WebKittyn Warbles

So I'm sitting around last night waiting for Darkstar to get back from McDonald's with the cheeseburger in paradise. It was 11-ish and I was feeling kind of bloated and PMSsy but nothing bad or tragic. I came to the computer to delete all the spam mail and I'm sitting here minding my own business.

All of a sudden I see Templeton dash under my chair. He starts meowing like a kitty on crack and I figure he just wants my attention. Then I hear rustling under my chair and I thought to myself 'self, your cat has gotten yet another hapless spider. End its misery.' I look down and see something big. Big. The lights were off except for a small desk lamp, all I saw was big. I thought it was a bumblebee.

I reach up, still on my chair, hit the light pull on the ceiling fan. There it is. RIGHT under my chair! Where I would have stepped on it if I had moved my foot one inch to the left. This. This giant mutant of a hideous beast.



I don't think I've ever moved so fast in my life, it was a true moment of gymnastic and sprinting as I jumped up from the chair and ran to the kitchen. I didn't want to kill it and spread giant mutant guts all over the rug so I grabbed a large plastic cup. Lucky for me, the beast was on a folder so I was able to capture it.

I wanted him to see it and I wasn't totally sure what it was so what do I do with it? Stick it in the microwave. The folder, the beast and the cup all went in the microwave. Not to cook, just to keep until he got home and confirmed it was some radioactive mutated X-Men bug.

I get on the mud to tell Nav and Ack about my horror and Nav points out that it sounds like a cicada. I don't deal well with those things.. When I was a kid there was one year they swarmed suburbia. Swarmed. My father the sadist had picked up a shell from outside, a giant dead thing that he proceeded to put on my pillow. Yes, on my pillow. Scared the CRAP out of me. They both snickered at me for being such a girl but it was HUGE.

He comes home and I tell him there's a monster in the microwave. I don't think he believed me until he opened the microwave and saw my trap. We didn't kill it, we set it free back in the park where it came from. Back to the world of mutant giant insects waiting to annihilate mankind and claim the planet as their own.

After he freed Willy, he tells me it was young. I ask him how he knows about the age of the cicada and his reply was "don't you remember those really big things your dad used to put on your bed?" Yes. Yes I do.

I can see some of you laughing at me, those of you in rural areas where you are used to giant bugs but I'm a city gal and hideous beasts right out of horror movies do not belong in suburbia.

If I had stepped on that thing and squished it with my naked feet I think I would have had a heart attack and died right on the spot.

I kid you not, it was H U G E.

Now stop laughing at me.