WebKittyn Warbles

I guess you can't go home again. Sad. If there is one dark cloud on my newfound spiritual optimism it is the realisation that there is some truth to that old saying.

Despite reassurance of otherwise, there is in place a feeling of distance with one friend that was never there before. Or maybe it's not so much distance but it's nowhere the same as it was. I'm doing a decent job of pretending it's alright but it's not.

He's not the same, there's a difference in him that I can feel a mile away. I'm not the same, I find myself watching what I say in my usual sexual comments or gushing sentiment. Best to play cautious and not do any of that, not do what for so long made me me.

It makes me sad, it makes me want to take off again, it makes me more the cynic. I didn't expect it to be exactly what it was but it's like going home to the old neighbourhood and where your house used to be is a parking lot. It's not the same, it's the same locale but the rest is all different.

I don't like being on guard, I don't like watching my wit or running my comments through the interna filter before I say anything. It feels processed, not real. He says everything is fine yet his actions, words and lack of words betray the assurances that all is well.

All is not well.

Maybe I came back too soon. Maybe I hope for too much. I have no clue, just that it's not the same. The closeness has gone.

Makes me sad, think I'm going to go hobble outside and see who's in the secondary park.

It feels ..... broken.