WebKittyn Warbles
Monday, May 21, 2012
Progress, Updates, Blah Blah Blah
Okay, so this place has cobwebs but it's comforting to know it's still here and I can use it and have a place that isn't facebook. I haven't written anything since the start of the year and for the first time in all my crap, there's actually been some progress. Not all, I've made some dumb mistakes and did some dumb things but overall I think the first 5 months of the year have been a success.
The diet has been a blessing and a lot easier than I thought it would be. Once I stopped deluding myself about how much I actually needed to lose it just became a matter of patience and will. In 20 pounds I'll be at my lowest since the 80's in Pat's, it doesn't seem like such a huge mountain anymore. Just keep going at the pace I'm going, I can finally sit back and admit I see the difference and feel pride while not feeling satisfied. I'm done being over critical though, the circus hippo has retired. I really have come a long way, I'm just not done.
I fell head over heels when I wasn't looking for a really amazing guy who didn't/doesn't feel the same way. It took me a while to catch on as he was nothing but gracious but you can't force feelings or make a person want to talk to you or be with you. I'm a Pisces, I'm a dreamer, I didn't want to open my eyes to reality and admit it was one-sided but I can do that now and that's the first step. I like the chase and the game more than most but it becomes obvious at a point that 'he's just not that into you' and you cry and you blame yourself and wonder why you're not good enough and you cry some more and you move on. Open the eyes to what's right there and not throwing yourself at someone who doesn't really want you. Hard pill to swallow, harder to admit out loud. My own fault, I could have listened when he told me 'don't get fixated.' I know, I know. His loss. If I say it enough maybe I'll believe it.
I drove down to Westchester and saw a lot of old friends and met some new ones. I was nervous, I was neurotic, I was everything I'm not and I needed that trip to see what needs working on. No point in beating myself up for it now, it actually was just what I needed. I've got a list of what I need to work on for the next trip and 'relax' is at the top of that list. I also had some crazy shit going on that only 5 or so people knew about that didn't help but it's all good. It won't be like that next time, the one 'ghost' I had hanging over my head won't be brand new and I won't be all freaked out and paranoid over it. Oh, if only you knew. You'd be surprised I pulled it off as well as I did, really.
It's all weird and fucked for me with the kidneys. Time stopped for me. I spent 2 years in and out of hospitals and taking care of my dad and then his death which led right into 2 years of me eating like a pig and completely self-sabotaging. I go down to where my life was and of course, everyone else has these totally different lives. It's all different and that's the way it's supposed to be but for me it confuses me. It's like I have to catch up. No Heather, it's Monday night and people have jobs and families and no one wants to go hang out all night. Everyone moved on with the normal progression of life while my life stopped.
I've got this weird instability, it's got good and bad. The bad being I can't work, I can't do things in the mornings, I don't have a hell of a lot of spontaneous in me and I never know when it's either going to be a marathon barf session in the morning which knocks me out for the day or a random barf for no reason at any time. The good being that when I'm not doing my impression of a geyser I've got this freedom to get up and go and do and not worry about anything. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time and I'm just now getting the hang of balancing the two.
I'm kind of tired of people telling me I'm strong or even that they're proud of me. Don't be proud of me for fixing shit I should never have done to myself to begin with. It's not strength, it's disgust and now the disgust has gone and it's a stubborn determination.
These past few months were the working months. Now I've moved into the working and the social months and it's time to just have some fucken fun with life. I hate Summer. I hate heat and I hate sweat and I usually hibernate all Summer. Not this year. Not saying I want to spend much time outside but places with AC are good and Summer nights by the water are treasures.
I want to surround myself with people I *can* relax with and be myself with and hang around late night in giant pajamas (like with Jen and John) and not feel funny. I want to surround myself with people who genuinly *want* to be spending their time with me, I don't want to feel like I had to beg or sell someone to come spend time with me. I want to continue re-building the friendships I found again my first trip down. I want to surround myself with people who make me feel as good as I try to make the people I care about feel.
So yah, it's been an eventful couple of months. I've done a good amount of what I said I wanted to do and now I'm gearing up for the rest. Yes, I'll continue to make mistakes here and there and yes, I'll continue to be weak and emotionally needy now and then but not too often. I see the road ahead and it's actually quite pleasant because it's my road.
Ride, baby. Ride.
The diet has been a blessing and a lot easier than I thought it would be. Once I stopped deluding myself about how much I actually needed to lose it just became a matter of patience and will. In 20 pounds I'll be at my lowest since the 80's in Pat's, it doesn't seem like such a huge mountain anymore. Just keep going at the pace I'm going, I can finally sit back and admit I see the difference and feel pride while not feeling satisfied. I'm done being over critical though, the circus hippo has retired. I really have come a long way, I'm just not done.
I fell head over heels when I wasn't looking for a really amazing guy who didn't/doesn't feel the same way. It took me a while to catch on as he was nothing but gracious but you can't force feelings or make a person want to talk to you or be with you. I'm a Pisces, I'm a dreamer, I didn't want to open my eyes to reality and admit it was one-sided but I can do that now and that's the first step. I like the chase and the game more than most but it becomes obvious at a point that 'he's just not that into you' and you cry and you blame yourself and wonder why you're not good enough and you cry some more and you move on. Open the eyes to what's right there and not throwing yourself at someone who doesn't really want you. Hard pill to swallow, harder to admit out loud. My own fault, I could have listened when he told me 'don't get fixated.' I know, I know. His loss. If I say it enough maybe I'll believe it.
I drove down to Westchester and saw a lot of old friends and met some new ones. I was nervous, I was neurotic, I was everything I'm not and I needed that trip to see what needs working on. No point in beating myself up for it now, it actually was just what I needed. I've got a list of what I need to work on for the next trip and 'relax' is at the top of that list. I also had some crazy shit going on that only 5 or so people knew about that didn't help but it's all good. It won't be like that next time, the one 'ghost' I had hanging over my head won't be brand new and I won't be all freaked out and paranoid over it. Oh, if only you knew. You'd be surprised I pulled it off as well as I did, really.
It's all weird and fucked for me with the kidneys. Time stopped for me. I spent 2 years in and out of hospitals and taking care of my dad and then his death which led right into 2 years of me eating like a pig and completely self-sabotaging. I go down to where my life was and of course, everyone else has these totally different lives. It's all different and that's the way it's supposed to be but for me it confuses me. It's like I have to catch up. No Heather, it's Monday night and people have jobs and families and no one wants to go hang out all night. Everyone moved on with the normal progression of life while my life stopped.
