WebKittyn Warbles
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Why I Make a Crappy Girlfriend and a Happy Single Person
Don't get me wrong, I love love. I love the idea of love and I'm not opposed to love if it falls in my lap but I don't need romantic love in my life. Maybe that's why I make it so hard for anyone trying to woo me (love the word woo), I already know I make a crappy girlfriend and I'm not really looking to change. I've been told I'm a pain in the ass to deal with on that level and I'm alright with that. Not everyone needs to have that other person in their life to have a full and interesting life. Again, if I happened to meet someone who blew through all my walls and passed all the mental tests I have that I'm not even totally aware of I wouldn't walk away but it's not necessary.
1. I never want to be the center of anyone's world. I can't handle that. I don't want anyone so into me they make their world about me. That scares me, it makes me feel suffocated. I've reacted really badly in the past when people have done that and I get that it's on me. Most people want that, they would give anything to have someone make them the center of their universe but it doesn't work for me. I love seeing my friends who are those types of relationships and I smile at their joy and I get it, I just don't want it for me.
I also could never make anyone the center of my world. I have friends I've had for 20+ years and they are the ones who stuck by me through a lifetime of changes and events. My best friend will always come first, I have a fierce sense of loyalty and as much as I may love someone new to my world, they have to understand and accept that time and tribulations have earned these people special places in my life that I will never sacrifice for anyone.
2. I need alone time. I'm used to alone time. If I had to see someone every day I think I'd go crazy. Three or maybe four times a week is enough and even that's pushing it if it's weekly. I've got a life, I've got projects I'm working on, websites I should be working on, stuff for the station we've put off for over a year.. I need for him to also have a full life outside of me and he has to want to continue living his life regardless of relationship status. Go out with your friends, do whatever you did before the relationship. Don't change your habits for me.
3. I tend not to answer the phone. If I'm working on something or not feeling all that chipper, I tend to not pick up the phone. There may be a few days in a row where there is no contact except for a few texts here and there and that has to be alright. I'm used to being alone, I'm comfortable in calling my own shots and if I don't want to answer the phone I don't need people getting uppity about it. Same with IMs, if I've got N/A on, it's for a reason, don't come on and ask me 'how was your day' or some other inane small talk.
4. I hate the idea of sharing a bed. I think this one is because I'm used to my twin mattress, I might not mind so much if it were a king sized bed but he'd have to have his own blanket. I can't share a blanket. I need my own blanket, my own two pillows and don't put your arm on me because I switch sides all night. My ex used to sleep over and we'd both be in my twin and he'd wake me up in the morning with his .... well, you know.
5. No physical contact in hot weather unless it's in a well air-conditioned place. I hate sweat, I don't like being touched by sweaty people and I usually say 'mating season is closed from Memorial Day to Labor Day.' I know it's ridiculous but the last thing I want when it's 90 degrees outside is some sweaty dude hanging on me, no matter how good looking he is. It's hard to explain to people how much I truly hate the Summer while most of the world wants to be out on the beach. I hibernate next to ACs in the Summer and come out again come Autumn.
6. I'm a blogger. The good and the bad of the relationship are going to end up in the blog whether he likes it or not. If it's a part of my life it's on the Warbles and I've never believed in self-censoring what I write here. This tends to weird out the privacy buffs.
7. My cats will always come before any man, particularly Templeton. There's no room for debate there, the cats will always have the top seat and they know it. Tempy is my alpha and my confidante and if I could only save the man or the cat from drowning I'd be hugging Templeton whilst crying for the now-dead man.
8. I'm a FarmVille fiend. Love me, love my farm. I don't care if he farms or not but he has to pretend to be interested when I'm talking about the latest piglet I've bred or my latest tree mastery.
9. I'm not Mommy material. I see what my friends who are mothers do for their families and I boggle at their strength and selflessness. I don't have this. There are just some people who are not cut out to be mothers and I'm one of them. I'd make an awesome stepmother, my ideal man would already have kids. I would be a stepmother they could relate to and talk to and I would be content with that role.
10. I'm a serious pain in the ass. I'm stubborn. I'm opinionated and eccentric and just plain strange. I know there are definitely parts of my character I need to improve and work on and you're never too old to refine and redefine things about yourself but for the most part I'm not really looking to change much. The past three years have really changed me and the past year in particular as I finally came to terms with things as they are. I like being a stubborn pain in the ass.
So there are the top ten reasons I make a crappy girlfriend. I'm not ragging on myself, I could easily counter it with ten reasons I make a great girlfriend but I'm not selling anything here or looking to find amore so it's not necessary. This came up in conversation with a friend and it's another reason to blog and get this place breathing again.
I never rule anything out though. As Harlan Ellison so stunningly put it:
"Do they chill, the breezes that whisper of yesterday, the winds that come from a hidden valley near the top of the world? Do they bite, the shadowy thoughts that lie at the bottom of your heart during daylight hours, that swirl up like wood smoke in the night? Can you hear the memories of those who have gone before, calling to you when the weakness takes you, close to midnight? They are the winds, the thoughts, the voices of memory that prevail in the hour that lies between awareness and reverie. And on the other side of the world, hearing the same song, is your one true love, understanding no better than you, that those who cared and went away are trying to bring you together. Can you breach the world that keeps you apart?"
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I am SO with you on the King sized bed and separate blankets thing. It works when you can actually sleep instead of getting uncomfortable trying to find that perfect place to put your arm or hands. My husband and I have the big bed.
I don’t require having the constant attention, but some would be nice. I like the comfort of knowing that I have a witness to my life in all of it’s mundane and extraordinary moments.
As for being a mother, that’s all I really wanted to be when I grew up. Unfortunately, other than a couple of miscarriages, I have no biological children of my own, and it doesn’t look like my body wants that. I don’t know if it’s selflessness regarding my kids, but I want them to have a chance at life. I believe they are the most wonderful gifts I could have been given, therefore, I cherish every moment.
I thrive with alone time. I love being able to just be. I don’t have to be amazing. I don’t have to be anything but quiet. I have multiple projects, that with kids are daunting, that I wish to complete. For example, I’ve had an outline for a book for about a year. It’s still hanging on my wall waiting for me to pay attention to it. I’ll get to it, but it’s just more difficult.
It’s wise of you to understand your limits and boundaries. Most people don’t even get that far. They don’t understand that it’s okay to have faults. It’s what makes you uniquely you and me uniquely me. It’s okay to have those as well as the best foot forward sort of mentality.
Mare Martell Stotler on 06/07 at 12:25 PM
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