WebKittyn Warbles

He had to have a spinal tap today and I won't get to see him until tomorrow night. This is killing me, I was counting on being there in the morning but I got screwed.

The trach took. He's down to 75% with 95 breathing level which is good but he's got elevated white cells and a fever they can't figure out. I guess that's what the tap was for. They had to sedate him fully after it, he was moaning in obvious pain. He was trying to talk, it makes a gurgling sound I need to get used to.

Up, down, up, down. I can feel my strength and my sanity fading and last night / tonight's slap in the face did not help, it was like the final push off the edge of the cliff.

Now I can't even see him until late tomorrow when he's back under full sedation. It's rather cruel.

My mother cried a lot today, more than she has in a week. I bit yet another hole in my cheek trying to keep dry-eyed.

They still haven't done the second surgery for the PEG, not with the fever. Which means his move to rehab will be put off even longer.

I'm just having a really hard time with all of it tonight. I didn't drink any pineapple rum, I didn't take a valium. I don't want to numb myself with a crutch but I admit, I'm not dealing well. I think I threw up 6 times today from nerves.

I feel another cry coming on.