I've got this weird instability, it's got good and bad. The bad being I can't work, I can't do things in the mornings, I don't have a hell of a lot of spontaneous in me and I never know when it's either going to be a marathon barf session in the morning which knocks me out for the day or a random barf for no reason at any time. The good being that when I'm not doing my impression of a geyser I've got this freedom to get up and go and do and not worry about anything. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time and I'm just now getting the hang of balancing the two.
I'm kind of tired of people telling me I'm strong or even that they're proud of me. Don't be proud of me for fixing shit I should never have done to myself to begin with. It's not strength, it's disgust and now the disgust has gone and it's a stubborn determination.
These past few months were the working months. Now I've moved into the working and the social months and it's time to just have some fucken fun with life. I hate Summer. I hate heat and I hate sweat and I usually hibernate all Summer. Not this year. Not saying I want to spend much time outside but places with AC are good and Summer nights by the water are treasures.
I want to surround myself with people I *can* relax with and be myself with and hang around late night in giant pajamas (like with Jen and John) and not feel funny. I want to surround myself with people who genuinly *want* to be spending their time with me, I don't want to feel like I had to beg or sell someone to come spend time with me. I want to continue re-building the friendships I found again my first trip down. I want to surround myself with people who make me feel as good as I try to make the people I care about feel.
So yah, it's been an eventful couple of months. I've done a good amount of what I said I wanted to do and now I'm gearing up for the rest. Yes, I'll continue to make mistakes here and there and yes, I'll continue to be weak and emotionally needy now and then but not too often. I see the road ahead and it's actually quite pleasant because it's my road.
Ride, baby. Ride.
Monday, January 02, 2012
Reflections on 2011, Looking Towards 2012 and a Conversation with My Father
Last year at the end of the year I told Darkstar that if things were the same as they were at the end of the year and my life was the same as it was at the end of the year I was going to take the gun and end it or go the easy way and let the kidneys do me in. I promised I was going to do all I could do make 2011 better than 2010 has been but if it wasn't any better I was done. I meant it when I said it, I even went so far as to write up an official will and make sure Darkstar knew what I wanted done with me after. I spent a lot of nights thinking about it, not in an emotional drama kind of way but more a quiet stoic "I'm just done" sort of way.
It's the end of the year now and it's been on my mind that I said that. While I can't say 2011 has been a banner year I also can't say with honesty that I did all I could to make it a great year so I have to own that and no easy ways out. It bothers me that I was in such a dark place only a year ago.
I'm not making resolutions this year. I'm thinking about my father and what he would say to me if he was here. How he would evaluate my past year, both the successes and the failures. I think he'd have a lot to say.
I did have some major victories in 2011. I finally came out of the dark place and got on the track to living. I've forged bonds with new friends and people that I expect will go places in 2012 - as long as I let them. I got the kidneys under control as much as I am capable of and I went for all the tests I had been terrified to do. I learned to stand on my own two feet and discovered I really am tougher than I thought I was. I can hear him saying 'good work, kiddo' on that much.
I had a lot of failures in 2011. This is where I hear my father's voice, loud and strong, telling me what I already know - what I messed up in 2011.
He would tell me to get off my ass and start living again. He would remind me that those 6 months we had when he came out of the rehab place were a gift as he wasn't expected to recover. He would tell me I got the same gift with the kidneys and he would tell me I'm wasting it.
He would tell me to stop making lists and just do stuff. Stop planning and thinking and if something needs doing, do it. If there's something I want to do - do it. If there's somewhere I want to go - go. Stop talking about doing and do.
He would be pretty pissed off at the way my mother and I can't seem to co-exist and he would tell both of us to shit or get off the pot. He would point to the Kingston Bridge and say go if it's that bad. He would remind me that she can't do everything she used to even if she is in pretty good shape but she needs more help with stuff. He wouldn't want to see his two women at each other.
He would be less than happy with the way I've neglected my health. While I've done well with the kidneys, I've allowed myself to get complacent and I don't move around nearly as much as I need to. He would tell me to get off the goddamn computer and go walk around or something. He would remind me I wouldn't even make it to the trail to Base Camp in the shape I am and he would make it perfectly clear I did it to myself.
He would tell me enough with the feeling sorry for myself. While he would acknowledge that I've come a long way I still get in these funks and withdraw from everyone and lament the cards I was dealt. He would tell me to just cut the shit and remind me in no uncertain terms it could be a lot worse. He would push me to keep going where I was going when I seem to have stopped walking forward.
He would tell me to stop talking about writing that damn book and do it. He would be up to date on e-books and self-publishing e-books and he would be the first one to tell me to go for it and my biggest cheerleader along the way. He would read it, he would critique it honestly and I would soak in every word he offered.
He would tell me to let go of the paintings and the mugs and the other things that are worth so much that could really help my mother out. He would tell me to let go of not getting all of the books, let go of the anger and the resentment. He would tell me to understand why it went the way it did and get over it.
He would tell me I have no one to blame but myself if I don't turn 2012 around. He would acknowledge my limitations as I have but he would also tell me to stop hiding behind them and letting them define me. He would tell me I bring a lot of my misery on myself and while I can't change it all I can certainly stop with the shit I dump on myself.
He would tell me to go back to the things that I love so dearly because of him and have abandoned. Watching golf, reading the authors we both loved so much, watching zombie movies. I haven't been able to truly enjoy any of them (and a few more) since I lost him and I can hear him telling me enough. Read those books for me, kiddo. Enjoy that golf and think of me every time you yell 'GET IN THE HOLE.'
He would tell me to let myself off the hook for not being able to go up there and see him yet. I'm close, I work on it every day but I just can't do it yet. He would understand and tell me I'm being silly and not to get all worked up about it.
He would tell me it's long past time to get back into the social world. Start accepting invitations and stop making excuses that I can't go somewhere because I might start throwing up. He would tell me enough living like a monk, get the hell out there. He would remind me that I'm intelligent and funny and really strange and I have a lot to offer people even if I forget that.
He would make sure I remembered all the victories of 2011 as I tend to be way too harsh on myself. Not every victory has to be major and there were quite a few small ones. I owned up to some major mistakes I made that hurt people early in the year, I owned up to my shitty attitude and self piteous way of life and I managed to turn this around. I've done what so few others have done with the kidneys and I've held on to the people that matter the most.
