WebKittyn Warbles
Sunday, June 19, 2011
We’re In It Now, Captain
There's definitely some weird shit going on. Weird. Like major weird. W E I R D.
It's Father's Day. I haven't smoked. I felt like jumping off the Kingston Bridge last night I was so sad.
Today I feel good. Good, do you get this? Good. Genuinely good.
What.....the......hell...........
Where are the cravings (or is that tapping and/or visualising really working?)
Where is the depression?
Where is the anxiety?
Where are the urges to eat to make up for not having a cigarette?
Where the HELL did this confident, content, good feeling consume me? I can't even say mood, it's not a mood. This is a state of mind. It's not like I'm bouncing around now pretending to be happy to cover shit, it's not loud or boisterous or giddy. I just feel like all the pieces are in place and even the broken ones are playing nice. My brain is up there in thigh high boots with a bullwhip keeping the rest of me in check and I'll be damned if it isn't working.
Maybe it's too soon but shouldn't the first day or so be the worst (combined with Father's Day and my not being able to get up there)?
Why am I sitting here looking at a picture of my father, not smoking and smiling instead of the complete opposite? Sitting here feeling like I can do pretty much almost anything (still a few people I haven't mustered up the cajones to approach even though I want to - you know who you are). Sitting here not even impressed with myself for not smoking, I just don't want it.
Why am I sitting here looking at this ridiculous jug I have to pee in and keep in the fridge for 24 hours on July 1st, wondering what idiot MALE made this and forgot female anatomy doesn't work like theirs. Playing Meat Loaf and just genuinely ...... empowered and peaceful and completely centered.
Without freaken' cigarettes.
Where the hell did this come from??????????
Paul McKenna is the real deal, let me tell you... I'm not drinking the Kool Aid or heading off to the comet but this dude is for real. I don't think I'd even be on this path right now if I hadn't been given that book and CD at just the moment I was at my worst. His techniques, tips and exercises are obviously doing the right thing. He's not doing this, I'm doing this but he jump-started the old jalopy with the right electrical currents and now that jalopy is getting ready for the Grand Prix.
I may not understand where all this clarity is coming from or how it's happening but I am smart enough to understand and appreciate the fact that I'm 'getting off easy' with the cigarettes so far and the way I feel right now is what I need to hang on to.
I woke up for the first time in (way) over 20 years and tapped instead of smoked. It worked and I went on with life.
Hello stranger, who the hell are you and how did you get in my body?
SCREW IT. LET'S DO IT!!!
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Do it!!!!!! Soooo uber-proud of you!!!!
on 06/19 at 02:47 PM -
Hrm...I wonder if it would work for me.
Mare Martell Stotler on 06/20 at 12:56 PM -
So many many thanks for this article. I know lot of things about this post. Its so popular. I like this.
online marketing firm on 03/24 at 09:29 AM
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<-- Steal me!
