WebKittyn Warbles

It's a grand feeling when you discover things really are that easy.

I used to be able to turn my back and walk away from people, places and situations and never look back. It was cold, it was emotionless and it was final, when I decided something was bad enough I just made up my mind I was done and that was it. No looking back, no second guessing. I walked out of my closest relationship like that, I decided as I was driving home from Jerry's house that I was done, enough was enough. I told him the next night and although I cried, that was it. No calls the next day, no stalking or lurking or writing or calling. It was just ........... done. I did it with the bar I spent my entire 20's in and the people that for so many years I called friends. I've done it to more jobs than I care to mention and with the jobs the social circles that were made.

I know it sounds cold and I suppose it is cold but they were all situations that had become unhealthy or unhappy and sometimes it really is easier to make a total break than linger caught in the middle.

I stopped being able to do that a while back, I'm not sure when it happened but I lost the ability to stoic out and think like a Vulcan.

One of my bigger resolutions for 2007 was to cut the drama. Too much of last year was spent in a sphere of drama and horseshit that didn't do me any good. I hate myself when I turn into the drama-mama and I lose respect for myself when I let others drag me into the drama. Drama has a lure, let's face it. People enjoy the suffering of others whether they admit it or not. The world is full of excuse makers, blame shifters, people lacking in self worth, attention needy people, etc. There's no avoiding it unless you live in a cave and it's real easy to get sucked into. I spent too much of 2006 sucked into vortexes that weren't mine, that I didn't need to be in.

I decided for 2007 that I wanted to like me all the time again, not just 80% of the time. I decided the drama had to go and I had to pull myself away - as painful as it might be - from places, people and situations where there is unnecessary drama. I can do what I can do avoid the drama simply by walking away from it and not looking back.

It's turned out to be easier than I thought it would be so far, I'm rather proud of myself.

There are people I've desperately wanted to reach out to and have missed dearly. There are places I once felt I belonged that I was wrong about that I've walked away from. There are situations I've pulled myself of. There are conversations I've declined to have and questions I've declined to answer. For all the emotion I've felt or feel to all of them I came to terms with the fact that they were unhealthy. Drama is a drug, too much of it can rot the mind as much as any narcotic.

I had a situation tonight where some crazy drama was thrown my way. I could have handled it the way I would have 6 months ago, this one would have been real easy to rip apart. I could have caused hurt with my words and wit and increased the drama factor 100%. Instead I soaked in the goodness of laughing at Idol tryouts with a full chat room full of drama-free people. I let it uplift me and rather than speak on the drama, I let it go. Turned my back on it, cut the source out of my world and went on with life in the blink of an eye.

I'm proud of myself, it's a good feeling. I'm coming back to me and I like what I'm seeing and feeling. I'm busy, I'm so amazingly busy with so much going on. There's no time to miss any of it and what would have been lost to drama is now given to productivity. I forgot what inner peace felt like.

It's still early in the year and I am still bathing in hope and positive thoughts for 2007. I may flounder here and there but right now I've re-discovered the Spock in me and I'm comfortable with her.

It really is that easy. The mind is a glorious and truly wonderful tool.