Most important, he would remind me to have fun with life because it really all can change in a day or a moment. He would make sure I understood this and made the most out of my situation, whatever the situation is. Whether it's living in Nowhere NY for now or being piss poor for the moment or throwing up way too much - make the best of all of it and never forget it could be worse. Never forget what he went through and came out of, what I went through and came out of.
I think I get it, I think he would walk away feeling that I really got it this time. You keep watching over me, Dad. You'll see that it sunk in. I'll be up there to visit the cemetery for my birthday, that's one promise I make to myself, to spend a part of my birthday with you. Me with my purple hair.
Happy 2012, Dad. Thank you for the conversation and for making me see what's what. I'll be counting on your spirit to get me through the hard times and the times I don't think I can make it. I love you dearly, Dad. I dedicate this year to you.
It's the end of the year now and it's been on my mind that I said that. While I can't say 2011 has been a banner year I also can't say with honesty that I did all I could to make it a great year so I have to own that and no easy ways out. It bothers me that I was in such a dark place only a year ago.
I'm not making resolutions this year. I'm thinking about my father and what he would say to me if he was here. How he would evaluate my past year, both the successes and the failures. I think he'd have a lot to say.
I did have some major victories in 2011. I finally came out of the dark place and got on the track to living. I've forged bonds with new friends and people that I expect will go places in 2012 - as long as I let them. I got the kidneys under control as much as I am capable of and I went for all the tests I had been terrified to do. I learned to stand on my own two feet and discovered I really am tougher than I thought I was. I can hear him saying 'good work, kiddo' on that much.
I had a lot of failures in 2011. This is where I hear my father's voice, loud and strong, telling me what I already know - what I messed up in 2011.
He would tell me to get off my ass and start living again. He would remind me that those 6 months we had when he came out of the rehab place were a gift as he wasn't expected to recover. He would tell me I got the same gift with the kidneys and he would tell me I'm wasting it.
He would tell me to stop making lists and just do stuff. Stop planning and thinking and if something needs doing, do it. If there's something I want to do - do it. If there's somewhere I want to go - go. Stop talking about doing and do.
He would be pretty pissed off at the way my mother and I can't seem to co-exist and he would tell both of us to shit or get off the pot. He would point to the Kingston Bridge and say go if it's that bad. He would remind me that she can't do everything she used to even if she is in pretty good shape but she needs more help with stuff. He wouldn't want to see his two women at each other.
He would be less than happy with the way I've neglected my health. While I've done well with the kidneys, I've allowed myself to get complacent and I don't move around nearly as much as I need to. He would tell me to get off the goddamn computer and go walk around or something. He would remind me I wouldn't even make it to the trail to Base Camp in the shape I am and he would make it perfectly clear I did it to myself.
He would tell me enough with the feeling sorry for myself. While he would acknowledge that I've come a long way I still get in these funks and withdraw from everyone and lament the cards I was dealt. He would tell me to just cut the shit and remind me in no uncertain terms it could be a lot worse. He would push me to keep going where I was going when I seem to have stopped walking forward.
He would tell me to stop talking about writing that damn book and do it. He would be up to date on e-books and self-publishing e-books and he would be the first one to tell me to go for it and my biggest cheerleader along the way. He would read it, he would critique it honestly and I would soak in every word he offered.
He would tell me to let go of the paintings and the mugs and the other things that are worth so much that could really help my mother out. He would tell me to let go of not getting all of the books, let go of the anger and the resentment. He would tell me to understand why it went the way it did and get over it.
He would tell me I have no one to blame but myself if I don't turn 2012 around. He would acknowledge my limitations as I have but he would also tell me to stop hiding behind them and letting them define me. He would tell me I bring a lot of my misery on myself and while I can't change it all I can certainly stop with the shit I dump on myself.
He would tell me to go back to the things that I love so dearly because of him and have abandoned. Watching golf, reading the authors we both loved so much, watching zombie movies. I haven't been able to truly enjoy any of them (and a few more) since I lost him and I can hear him telling me enough. Read those books for me, kiddo. Enjoy that golf and think of me every time you yell 'GET IN THE HOLE.'
He would tell me to let myself off the hook for not being able to go up there and see him yet. I'm close, I work on it every day but I just can't do it yet. He would understand and tell me I'm being silly and not to get all worked up about it.
He would tell me it's long past time to get back into the social world. Start accepting invitations and stop making excuses that I can't go somewhere because I might start throwing up. He would tell me enough living like a monk, get the hell out there. He would remind me that I'm intelligent and funny and really strange and I have a lot to offer people even if I forget that.
He would make sure I remembered all the victories of 2011 as I tend to be way too harsh on myself. Not every victory has to be major and there were quite a few small ones. I owned up to some major mistakes I made that hurt people early in the year, I owned up to my shitty attitude and self piteous way of life and I managed to turn this around. I've done what so few others have done with the kidneys and I've held on to the people that matter the most.
Most important, he would remind me to have fun with life because it really all can change in a day or a moment. He would make sure I understood this and made the most out of my situation, whatever the situation is. Whether it's living in Nowhere NY for now or being piss poor for the moment or throwing up way too much - make the best of all of it and never forget it could be worse. Never forget what he went through and came out of, what I went through and came out of.
I think I get it, I think he would walk away feeling that I really got it this time. You keep watching over me, Dad. You'll see that it sunk in. I'll be up there to visit the cemetery for my birthday, that's one promise I make to myself, to spend a part of my birthday with you. Me with my purple hair.
Happy 2012, Dad. Thank you for the conversation and for making me see what's what. I'll be counting on your spirit to get me through the hard times and the times I don't think I can make it. I love you dearly, Dad. I dedicate this year to you.
Friday, September 23, 2011
I Want to Know You - Putting Myself Out There (or - Words of a Desperate Friendless Sot)
(disclaimer as suggested by the lovely and talented Deb: although this post may very well make me appear to be a desperate and friendless sot, I'm really not. I've never been desperate, I do have friends and okay, maybe a sot... I write this shit because it makes sense to me but sometimes it's hard to put it into words so yes, I am aware I look like a desperate friendless sot, thank you. I have no filter when it comes to discussing myself and this is where I do it because hey, it IS called the 'warbles' for a reason!)
Sometimes it really is strange what triggers things in the mind. One small thing triggers something else and the next thing you know you're in the middle of some great epiphany about yourself or your life. It's kind of crazy but also kind of wonderful.
I had one of these moments this morning around 6ish. Stemmed from an out of nowhere text that came in around 4 from a friend whose opinion matters a bit more than most. We chatted back and forth on text for over an hour and by the time it was done I was feeling all these strange things and I knew I had to get them written down.
