WebKittyn Warbles
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
To the Muse that Mews
Dear Claudie,
It's a year today since we lost you. Hard to believe a year has gone by already, I don't think there's been one day I haven't shed a tear over you.
It was a pretty messed up year, I really could have used you around to make it all a little less crazy but I guess in a different (and much less satisfying) way you were with me. I still turned to you every time it got really bad, instead of your fuzzy head I took solace in holding your urn and just talking to you. You've been with me for every victory I've had in the past 12 months as well as the losses. The loss of you still hurts too much, I haven't felt the sense of totality of myself that I had after 9 years with you.
Sometimes I think I feel you around. When Tempy starts making those weird noises at nothing and running like he's chasing after something that isn't there it warms me to believe it's my ghost-cat. It's kept me going a few times when things were truly dark.
I would give anything to have you back right now. I'd talk to you of Everest and you'd growl at me for committing the sin of trying to touch you. My life lost a big part of its luster when you died, there could never be another Claude LeMew. There are secrets you took to the grave with you that I've never whispered to anyone since you died, human or feline.
Today is going to be hard. I'm going to spend today re-living every horrible moment of last February 7 and the crippling heartbreak I didn't know I was capable of feeling.
It's not too late to do something for you, something I know you would have appreciated. Somewhere out there a ghost-cat will smile.
You hated the cigarettes. You had allergies to begin with and you would always turn around and walk away when I was smoking. The time I held you and you smelled like smoke I cried for hours. I'm sorry it wasn't enough then to motivate me, I'm sorry I didn't do this for you sooner.
For you my Claudie, I promise to quit smoking. I promise to put my last cigarette out at 11:59PM EST and I promise to stick to it for you. In your memory and as a small tribute for all you did for me over 9 years. You are the only thing in this world that can motivate me to do this and to stick to it, to honour the Muse the Mews.
It's not going to be easy but I'm making this promise right to you, Claudie. It's not about Everest or anything else, this is my tribute to the best friend I have ever had and ever will have who can't be here to celebrate my victory with me.
You would have been happy with this, your home would have smelled better and the air would have been a little easier to breathe.
I promise to come here and re-read this post every time I want to smoke. I promise to hold your urn instead of the cigarette and I promise for once in my life not to fuck up something important. I promise to make this work for you, for both of us but mostly for you.
I do this for you. For your memory, for your love, for your devotion, for all you gave me.
On this day, February 7 2007, on the one-year anniversary of the death of Claude LeMew, the Muse That Mews, I, Heatherlyn, do officially and publicly promise and proclaim that at 11:59PM EST I will become a former smoker and the very last butt will be stubbed.
I love you Claudie. I miss you. Keep me strong through this, ok? Help me do this.
It's a year today since we lost you. Hard to believe a year has gone by already, I don't think there's been one day I haven't shed a tear over you.
It was a pretty messed up year, I really could have used you around to make it all a little less crazy but I guess in a different (and much less satisfying) way you were with me. I still turned to you every time it got really bad, instead of your fuzzy head I took solace in holding your urn and just talking to you. You've been with me for every victory I've had in the past 12 months as well as the losses. The loss of you still hurts too much, I haven't felt the sense of totality of myself that I had after 9 years with you.
Sometimes I think I feel you around. When Tempy starts making those weird noises at nothing and running like he's chasing after something that isn't there it warms me to believe it's my ghost-cat. It's kept me going a few times when things were truly dark.
I would give anything to have you back right now. I'd talk to you of Everest and you'd growl at me for committing the sin of trying to touch you. My life lost a big part of its luster when you died, there could never be another Claude LeMew. There are secrets you took to the grave with you that I've never whispered to anyone since you died, human or feline.
Today is going to be hard. I'm going to spend today re-living every horrible moment of last February 7 and the crippling heartbreak I didn't know I was capable of feeling.
It's not too late to do something for you, something I know you would have appreciated. Somewhere out there a ghost-cat will smile.
You hated the cigarettes. You had allergies to begin with and you would always turn around and walk away when I was smoking. The time I held you and you smelled like smoke I cried for hours. I'm sorry it wasn't enough then to motivate me, I'm sorry I didn't do this for you sooner.
For you my Claudie, I promise to quit smoking. I promise to put my last cigarette out at 11:59PM EST and I promise to stick to it for you. In your memory and as a small tribute for all you did for me over 9 years. You are the only thing in this world that can motivate me to do this and to stick to it, to honour the Muse the Mews.
It's not going to be easy but I'm making this promise right to you, Claudie. It's not about Everest or anything else, this is my tribute to the best friend I have ever had and ever will have who can't be here to celebrate my victory with me.
You would have been happy with this, your home would have smelled better and the air would have been a little easier to breathe.
I promise to come here and re-read this post every time I want to smoke. I promise to hold your urn instead of the cigarette and I promise for once in my life not to fuck up something important. I promise to make this work for you, for both of us but mostly for you.
I do this for you. For your memory, for your love, for your devotion, for all you gave me.
On this day, February 7 2007, on the one-year anniversary of the death of Claude LeMew, the Muse That Mews, I, Heatherlyn, do officially and publicly promise and proclaim that at 11:59PM EST I will become a former smoker and the very last butt will be stubbed.
I love you Claudie. I miss you. Keep me strong through this, ok? Help me do this.
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