WebKittyn Warbles
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Just Another Not so Strange Night
How to avoid 4 less than stellar nights in a row - lay low and build portals. Huzzah.
I've been in a strange mood since last night. I had a long talk with an old friend, it was a lot of catching up and hearing my friend's new attitude on life and it was a good thing. Totally away from all the drama and crap in my life. I admire the strength of this person and how they've come through the hurdles they've had to deal with over the past year or so.
Today was another high blood pressure day, we topped off at 117. Not sure what's doing it, it's not stress or any crap like that. That would be easy to deal with but it's something else going on. I need to get my ass to that new kidney doctor but I'll wait until after my birthday.
Not really sure how to put this strange mood into words. A lot of what I believe or think has been tested lately and after some questioning of my own morals and ways of seeing things, I've come to the conclusion the rest of the world is nuts. *grins* Remember that comic strip "The Family Circus" with the ghost kids who did all the bad stuff? Ida Know and Not Me and all. It's not me, it's THEM! Ha!
Another birthday coming up without my dad, it's going to suck. Darkstar is trying really hard to make it a good birthday and I'm deeply appreciative of that but it's still a birthday without my dad and it's only number two. I guess we'll go out to dinner and I've got something planned I'm not ready to share yet so who knows what kind of birthday it will be. I do miss the way I used to get excited about birthdays, I don't think I'll ever have that back. It's not the getting older, I don't care about that.
People. I've got the guards up around people lately, seems like the smart thing to do. Not everyone but for the most part the guards are up.
I've stopped reading some of the blogs I've been reading, I need to trim the blogroll. I find lately I have little patience for people who whine about being depressed all the time. Not that that's a bad thing but I'm talking about people with no physical ailments, gainfully employed, no great bad in their lives but there they are, whining about how hard it is being depressed and so on. One guy literally had me on the verge of throwing up at the pity party. I can't be around people like that anymore, it's too tempting to go off on a tirade of 'hey asshole, you want depressed? Try staring down the eyes of waiting on the donor list' and that sucks, that leads to pity. I'm done with the self pity. May piss a few people off in the process but screw it, the tried and true will stick around.
'Time for a Cool Change' isn't just a song name, it's not just the name of this blog. It's survival. It's the only way I'm going to get through all of this crap even if it means a return to dialysis if I decide to go. That's a whole set of posts for the kidney category and another night. I need to change a lot of crap in my life, I need to trim the fat off a lot of crap in my life, streamline my priorities and finish that damn clan hall! Ha!
Here I am again, full of plans and great ideas and talk but will I ever put any of it to life? That's the question.
I do want to thank Jen and Faith and Darkstar for some awesome conversing yesterday/last night. It was one of those rare days and nights where I actually felt like talking on the phone, which in itself for me is strange.
Yah, this was all just a whole lot of pointless blather. Welcome back, Warbles.
I've been in a strange mood since last night. I had a long talk with an old friend, it was a lot of catching up and hearing my friend's new attitude on life and it was a good thing. Totally away from all the drama and crap in my life. I admire the strength of this person and how they've come through the hurdles they've had to deal with over the past year or so.
Today was another high blood pressure day, we topped off at 117. Not sure what's doing it, it's not stress or any crap like that. That would be easy to deal with but it's something else going on. I need to get my ass to that new kidney doctor but I'll wait until after my birthday.
Not really sure how to put this strange mood into words. A lot of what I believe or think has been tested lately and after some questioning of my own morals and ways of seeing things, I've come to the conclusion the rest of the world is nuts. *grins* Remember that comic strip "The Family Circus" with the ghost kids who did all the bad stuff? Ida Know and Not Me and all. It's not me, it's THEM! Ha!
Another birthday coming up without my dad, it's going to suck. Darkstar is trying really hard to make it a good birthday and I'm deeply appreciative of that but it's still a birthday without my dad and it's only number two. I guess we'll go out to dinner and I've got something planned I'm not ready to share yet so who knows what kind of birthday it will be. I do miss the way I used to get excited about birthdays, I don't think I'll ever have that back. It's not the getting older, I don't care about that.
People. I've got the guards up around people lately, seems like the smart thing to do. Not everyone but for the most part the guards are up.
I've stopped reading some of the blogs I've been reading, I need to trim the blogroll. I find lately I have little patience for people who whine about being depressed all the time. Not that that's a bad thing but I'm talking about people with no physical ailments, gainfully employed, no great bad in their lives but there they are, whining about how hard it is being depressed and so on. One guy literally had me on the verge of throwing up at the pity party. I can't be around people like that anymore, it's too tempting to go off on a tirade of 'hey asshole, you want depressed? Try staring down the eyes of waiting on the donor list' and that sucks, that leads to pity. I'm done with the self pity. May piss a few people off in the process but screw it, the tried and true will stick around.
'Time for a Cool Change' isn't just a song name, it's not just the name of this blog. It's survival. It's the only way I'm going to get through all of this crap even if it means a return to dialysis if I decide to go. That's a whole set of posts for the kidney category and another night. I need to change a lot of crap in my life, I need to trim the fat off a lot of crap in my life, streamline my priorities and finish that damn clan hall! Ha!
Here I am again, full of plans and great ideas and talk but will I ever put any of it to life? That's the question.
I do want to thank Jen and Faith and Darkstar for some awesome conversing yesterday/last night. It was one of those rare days and nights where I actually felt like talking on the phone, which in itself for me is strange.
Yah, this was all just a whole lot of pointless blather. Welcome back, Warbles.
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