The main thing this friend did that I didn't even know I needed doing was to build me up. Not fluff or BS, this isn't a BS person and not meaningless tripe or flowery compliments. Building up where it matters the most, the self. I often forget that I'm a pretty interesting person with a wicked sense of humour, a well-functioning brain and a crazy sudden zest for life. He reminded me, without saying it, that there really are people around who find me interesting and valuable and even memorable.
I wasn't even feeling insecure, it's been a good month so far but it was like this wave of positive affirmation and it put me on a high and now it's Autumn and it's time to start doing things. That's where the title comes from.
I've spent a long time alienating people and/or not taking the time to get to know people or re-connect with people I've known forever. This is entirely on me and I accept it but it's time to start shifting the tides.
I want to know people, I really do. It sounds silly but to those of you I've blown off or not given a chance or just never took the effort to get to know I'm sorry, I want to know you. Everyone has something magical in them and I'm missing out on the magic of others and it's time to stop that.
Doesn't matter where the people are from. Whether it's the one bar in Red Hook that has bands, karaoke and action or people from the MUDs or Facebook or my past, it doesn't matter. It's time to put myself out there and find the magic in people and hope that they can see mine.
I'm not looking for dates or love or sex, that's not the kind of putting myself out there I mean. Not that I'm opposed to any of the above but you don't jump from self-imposed isolation into any of those without the in-between.
I want to surround myself with people who want to know me. I want to surround myself with people who think I'm interesting and want to know me beyond the basic crap everyone sees. I want to surround myself with interesting and unique and fun people from all over and get to know them. I want to surround myself with people who think differently than I, people I can learn from and discover new things to delve into from.
I want to hook up with the friends I've had forever that I've found again thanks to Facebook. When you take a look at a friend list and realise 'holy crap, I know most of these people offline' it's pretty trippy. Seeing them happy and still hanging out together and still the same amazing people they always were is awesome. Seeing them happy to hear from me again after all the time passed is also awesome. I can't be that much of a shithead if people from 20+ years ago have fond and frequent memories that I'm a part of.
I want to find some new friends. Locals to hang out with up here as long as I'm here and some of you amazing souls on Facebook that somehow I started talking to. I read your walls. I'm not a stalker but I'm interested enough to check status updates to see what people are up to and to those of you who have said 'hey, can I give you call?' and I came up with some lame excuse, the phone lines are now open.
I don't want to know your life story and don't expect mine too quickly. I'm not looking for stalkers and I'm not going stalking (unless we're talking Richard Hammond), I've always been a huge fan of the mystery of getting to know a person slowly. I don't want to see your comments on your friends posts, I don't want to know every detail of your mind, I don't wan to know how large your penis is.
I'm just opening doors I had previously shut. Between three years of dealing with death, disease and as much recovery as I'm going to get it messed with my head and I didn't think people needed to be around that so I shut myself off from the world for the most part. My friends get it, they don't hold it against me.
I had to get past a lot of shit and get back to being comfortable with who I am. I've got scars in places scars don't belong that for the longest time - in my eyes - jumped out and instantly marred any physical impression I might make and one thing I always was was vain about how I looked. Not full of myself but I liked looking a certain way and all I could see were those two damn scars. People ask for current pictures and that's perfectly normal but I had/have shit to get past. I can see it for silly now. Everyone has a scar or two somewhere, I've just got a few more than most and two are in bad places for me. I've never been conceited but I've always been confident but I lost that confidence for three years and it's only now starting to come back. I'm still not fully there yet but I'm getting there and I'm doing it on my time and it's working as evidenced by the amount of time I've spent out being social these past mornings.
I'm not looking for people to hang out with tomorrow or next week or maybe even not next month. I don't know, I have no plans besides those for the holidays and that's too far off to start talking about now. Some of the people I want to really talk to again are out of state or country so it's not all about people to hang out with.
It's about people in general and laying foundations. I'm offering myself up out there (in a purely pure way) for the getting to know. For the learning and the discovery of the magic inside people. For the people who may want to get to know me.
My friend said last night they envy my freedom and it made me think. I may have broken kidneys and I may throw up like a fountain but I do have that element of freedom a lot of people would like to have and I need to not take that for granted anymore. If I want to just get up and go, I can. I'm pretty poor but I'm holding my own and I can manage what I want or need. I feel pretty good. I've got this amazing gift of time and freedom and I need to stop wasting it.
I'm not just looking for online friends although I think that's a grand place to start a friendship. I'm not looking for stalkers, fans or groupies and I'm not looking to be anyone's stalker, fan or groupie (except you, Jeckles).
I guess I'm looking to take my life and my entire way of living in a whole new direction and it would be nice not to go there alone but I'm okay with that if it ends up that way even though I'm pretty sure it won't. I've spent years keeping people at arm's length away though and now I have to undo all of that and in the process pick up some new merry pranksters.
I'm not getting any younger and let's be honest - my kidneys could go at any time and change everything and I've finally gotten that through my thick head. I've got the means and opportunity to go a little hog wild for the next year or so so why the hell not go for it for myself and my friend last night who envied my freedom and for everyone who feels trapped in their current lives.
Now there's always that possibility no one is going to read this or respond to this or find me someone they want to get to know or hang out with but I'm willing to take that chance, it's part of putting myself out there. If not I can always go join the Monks on Mt. Tremper and live a life of solitude and monkitude.
I've finally come to that happy and internally content place. Sure there's always room for improvement and now that I've fixed the inside the outside needs some serious work before I go out and conquer the world but there's that happy medium where foundations can be laid and potential new partners in crime can be found.
It's time to start answering the phone and reaching out. It's time to stop pulling inwards and it's time to let the people that actually want to get to know me inside the gates. It's time to stop thinking people are doing me a favour talking to me and undercutting my own value (and no, I mean no one in specific so no paranoia allowed). It's time to find out what life as a moderately intelligent cougar with nice eyes is like. It's time to open my eyes to the things that are good about me while continuing to fix the rest. It's time to just fucken LIVE.
It's Autumn, I'm alive, I'm beating kidney failure, I'm feeling good inside and this is exactly what I had been hoping for all Summer. It's also been a pretty damn good month and I'm determined to keep that momentum going.
Hi, I'm Heather and I've just put myself out there. Completely vulnerable! Want to be my friend? I promise it will be strange but hardly boring.
Sometimes it really is strange what triggers things in the mind. One small thing triggers something else and the next thing you know you're in the middle of some great epiphany about yourself or your life. It's kind of crazy but also kind of wonderful.
