WebKittyn Warbles

(repost from last year, it said all I needed to say)

Two Three Four years ago yesterday today our sweet little kitten died. His name was the Great Catsby and he never had a chance. He was pulled from his mother too young, dumped in a cage and left to sit day after day in the litterbox with no one caring. They lied about how old he was and disregarded the fact that he needed to be in an experienced foster home for a few weeks and let him be adopted.

We only had him a week. He was loved, he was held, he was given toys and lots of pets. He loved to sit in my lap and catch the sun. The day before he got sick he was trying to steal my Doritos.

He collapsed and never came back. Official diagnosis was 'fading kitten syndrome' but I never really accepted that. The shelter did him wrong, the first vet did him wrong and took him off the fluids.

He was just a kitten and it was only a week but I loved him dearly and I still cry when I think of him, I still feel like I failed him too. I had him cremated and his ashes are in a tiny blue marble urn next to my bed by Claude.

I loved you, Catsby. I just wanted to say you are not forgotten, you will never be forgotten.

Even though three years have passed I still cry on occasion when I look at the urn or these pictures of him with Tempy. Little guy really got to me. Much love, Catsby.

I haven't written anything but cat stuff in a while, I need to get back to regular updating. I find myself getting cranky when I don't get the thoughts out of my head (like I need a reason to get cranky - HA!) so it's back to updating even if I don't have anything of any value to say.

Life continues on. The test results were pretty much what I thought they would be - no change. Kidneys don't regenerate so I knew they wouldn't be better but it was a relief to know they hadn't gotten any worse in three years. The EGFR still read 20% so it was nice to know in my three years of self-sabotage I didn't do any damage.

The one bit of good news he did give me was the order to get the graft deflated. Because it's a graft they can't take it out so I'm stuck with this piece of plastic in my arm for eternity but apparently they cut you open, make an incision and deflate the thing. No more pulsating alien baby in my upper arm, I'm looking forward to that. Opening conversations with "want to feel my pulsating alien baby that lives in my arm?" tends to scare people away.

Still no definite answers on the throwing up, the kidney doctor says it's a GI issue, the GI doctor says it's the kidneys. I'm not really all that sure I want to know, I'm not keen on spending a few days in the hospital while they test and test and test. I've learned to deal with it and the people close to me have learned to deal with it so for now I'll pass on the testing. Some days I'm just going to be useless and weak and I'll stay in bed and barf, just how it is.

People continue to amuse and confuse me. I've been blown away lately by friends I didn't know I had, old and new. Someone called me lucky, I guess in some ways I am. I have no shortage of caring friends I can turn to when I need them and it's really been shown lately. Others confuse me with things unsaid and hot and cold temperatures and walls I'm too short to get over. Justified walls but I don't climb well. Others amuse me to no end with their antics, it's just been a very people-oriented couple of weeks for me and that's something I'm not used to lately. I'm liking it, bring on the people.

I find myself making a crapload of plans for Fall and Winter, it's easy to get lost in daydreaming of all these things I want to do and places I want to go. I can't help but wonder how much of it will actually come to fruition though, where does the daydreaming and and the reality start? I know I plan on having more fun than I have in three years but the where when how and with whom are factors yet to be fully determined (besides going out on an eating spree with Andy Gee because he's definitely the Lord of Good Food in the Westchester area).

Thinking a lot about relationships lately. Friend A's dumbass of a husband just walked out on the best thing he ever had and ever will have and it makes me sad to see my friend sad. Friend A does not deserve to go through this and her husband is an ass. When he wakes up and pulls his head out of his ass and see he took a large dump on the one person in the world who loved him like no one else maybe he'll open his ass-eyes and go crawl back to her and beg her forgiveness. Friend B is going through some really intense shit in their current relationship and it's really deep and damn near killing my friend and that damn near kills me. Nothing I can do or say is worth shit in this one but at least I'm there to listen and sometimes that's enough. Friend C is just starting something that has potential and should be in that giddy happy state but they're not as half of that one doesn't believe in sharing feelings and the other half is the complete opposite. I was talking to her this morning and you could just hear how into this dude she is but he's like a stone. I told her to give it some time, people are wary and sometimes it just takes time to get people to open their hearts. That's one situation I know on a firsthand personal basis so on that one I felt qualified to give some advice..

