WebKittyn Warbles
Thursday, April 29, 2010
The Tides of Change, Phase One Completed
Tides of change. I like. Cool Change. It all fits.
I have a car. My own car. 20 years ago, 10 years ago I wouldn't have appreciated it - hell, I expected them - but this is now and I can't put into words how excited I am.
People think I'm over-stating it when I say two years but it's not. It's truly been two years I've been stuck in Red Hick without a car and 10 miles from town. Two years cut off from being able to do the simple things in life for myself or go places or do anything. Those of you who were with me through dialysis remember the horror that was Kingston Kabs.. Doctor appointments I put off because getting there wasn't worth the hassle. You get the idea.
Darkstar came through and now that's all a thing of the past. All of a sudden I've got this freedom in front of me and it's like a big door opening.
It's a catalyst, it's the catalyst I needed so desperately.
It's the end of the excuses of I can't go see the kidney guy because he's in Poughkeepsie. It's the end of a lot of stuff.
I've picked up on a bit of Darkstar's spirit lately and while I'm not full of life enough to lay deadlines like he does, I'm going to make the rest of 2010 the transitional year it's already started to become except I'm going to shift the transition. I said this before - baby steps.
I've decided to get rid of one bit of bullshit from my life every day. It could be a person, a situation, anything that fits in the bullshit category. If it's bullshit, it goes like last year's fashions.
There are people I want to get to know. People I've spent years talking to on a computer but due to geography never had the pleasure of meeting up with. It's time to change that. People who have been patiently waiting for years to get past the gates. Hell, I've got nothing but time on my hands these days and as long as the puke bags aren't too far off, I'm good to go.
It's still going to be a challenge. I still have to get up every morning and fight the puking. One of the conditions of this car loan was that I would consider dialysis instead of refusing outright.
I still have people in my life who are toxic and situations that are toxic. Slowly I have to weed them out of my world even if it hurts. It's time to let go of things that aren't real or aren't good for me.
Naming the car Base Camp just brings me one step closer to the real goal and the figurative Everest that has become my head.
Baby steps. I'm figuring it out and it's still only April. By the end of this year I *will* be in a completely different state of mind of my own doing. Re-gaining freedom is a pretty big baby step.
The facebook people can skip the pictures but believe it or not, some people still just read the warbles! Huzzah!
It's a 1998 Plymouth Neon with 72k miles and a sweet electric moonroof which was real important to me. It's green which works since I like to wear clothes that (at least in my head) make my eyes look more green and Darkstar is putting a new stereo in so I can do the iPod thing. It's cute, it's girly, it's mine. It's Base Camp and it has retro NY yellow plates.
And it shall save me.
I have a car. My own car. 20 years ago, 10 years ago I wouldn't have appreciated it - hell, I expected them - but this is now and I can't put into words how excited I am.
People think I'm over-stating it when I say two years but it's not. It's truly been two years I've been stuck in Red Hick without a car and 10 miles from town. Two years cut off from being able to do the simple things in life for myself or go places or do anything. Those of you who were with me through dialysis remember the horror that was Kingston Kabs.. Doctor appointments I put off because getting there wasn't worth the hassle. You get the idea.
Darkstar came through and now that's all a thing of the past. All of a sudden I've got this freedom in front of me and it's like a big door opening.
It's a catalyst, it's the catalyst I needed so desperately.
It's the end of the excuses of I can't go see the kidney guy because he's in Poughkeepsie. It's the end of a lot of stuff.
I've picked up on a bit of Darkstar's spirit lately and while I'm not full of life enough to lay deadlines like he does, I'm going to make the rest of 2010 the transitional year it's already started to become except I'm going to shift the transition. I said this before - baby steps.
I've decided to get rid of one bit of bullshit from my life every day. It could be a person, a situation, anything that fits in the bullshit category. If it's bullshit, it goes like last year's fashions.
There are people I want to get to know. People I've spent years talking to on a computer but due to geography never had the pleasure of meeting up with. It's time to change that. People who have been patiently waiting for years to get past the gates. Hell, I've got nothing but time on my hands these days and as long as the puke bags aren't too far off, I'm good to go.
It's still going to be a challenge. I still have to get up every morning and fight the puking. One of the conditions of this car loan was that I would consider dialysis instead of refusing outright.
I still have people in my life who are toxic and situations that are toxic. Slowly I have to weed them out of my world even if it hurts. It's time to let go of things that aren't real or aren't good for me.
Naming the car Base Camp just brings me one step closer to the real goal and the figurative Everest that has become my head.
Baby steps. I'm figuring it out and it's still only April. By the end of this year I *will* be in a completely different state of mind of my own doing. Re-gaining freedom is a pretty big baby step.
The facebook people can skip the pictures but believe it or not, some people still just read the warbles! Huzzah!
It's a 1998 Plymouth Neon with 72k miles and a sweet electric moonroof which was real important to me. It's green which works since I like to wear clothes that (at least in my head) make my eyes look more green and Darkstar is putting a new stereo in so I can do the iPod thing. It's cute, it's girly, it's mine. It's Base Camp and it has retro NY yellow plates.
And it shall save me.
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