I had one of these moments this morning around 6ish. Stemmed from an out of nowhere text that came in around 4 from a friend whose opinion matters a bit more than most. We chatted back and forth on text for over an hour and by the time it was done I was feeling all these strange things and I knew I had to get them written down.
The main thing this friend did that I didn't even know I needed doing was to build me up. Not fluff or BS, this isn't a BS person and not meaningless tripe or flowery compliments. Building up where it matters the most, the self. I often forget that I'm a pretty interesting person with a wicked sense of humour, a well-functioning brain and a crazy sudden zest for life. He reminded me, without saying it, that there really are people around who find me interesting and valuable and even memorable.
I wasn't even feeling insecure, it's been a good month so far but it was like this wave of positive affirmation and it put me on a high and now it's Autumn and it's time to start doing things. That's where the title comes from.
I've spent a long time alienating people and/or not taking the time to get to know people or re-connect with people I've known forever. This is entirely on me and I accept it but it's time to start shifting the tides.
I want to know people, I really do. It sounds silly but to those of you I've blown off or not given a chance or just never took the effort to get to know I'm sorry, I want to know you. Everyone has something magical in them and I'm missing out on the magic of others and it's time to stop that.
Doesn't matter where the people are from. Whether it's the one bar in Red Hook that has bands, karaoke and action or people from the MUDs or Facebook or my past, it doesn't matter. It's time to put myself out there and find the magic in people and hope that they can see mine.
I'm not looking for dates or love or sex, that's not the kind of putting myself out there I mean. Not that I'm opposed to any of the above but you don't jump from self-imposed isolation into any of those without the in-between.
I want to surround myself with people who want to know me. I want to surround myself with people who think I'm interesting and want to know me beyond the basic crap everyone sees. I want to surround myself with interesting and unique and fun people from all over and get to know them. I want to surround myself with people who think differently than I, people I can learn from and discover new things to delve into from.
I want to hook up with the friends I've had forever that I've found again thanks to Facebook. When you take a look at a friend list and realise 'holy crap, I know most of these people offline' it's pretty trippy. Seeing them happy and still hanging out together and still the same amazing people they always were is awesome. Seeing them happy to hear from me again after all the time passed is also awesome. I can't be that much of a shithead if people from 20+ years ago have fond and frequent memories that I'm a part of.
I want to find some new friends. Locals to hang out with up here as long as I'm here and some of you amazing souls on Facebook that somehow I started talking to. I read your walls. I'm not a stalker but I'm interested enough to check status updates to see what people are up to and to those of you who have said 'hey, can I give you call?' and I came up with some lame excuse, the phone lines are now open.
I don't want to know your life story and don't expect mine too quickly. I'm not looking for stalkers and I'm not going stalking (unless we're talking Richard Hammond), I've always been a huge fan of the mystery of getting to know a person slowly. I don't want to see your comments on your friends posts, I don't want to know every detail of your mind, I don't wan to know how large your penis is.
I'm just opening doors I had previously shut. Between three years of dealing with death, disease and as much recovery as I'm going to get it messed with my head and I didn't think people needed to be around that so I shut myself off from the world for the most part. My friends get it, they don't hold it against me.
I had to get past a lot of shit and get back to being comfortable with who I am. I've got scars in places scars don't belong that for the longest time - in my eyes - jumped out and instantly marred any physical impression I might make and one thing I always was was vain about how I looked. Not full of myself but I liked looking a certain way and all I could see were those two damn scars. People ask for current pictures and that's perfectly normal but I had/have shit to get past. I can see it for silly now. Everyone has a scar or two somewhere, I've just got a few more than most and two are in bad places for me. I've never been conceited but I've always been confident but I lost that confidence for three years and it's only now starting to come back. I'm still not fully there yet but I'm getting there and I'm doing it on my time and it's working as evidenced by the amount of time I've spent out being social these past mornings.
I'm not looking for people to hang out with tomorrow or next week or maybe even not next month. I don't know, I have no plans besides those for the holidays and that's too far off to start talking about now. Some of the people I want to really talk to again are out of state or country so it's not all about people to hang out with.
It's about people in general and laying foundations. I'm offering myself up out there (in a purely pure way) for the getting to know. For the learning and the discovery of the magic inside people. For the people who may want to get to know me.
My friend said last night they envy my freedom and it made me think. I may have broken kidneys and I may throw up like a fountain but I do have that element of freedom a lot of people would like to have and I need to not take that for granted anymore. If I want to just get up and go, I can. I'm pretty poor but I'm holding my own and I can manage what I want or need. I feel pretty good. I've got this amazing gift of time and freedom and I need to stop wasting it.
I'm not just looking for online friends although I think that's a grand place to start a friendship. I'm not looking for stalkers, fans or groupies and I'm not looking to be anyone's stalker, fan or groupie (except you, Jeckles).
I guess I'm looking to take my life and my entire way of living in a whole new direction and it would be nice not to go there alone but I'm okay with that if it ends up that way even though I'm pretty sure it won't. I've spent years keeping people at arm's length away though and now I have to undo all of that and in the process pick up some new merry pranksters.
I'm not getting any younger and let's be honest - my kidneys could go at any time and change everything and I've finally gotten that through my thick head. I've got the means and opportunity to go a little hog wild for the next year or so so why the hell not go for it for myself and my friend last night who envied my freedom and for everyone who feels trapped in their current lives.
Now there's always that possibility no one is going to read this or respond to this or find me someone they want to get to know or hang out with but I'm willing to take that chance, it's part of putting myself out there. If not I can always go join the Monks on Mt. Tremper and live a life of solitude and monkitude.
I've finally come to that happy and internally content place. Sure there's always room for improvement and now that I've fixed the inside the outside needs some serious work before I go out and conquer the world but there's that happy medium where foundations can be laid and potential new partners in crime can be found.
It's time to start answering the phone and reaching out. It's time to stop pulling inwards and it's time to let the people that actually want to get to know me inside the gates. It's time to stop thinking people are doing me a favour talking to me and undercutting my own value (and no, I mean no one in specific so no paranoia allowed). It's time to find out what life as a moderately intelligent cougar with nice eyes is like. It's time to open my eyes to the things that are good about me while continuing to fix the rest. It's time to just fucken LIVE.
It's Autumn, I'm alive, I'm beating kidney failure, I'm feeling good inside and this is exactly what I had been hoping for all Summer. It's also been a pretty damn good month and I'm determined to keep that momentum going.
