Thursday, June 01, 2006

We Fade to Grey

Tonight sucked. Sucked. Tonight sucked and much is wrong right now. Where there was warmth there is instead cold. Where there was comfort there is instead emptiness. Where there was security there is instead a wedge that despite words uttered will remain. Don't ask me what's wrong. I'm not going to say and it's not that any one thing is actually wrong. I've got a million things all doing a conga line in my head and I have no place to put them. I can't put them here, it's too exposed. I don't have the other domain set up yet. I can't share them with anyone. My head is in a weird place.

Things in my life whirlwind. It's always been that way. Whirlwind in and whirlwind out. I've been riding a bit of a mental high this past week or so and I've loved every minute of it. What sucks is that the mental highs don't last and tonight I lost mine. I hate being an extremist, where is the grey I hear so much of.

What am I? I'm sad without being depressed. It's a different sort of sad, a resigned and deeply internal sort of sad. I'll still laugh and smile when I wake up but those I can't hide shit from will smell it. Meathe. Dan. Ahri. Coyote.

At least the show went alright. I think it went alright, I honestly don't know. It could have sucked for all I know.

Tomorrow I'm going to sit my ass down at this machine and get one thing done. I have to. It's either get something done or go a little bit crazy and I don't need that. One thing. Useless doesn't work for me, useless is the kiss of death for me.

I had a lot to say.

Then I decided I had nothing to say.

1. Hey m’dear,

   I’m here if you need me.

   Meathe  on  06/01  at  11:10 AM

2. "hugs”.. I am so sorry you feel like that.. it will pass, and you will feel better; you are a great and incredible person and definitely you deserve all the good things that life has to offer..
   Keep the faith, it just a sign of changes, you feel that because you are alive inside and honest and real with yourself; don’t give up.

   Check this out
   http://www.whour.org/
   I hope this will help
   Love
   vicky

    on  06/01  at  11:32 AM

3. I just find out that that link doesn’t work, at least now, so here is another one:
   http://inspire.contactinfo.net/v2_i76/story_2.htm
   and this one
   http://www.wordsofpeace.net/index.htm
   “waves”

    on  06/01  at  01:27 PM

4. Oh, lol, one more
   http://maharaji.net/main1024.html
   :D

    on  06/01  at  01:33 PM
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