martell Stotler on 01/25 at 07:59 PM -
Hi. Fellow dork blogger here. Sorry to hear about the hard time you are going through. Just wanted to sent you well wishes and a speedy recovery.
Ray on 01/25 at 08:20 PM -
I hope you will get better soon and continue to dork on! fellow blogger
dan on 01/25 at 11:01 PM -
Fellow Dork Blogger: You have my prayers. God Speed.
Sarcastic Mom on 01/25 at 11:33 PM -
Keep on keepin on.
Dave McAwesome on 01/26 at 01:57 AM -
Happy thoughts your way Kittyn. You’ll come though with flying colors I’m sure.
YummY! on 01/26 at 11:12 AM -
I’ll be thinking of you
Chad on 01/26 at 01:37 PM -
I hope surgery went well. Best wishes for a fast recovery.
Jennic on 01/26 at 03:32 PM
<-- Steal me!