Hi, I'm Heather and I've just put myself out there. Completely vulnerable! Want to be my friend? I promise it will be strange but hardly boring.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Remembering Lt. Glenn C. Perry, FDNY - Then and Now (part of Project 2996)
Then, 09/11/09:
It's a difficult thing to sit and write a tribute to a stranger and make it real. It becomes even more difficult when the person you are asked to write about is one of the true fallen heroes. I was asked by
Project 2996 to remember Lt. Glenn C. Perry today. Lt. Perry was a firefighter with Ladder Co. 25 but he was also so much more than that.
He was a husband to his wife Peggy and a dad to children Glenn Jr., Meaghan and Caitlin. He was a teacher at the Fire Academy. He was a police officer who realized his true calling was to be a firefighter as his father was and his brothers are/were. He was a man with many friends and people who respected him, looked up to him, appreciated him and learned from him
Lt. Perry also became a firefighter to have more time to spend with his family. From all I've read of this man he was a dedicated family man who had wonderful relationships with his children and a love of cooking for his wife. He ran in the NY Marathon and was active in the FDNY community.
He was a good looking man as well, everything you think of when you think of a firefighter. There is a story I read that said when he was training to be a firefighter he would be spotted running up and down the stairs of the Eltingville station in Staten Island carrying an oxygen tank. He was dedicated to his vocation and his commitment showed through in all he touched. Another story told of his offer to help a friend paint his house and while the friend was at work, the entire house was painted. This was the sort of man Lt. Glenn C. Perry was.
Those who write about Lt. Perry are quick to say he was 'always laughing' and the sort of person you felt good being around. A man who seemingly had it all and could have stayed insulated inside his own happy world but he did not. Instead he chose to go into a line of work that requires you to risk your life for others and into this he went willingly and with enthusiasm.
Lt. Perry was a man who touched people, it's evident from reading the entries in his Legacy book that haven't stopped being added as time has moved on. This is a man who was surrounded with goodness in his life and he gave back with all he had every day of his life. I am sorry I did not know Lt. Glenn C. Perry but I feel as if I've come to know him reading about him for this tribute.
Lt. Glenn C. Perry was indeed a true American hero and it was my honour and pleasure to write for him and to remember him and all those who gave their lives that day.
I think the biggest 'find' I came across looking Lt. Perry up was this video I am posting. His wife Peggy is in it and it is a gathering of friends and family to celebrate the life of Lt. Perry. Not his death, his life. His spirit celebrated at a Memorial Picnic. It touched me, it made cry, it made me appreciate all that Lt. Perry did and sacrificed for the rest of us. It made me want to know this man and it made me want to run out and hug a firefighter. To see all these people here for this man 8 years later says so much more than anything I can say here.
In closing, thank you Lt. Glenn C. Perry. Thank you for your dedication, devotion and commitment. Thank you for giving the ultimate sacrifice. You and those who were lost with you will never ever be forgotten by myself and so many others.
God bless Lt. Glenn C. Perry, firefighters and those who serve their country and/or community and God bless America.
We will never forget.
_____________________________________________________________
Now, 9/11/11
Of my three tributes I had the most trouble with this one. It was hard enough to write the first time, the first responders deserve a special place in our hearts and our memories so I truly wanted to make this one special. I went on a bit of a journey to learn as much as I could about Lt. Glenn Perry that I hadn't learned the first time.
I was fortunate enough to come across a video (posted below) about Lt. Perry but also for all those in the FDNY and NYPD who were lost that day. When I contacted the man who made the video I discovered he was a cousin to Lt. Perry's wife Peggy. He was gracious enough to speak to me at length about Lt. Perry and it confirmed what I learned when I first looked him up - Lt. Perry was a special kind of man. The kind of man who truly embodied the spirit of what a firefighter is in his dedication to people. Lt. Perry was the one who would be found helping his friends or his neighbours any time they needed help. No asking required, if Lt. Perry saw someone who needed help he simply offered. I learned how the first video I posted was not a one-time event, there have been many annual gatherings to celebrate the life of Lt. Perry, not just the one video I had seen. I learned he was one of those rare souls who was genuinely liked be all who knew him and I learned how he made those around him feel good with his wit and smile and compassion. I could hear the affection in my new friend's voice with every word he spoke and I got off the phone feeling sad and happy at the same time. Sad at the loss of such a rare man and happy to know his family continues to celebrate his life and all the good he did and was and will always be.
This is the video I speak of, used with permission of its creator James Riley, it speaks for itself. Thank you for talking to me about Lt. Perry.
I still wanted more so I continued to search Lt. Perry and the next thing I discovered that touched me deeply was this breathtaking memorial in Washingtonville, NY that honours 5 fallen firefighters from the ares and Lt. Perry is one of them. The memorial sits in a park and is surrounded by bricks with the name of every first responder who gave the ultimate sacrifice on that day. In these two pictures you can make out Lt. Perry's name and assignments. I want to visit this park and see the memorial, I want to honour Lt. Perry and all the names there by going and saying thank you. The park and the memorial were created with money raised through donations and auctions for the bricks, just another testament to how deeply Lt. Perry and his fallen brethren touched so many of us.
The next thing I came across that made me tear up was an article about a man
whose name I remembered as he left a comment on my first post, Rich Hays. Mr. Hays is a Captain in his own fire department in Michigan and for years has been wearing a bracelet with Lt. Perry's name on it. He has never met Lt. Perry but he was so deeply touched by this man and the others that it moved him to become a member of that selfless group of people known as firefighters.
I attach a video now of Rich Hays carrying a flag for Lt. Perry and speaking of him at the Healing Fields where flags are being planted out of love and honour. Ten years later and this man is still deeply moved by a stranger, that is a rare and special bond.
I learned that Lt. Perry's son, Glenn Jr. is now a firefighter as well. Thank you, Glenn Jr.
Every once in a blue moon you may be lucky enough to come across a person who truly impacts you. These people are hard to find but when you do find them, you never forget them and what they meant to you. Lt. Perry really does live on in so many ways and continues to touch and inspire people. His Legacy book is full of people leaving words to say they remember, strangers and friends. I feel as if I too have made a friend in Lt. Glenn Perry and will continue to carry his memory and his love of life and helping others with me. Maybe the next time I see someone who needs help I'll stop and take the time to offer because it's what Lt. Glenn C. Perry, FDNY would have done.
Never forgotten, always loved, you continue to lead us Lt. Glenn C. Perry. On this day 10 years later I say thank you again and make a promise to try and be a better person in your honour.
