WebKittyn Warbles
Sunday, June 12, 2011
My Own Little World - Literally
A while back I officially shut down Time of Darkness, the MUID I've owned and run since 1998. It was just time, the world of MUDs has been fading for a while now and it's next to impossible to compete with WoW and the rest of the big games. I shut it down and let an era end. It was okay, ToD had a really long run - a lot longer than so many other MUDs. I had some amazing staff members and players and some have become lifelong friends.
A week or so ago I wanted to look at some stuff on ToD and grab some of Darkstar's RP info he was looking for so I got the place back up (with help).
Funny thing is, I've discovered being there is helping my head with all this coming out of the abyss stuff.
There's no one there, it's just me. I find it incredibly soothing to sit there with it in the background while cleaning music or whatever. Sometimes I'll just wander into a random room and st there and let it tick and watch the weather go by and it starts a whole stream of thoughts.
Maybe it's because it was such a good place for so long. It was a safe-haven and a place where I was truly among friends. Even empty it still resonates with 10 solid years of laughter and friendships and the sharing of secrets. I don't know what it is, I just know it is.
This is going to be a hard week for me. I'm alerting the world now this is going to be a hard week. I dread Father's Day and although I'm doing perfectly fine now, if I see one more sappy Hallmark type commercial I may just lose it. The deadbeat in California didn't come through so I expect there will be some sort of post this week where I kick myself over and over for not being able to do anything for my mother's birthday. Doesn't mean I'm regressing, just means it's a rough week but I'll come out of whatever funk I crawl into. I'll spend the week letting my friends make me laugh and posting more boots on FB and crying when I feel like it without bringing anyone else down.
I'll spend more time on ToD by myself playing thinking music and cleaning songs.
I smiled quite a few times today. Real ones, no fake grins.. Real smiles. I don't think one source of a big smile even intended to make me smile but he did anyway without knowing it. These are the little things I look for.
"In Inferno, nulla est redemptio"
A week or so ago I wanted to look at some stuff on ToD and grab some of Darkstar's RP info he was looking for so I got the place back up (with help).
Funny thing is, I've discovered being there is helping my head with all this coming out of the abyss stuff.
There's no one there, it's just me. I find it incredibly soothing to sit there with it in the background while cleaning music or whatever. Sometimes I'll just wander into a random room and st there and let it tick and watch the weather go by and it starts a whole stream of thoughts.
Maybe it's because it was such a good place for so long. It was a safe-haven and a place where I was truly among friends. Even empty it still resonates with 10 solid years of laughter and friendships and the sharing of secrets. I don't know what it is, I just know it is.
This is going to be a hard week for me. I'm alerting the world now this is going to be a hard week. I dread Father's Day and although I'm doing perfectly fine now, if I see one more sappy Hallmark type commercial I may just lose it. The deadbeat in California didn't come through so I expect there will be some sort of post this week where I kick myself over and over for not being able to do anything for my mother's birthday. Doesn't mean I'm regressing, just means it's a rough week but I'll come out of whatever funk I crawl into. I'll spend the week letting my friends make me laugh and posting more boots on FB and crying when I feel like it without bringing anyone else down.
I'll spend more time on ToD by myself playing thinking music and cleaning songs.
I smiled quite a few times today. Real ones, no fake grins.. Real smiles. I don't think one source of a big smile even intended to make me smile but he did anyway without knowing it. These are the little things I look for.
"In Inferno, nulla est redemptio"
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