WebKittyn Warbles

Fact Four: I miss Ahriman.

I've had some amazingly bad juju lately. Nothing earth-shattering but enough to make my head spin. In an attempt to escape from the world I've been playing Final Fantasy Tactics on the housemate's PS2. Being a child of Sega I never got into any of the Final Fantasy games but this one looked amusing.

In the game there are monsters I have to kill called Ahrimans. Here, this is an Ahriman:



I was alright killing Ahrimans at first but the more I played the more I missed MY Ahriman.

Ahriman came to Time of Darkness a long long time ago. For seven years he was my right hand, keeper of the Manic Meter and many secrets, someone whose opinions I respected more than 99% of the rest of the world, my closest friend and confidante. Ahriman knew me better than some people I see every day and he understood the crazy way my head occasionaly usually works.

Ahriman disappeared a year or so ago. Just up and vanished. No goodbye, no see ya later, no piss off - nothing. Just gone after 7 years. Blew my mind away, he wasn't supposed to do that. How many people did he go through that same thing with me on, people who upped and vanished from ToD. I never in a million years expect him to do that.

I thought I was a good friend to him, good in the sense of loyalty and other friend qualities. Once the wave of righteous indignation passed it was replaced with the wave of sadness that obviously it had been a one-sided seven year friendship and that was a really hard pill to swallow. I thought he was one of those rare ones who transcended the internet into the realm of real-world friends. Hell, if he had ever wanted out of where he was he was welcome to come crash here and he knew it. Friends don't just take off and never look back. I used to do it, it sucks. It's selfish, it hurts and it's mean. Part of me sort of understands why he took off at first but the rest of me is hurt because it was a shitty thing to do and to stay gone without even an email is real crappy.

I like to play tough and pretend it doesn't still hurt but it does. It pretty much killed off any enthusiasm I had for ToD, it's just not the same place without him there and I find it hard to be there for long periods of time without my mind going back to when he was right there at my side.

I wish he would email, I wish he had considered our friendship a real one. I wish he had (at any point) gotten in touch with me, he should know me well enough to know I would just be so thrilled to hear from him the bad wouldn't be brought up and no questions would be asked. I wish he cared. I wish he understood how important he was to me and I admit that I wish he missed my presence in his life.

Much love, David. Please know you are always welcome in my world. I hope someday to see you there again.