In memory of and in tribute to Lt. Glenn C. Perry, FDNY.
Age: 41
Place of Residence: Monroe, NY
Location on 9/11: WTC
Occupation: FDNY
(written as a part of Project 2996, original pot 9/11/09)
It's a difficult thing to sit and write a tribute to a stranger and make it real. It becomes even more difficult when the person you are asked to write about is one of the true fallen heroes. I was asked by
Project 2996 to remember Lt. Glenn C. Perry today. Lt. Perry was a firefighter with Ladder Co. 25 but he was also so much more than that.
He was a husband to his wife Peggy and a dad to children Glenn Jr., Meaghan and Caitlin. He was a teacher at the Fire Academy. He was a police officer who realized his true calling was to be a firefighter as his father was and his brothers are/were. He was a man with many friends and people who respected him, looked up to him, appreciated him and learned from him
Lt. Perry also became a firefighter to have more time to spend with his family. From all I've read of this man he was a dedicated family man who had wonderful relationships with his children and a love of cooking for his wife. He ran in the NY Marathon and was active in the FDNY community.
He was a good looking man as well, everything you think of when you think of a firefighter. There is a story I read that said when he was training to be a firefighter he would be spotted running up and down the stairs of the Eltingville station in Staten Island carrying an oxygen tank. He was dedicated to his vocation and his commitment showed through in all he touched. Another story told of his offer to help a friend paint his house and while the friend was at work, the entire house was painted. This was the sort of man Lt. Glenn C. Perry was.
Those who write about Lt. Perry are quick to say he was 'always laughing' and the sort of person you felt good being around. A man who seemingly had it all and could have stayed insulated inside his own happy world but he did not. Instead he chose to go into a line of work that requires you to risk your life for others and into this he went willingly and with enthusiasm.
Lt. Perry was a man who touched people, it's evident from reading the entries in his Legacy book that haven't stopped being added as time has moved on. This is a man who was surrounded with goodness in his life and he gave back with all he had every day of his life. I am sorry I did not know Lt. Glenn C. Perry but I feel as if I've come to know him reading about him for this tribute.
Lt. Glenn C. Perry was indeed a true American hero and it was my honour and pleasure to write for him and to remember him and all those who gave their lives that day.
I think the biggest 'find' I came across looking Lt. Perry up was this video I am posting. His wife Peggy is in it and it is a gathering of friends and family to celebrate the life of Lt. Perry. Not his death, his life. His spirit celebrated at a Memorial Picnic. It touched me, it made cry, it made me appreciate all that Lt. Perry did and sacrificed for the rest of us. It made me want to know this man and it made me want to run out and hug a firefighter. To see all these people here for this man 8 years later says so much more than anything I can say here.
In closing, thank you Lt. Glenn C. Perry. Thank you for your dedication, devotion and commitment. Thank you for giving the ultimate sacrifice. You and those who were lost with you will never ever be forgotten by myself and so many others.
God bless Lt. Glenn C. Perry, firefighters and those who serve their country and/or community and God bless America.
We will never forget.
_____________________________________________________________
Now, 9/11/11
Of my three tributes I had the most trouble with this one. It was hard enough to write the first time, the first responders deserve a special place in our hearts and our memories so I truly wanted to make this one special. I went on a bit of a journey to learn as much as I could about Lt. Glenn Perry that I hadn't learned the first time.
I was fortunate enough to come across a video (posted below) about Lt. Perry but also for all those in the FDNY and NYPD who were lost that day. When I contacted the man who made the video I discovered he was a cousin to Lt. Perry's wife Peggy. He was gracious enough to speak to me at length about Lt. Perry and it confirmed what I learned when I first looked him up - Lt. Perry was a special kind of man. The kind of man who truly embodied the spirit of what a firefighter is in his dedication to people. Lt. Perry was the one who would be found helping his friends or his neighbours any time they needed help. No asking required, if Lt. Perry saw someone who needed help he simply offered. I learned how the first video I posted was not a one-time event, there have been many annual gatherings to celebrate the life of Lt. Perry, not just the one video I had seen. I learned he was one of those rare souls who was genuinely liked be all who knew him and I learned how he made those around him feel good with his wit and smile and compassion. I could hear the affection in my new friend's voice with every word he spoke and I got off the phone feeling sad and happy at the same time. Sad at the loss of such a rare man and happy to know his family continues to celebrate his life and all the good he did and was and will always be.
This is the video I speak of, used with permission of its creator James Riley, it speaks for itself. Thank you for talking to me about Lt. Perry.
I still wanted more so I continued to search Lt. Perry and the next thing I discovered that touched me deeply was this breathtaking memorial in Washingtonville, NY that honours 5 fallen firefighters from the ares and Lt. Perry is one of them. The memorial sits in a park and is surrounded by bricks with the name of every first responder who gave the ultimate sacrifice on that day. In these two pictures you can make out Lt. Perry's name and assignments. I want to visit this park and see the memorial, I want to honour Lt. Perry and all the names there by going and saying thank you. The park and the memorial were created with money raised through donations and auctions for the bricks, just another testament to how deeply Lt. Perry and his fallen brethren touched so many of us.
The next thing I came across that made me tear up was an article about a man
whose name I remembered as he left a comment on my first post, Rich Hays. Mr. Hays is a Captain in his own fire department in Michigan and for years has been wearing a bracelet with Lt. Perry's name on it. He has never met Lt. Perry but he was so deeply touched by this man and the others that it moved him to become a member of that selfless group of people known as firefighters.
I attach a video now of Rich Hays carrying a flag for Lt. Perry and speaking of him at the Healing Fields where flags are being planted out of love and honour. Ten years later and this man is still deeply moved by a stranger, that is a rare and special bond.
One volunteer tied to 9/11 firefighter: woodtv.com
I learned that Lt. Perry's son, Glenn Jr. is now a firefighter as well. Thank you, Glenn Jr.
Every once in a blue moon you may be lucky enough to come across a person who truly impacts you. These people are hard to find but when you do find them, you never forget them and what they meant to you. Lt. Perry really does live on in so many ways and continues to touch and inspire people. His Legacy book is full of people leaving words to say they remember, strangers and friends. I feel as if I too have made a friend in Lt. Glenn Perry and will continue to carry his memory and his love of life and helping others with me. Maybe the next time I see someone who needs help I'll stop and take the time to offer because it's what Lt. Glenn C. Perry, FDNY would have done.
Never forgotten, always loved, you continue to lead us Lt. Glenn C. Perry. On this day 10 years later I say thank you again and make a promise to try and be a better person in your honour.
