Thursday, January 18, 2007

Walking Away - No Drama 2007

It's a grand feeling when you discover things really are that easy.

I used to be able to turn my back and walk away from people, places and situations and never look back. It was cold, it was emotionless and it was final, when I decided something was bad enough I just made up my mind I was done and that was it. No looking back, no second guessing. I walked out of my closest relationship like that, I decided as I was driving home from Jerry's house that I was done, enough was enough. I told him the next night and although I cried, that was it. No calls the next day, no stalking or lurking or writing or calling. It was just ........... done. I did it with the bar I spent my entire 20's in and the people that for so many years I called friends. I've done it to more jobs than I care to mention and with the jobs the social circles that were made.

I know it sounds cold and I suppose it is cold but they were all situations that had become unhealthy or unhappy and sometimes it really is easier to make a total break than linger caught in the middle.

I stopped being able to do that a while back, I'm not sure when it happened but I lost the ability to stoic out and think like a Vulcan.

One of my bigger resolutions for 2007 was to cut the drama. Too much of last year was spent in a sphere of drama and horseshit that didn't do me any good. I hate myself when I turn into the drama-mama and I lose respect for myself when I let others drag me into the drama. Drama has a lure, let's face it. People enjoy the suffering of others whether they admit it or not. The world is full of excuse makers, blame shifters, people lacking in self worth, attention needy people, etc. There's no avoiding it unless you live in a cave and it's real easy to get sucked into. I spent too much of 2006 sucked into vortexes that weren't mine, that I didn't need to be in.

I decided for 2007 that I wanted to like me all the time again, not just 80% of the time. I decided the drama had to go and I had to pull myself away - as painful as it might be - from places, people and situations where there is unnecessary drama. I can do what I can do avoid the drama simply by walking away from it and not looking back.

It's turned out to be easier than I thought it would be so far, I'm rather proud of myself.

There are people I've desperately wanted to reach out to and have missed dearly. There are places I once felt I belonged that I was wrong about that I've walked away from. There are situations I've pulled myself of. There are conversations I've declined to have and questions I've declined to answer. For all the emotion I've felt or feel to all of them I came to terms with the fact that they were unhealthy. Drama is a drug, too much of it can rot the mind as much as any narcotic.

I had a situation tonight where some crazy drama was thrown my way. I could have handled it the way I would have 6 months ago, this one would have been real easy to rip apart. I could have caused hurt with my words and wit and increased the drama factor 100%. Instead I soaked in the goodness of laughing at Idol tryouts with a full chat room full of drama-free people. I let it uplift me and rather than speak on the drama, I let it go. Turned my back on it, cut the source out of my world and went on with life in the blink of an eye.

I'm proud of myself, it's a good feeling. I'm coming back to me and I like what I'm seeing and feeling. I'm busy, I'm so amazingly busy with so much going on. There's no time to miss any of it and what would have been lost to drama is now given to productivity. I forgot what inner peace felt like.

It's still early in the year and I am still bathing in hope and positive thoughts for 2007. I may flounder here and there but right now I've re-discovered the Spock in me and I'm comfortable with her.

It really is that easy. The mind is a glorious and truly wonderful tool.

1. For what it’s worth, I never considered you a drama-mama.  But sometimes, without a little perspective, I believe it’s human nature for us all to be involved in one way or another in the Next Big Thing, something that gets our blood pumping and our heart racing and reminds us just a little bit that we’re human.

   Not that that’s a good thing, you understand, I think we’re just wired—all of us, in one way or another—to feed into drama from time to time.  And then we’ll get a little dose of reality, not drama, to remind us just how silly that is.

   I wasn’t in the chat room with you, but I’m really proud that you were able to not take the bait and rise above the drama.  Congratulations. 

   Much love.
   Rose

   Rose  on  01/18  at  09:42 AM

2. That is a great feeling indeed, but sometimes can be misconstrued as a case of running away, rather than turning

   SEV  on  01/18  at  02:13 PM

3. I am so proud of you. Last night was BAD...in so many forms. However YOU did the right thing. You didn’t give in. You didn’t continue with all of it. You are an amazingly strong woman, and you don’t always give yourself credit for that. You are my hero!

   xoxox

   Debi  on  01/18  at  06:42 PM

4. Well done, kitty.  I am proud of you being able to disengage from the toxicity.  Unfortunately, there will never be an end to drama, but, as in any theater, if you don’t like the show you can always stand up and leave and get a refund for your ticket.

   You have entirely too much positive stuff going on right now and a bright road of opportunity that awaits to let stuff like this hamper you in any way.  Keep on, keepin on.

    on  01/18  at  08:20 PM

5. See, I always miss out on the drama--but I’ve no doubt you handled it with ablomp and dignity. Or at least a lot of laughing.
   xoxox

   aka_monty  on  01/19  at  05:11 PM

6. HOLY CATS, evidently I’m dyslexic! What a dumbass
   APLOMB.
   Is what I meant.
   For crap’s sake.

   note to self: learn to proofread!

   aka_monty  on  01/20  at  04:03 AM
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