In memory of and in tribute to Lt. Glenn C. Perry, FDNY.
Age: 41
Place of Residence: Monroe, NY
Location on 9/11: WTC
Occupation: FDNY
(written as a part of Project 2996, original pot 9/11/09)
Remembering Lucille Teresa King - Then and Now (part of Project 2996)
Then, 09/11/06:
I was asked by Project 2996 to remember Lucille King this year. Mrs. King was a secretary for the Aon Corporation which had offices on the 92nd and 98th-105th floors of the South Tower. I immediately got to work on looking up what I could of Mrs. King's life.
One thing that stood out was the old saying 'big things come in small packages.' at five feet tall and 100 pounds, Mrs. King was a petite woman who had a spirit and personality twice her size. Married to her husband Richard for 31 years, Mrs. King was a woman of habit who always had a smile for those around her. Lucille King was one of those women who loved to live and lived to help those around her. She was a force of positive energy to her family and co-workers.
Mrs. King was a lifelong New Yorker and a creature of habit, living in the same Queens apartment with her husband for 31 years and spending Sundays in the city with her family. She was a devout Yankees fan and each game she attended with her husband also included a bet of 25 cents.
Reading her Legacy book I was touched to see family members and friends still posting memories and thoughts throughout the past eight years. It's easy to see this is a woman who was deeply loved and valued by those around her.
She was called 'Lu' by those who worked with her and as busy as she might have been, she was the sort of woman who never forgot to ask about a person's family while going about her duties. She was a genuine woman with a genuine sense of caring for the people in her life.
Aon Corporation lost 175 employees on September 11, 2001. 175 people like Lucille King who were there to work. Innocent people trying to live the American dream. Decent, hard-working souls like Lucille King who probably started the morning with a big smile and some words of cheer.
I have a feeling I would have liked Lucille King. I have a feeling working with her would have made the day a bit brighter and knowing her would have made my world a little happier. On this day eight years later I remember Lucille King and the person she was and her life that mattered.
God bless Lucille King. God bless America.
____________________________________________________
Now, 09/11/06:
On this tenth anniversary I went back to Lucille's Legacy Book age and was not at all surprised to see people still posting words of love and sadness, still expressing the tremendous loss they still feel when thinking of this lively woman who tried so hard to make others around her happy. I've seen words of comfort from all around the world for Lucille King even to this day. She has a niece and a sister-in-law who have not missed a year gone by without posting something to remember this special woman and the wonderful and full life she lived.
I said in my original tribute how I thought I would have liked Mrs. King and how working with her would have made having to go to work a happier place. We all know someone like Lucille T. King, someone who goes above and beyond in trying to care for others. We can take a lesson from Lucille King's life and appreciate these people a little more and maybe even do something kind for someone for no reason in honour of this woman who loved so much and cared so freely.
Lucille King, you are not forgotten. Not by the friends and family who will always miss you but by the strangers such as myself and the others you touched with your story after your death. It's a testament to a life well-lived and a person well-loved when ten years after they are gone they can still touch the heart of a stranger.
We remember, Lucille T. King. I remember. Neither you, that day or any of the others senselessly lost will ever be forgotten.
In memory of Lucille Teresa King
Age: 59
Place of Residence: Ridgewood, NJ
Location on 9/11: WTC
Occupation: Aon Corp.
Another guestbook page for Lucille King here
(written as a part of Project 2996, original pot 9/11/09)
I was asked by Project 2996 to remember Lucille King this year. Mrs. King was a secretary for the Aon Corporation which had offices on the 92nd and 98th-105th floors of the South Tower. I immediately got to work on looking up what I could of Mrs. King's life.
One thing that stood out was the old saying 'big things come in small packages.' at five feet tall and 100 pounds, Mrs. King was a petite woman who had a spirit and personality twice her size. Married to her husband Richard for 31 years, Mrs. King was a woman of habit who always had a smile for those around her. Lucille King was one of those women who loved to live and lived to help those around her. She was a force of positive energy to her family and co-workers.
Mrs. King was a lifelong New Yorker and a creature of habit, living in the same Queens apartment with her husband for 31 years and spending Sundays in the city with her family. She was a devout Yankees fan and each game she attended with her husband also included a bet of 25 cents.
Reading her Legacy book I was touched to see family members and friends still posting memories and thoughts throughout the past eight years. It's easy to see this is a woman who was deeply loved and valued by those around her.
She was called 'Lu' by those who worked with her and as busy as she might have been, she was the sort of woman who never forgot to ask about a person's family while going about her duties. She was a genuine woman with a genuine sense of caring for the people in her life.
Aon Corporation lost 175 employees on September 11, 2001. 175 people like Lucille King who were there to work. Innocent people trying to live the American dream. Decent, hard-working souls like Lucille King who probably started the morning with a big smile and some words of cheer.
I have a feeling I would have liked Lucille King. I have a feeling working with her would have made the day a bit brighter and knowing her would have made my world a little happier. On this day eight years later I remember Lucille King and the person she was and her life that mattered.
God bless Lucille King. God bless America.
____________________________________________________
Now, 09/11/06:
On this tenth anniversary I went back to Lucille's Legacy Book age and was not at all surprised to see people still posting words of love and sadness, still expressing the tremendous loss they still feel when thinking of this lively woman who tried so hard to make others around her happy. I've seen words of comfort from all around the world for Lucille King even to this day. She has a niece and a sister-in-law who have not missed a year gone by without posting something to remember this special woman and the wonderful and full life she lived.
I said in my original tribute how I thought I would have liked Mrs. King and how working with her would have made having to go to work a happier place. We all know someone like Lucille T. King, someone who goes above and beyond in trying to care for others. We can take a lesson from Lucille King's life and appreciate these people a little more and maybe even do something kind for someone for no reason in honour of this woman who loved so much and cared so freely.
Lucille King, you are not forgotten. Not by the friends and family who will always miss you but by the strangers such as myself and the others you touched with your story after your death. It's a testament to a life well-lived and a person well-loved when ten years after they are gone they can still touch the heart of a stranger.
We remember, Lucille T. King. I remember. Neither you, that day or any of the others senselessly lost will ever be forgotten.
In memory of Lucille Teresa King
Age: 59
Place of Residence: Ridgewood, NJ
Location on 9/11: WTC
Occupation: Aon Corp.
Another guestbook page for Lucille King here
(written as a part of Project 2996, original pot 9/11/09)
<-- Steal me!