I've been neglecting the new site, the music is almost ALL CLEANED (can I have a hallelujah, please) and I'm determined to finish SAM once and for all, without Meathe. I've got people I trust enough to let them access my drive if I can't get it so I'm working my ass off to get this done, finally. I've held back on advertising and such because I didn't like the product enough but with SAM going, all will be golden.

Weird moods here lately, strangely emotionally needy for me. I'm not an emotionally needy person (unless we're talking about Darkstar who constantly gets whiney texts asking 'where is the loooooove?') but lately I've been like that. I'm not entirely sure I like it, I'm sort of hoping it goes away and I go back to the stoic. In the interim I'll just pester Darkstar even more and whine for hugs on facebook! *snickers*

Got a strange email today I haven't had time to process yet. In no way a bad email, just not something I was expecting to get from a person I wasn't expecting to write out of the blue so along with a smile comes processing. May take me some time to correctly word a reply but there will be one. Anyone who actually manages to genuinely surprise me is definitely worthy of a well thought-out reply, I don't surprise easy.

My beloved chatroom is back at RTVZone so I've been hanging out in there with the like-minded crazies who got attached both to Big Brother and the chat community. This was a big yay for me, I honestly went and registered on EVERY one of the major Big Brother sites and each and every chat was a bust. I don't like the IRC format, the chats went by too fast, the people were idiots, they were all kids, etc. Screw that, I found a home and I'm glad it's back and that's where my ass will be until the last houseguest is out of the house or Rachel implodes on the live feeds an we all get to see it.

So that's where things are at for now. I woke up with a smile and life overall aint that bad for the moment. Could be better but I'm not complaining (much). I never know what I'm in store for when I wake up these days and that's kind of exciting.

I promise to go back to regular updating, I just re-charged my blogging battery.

VIVA LA GOONCH

I've said for a long time that I prefer cats to people. I guess that's why I've stopped writing about people lately and it's been about cats. Particularly with the way I feel lately about people, I say bring on the cats.

I couldn't let another year anniversary go by.

Last year at this time I was in a down period. Between the kidneys and being sick and the rest of it, I was just bleh all time. My mother was volunteering then at the Dutchess County SPCA in Hyde Park and she told me they had a few kittens up for adoption that weren't babies but were still young.

I went with her the next day just to see them and that was that. He found me.



He had no fear from the moment he saw me in the cage. There were three of them and I would have gone nuts trying to figure which one to take but he was the first one to come running right up to the cage door mewling. I took him out and right away he was purring and playing with my hair and licking me like I was his mother. I sat on the floor with him for close to an hour and he never once tried to run away. He nuzzled, purred, played and won me over right then and there.

Needless to say he came home with me and became the Sir Edmund to the already-here Sherpa and Hillary. Of course I was a little worried about adding a new kitten to the brood but the fearless little beast I saw in the shelter was no act. As soon as he got home he was out and exploring and hopping around and playing with every toy he could find. I was sitting on the bed watching him and all of a sudden he jumped all the way up to the bed, mewled at me, curled up and went to sleep next to me until he discovered a window seat right there with a view. He was home.

Over the past year he's grown into a one of a kind cat, I am so taken in by him it's not funny. I'm the only person he really loves, Darkstar calls him the Barn Cat. Every time he sees Darkstar he hisses and shows his teeth and swats at him. It's not nasty, it's rough play but he doesn't do that to me. He tolerates my mother but he goes to bite her if she pets him too long.

I'm his person. He licks my nose and sits on the back of my chair when I'm on the computer and comes for loves and purrs. He would easily be the alpha if not for Tempy and there's just something about his tan-copper-honey colour that I find beyond cute and endearing.

He still barns out on me now and then. He does this chattering thing when he's had enough pets and I guess it's supposed to intimidate me but I find it funny as hell. His mouth opens and these weird chattery noises come out and it just makes me poke his barn ass.

His full name is Sir Edmund Charles, the Charles after my dad. He's definitely my beta and he's brought so much joy and sunshine to the past year. I can't wait for many more years of Barn Cat love!

I couldn't let the day go by without writing something. Six years ago yesterday Darkstar brought home what would become my best friend and confidante and I need to wish him a Happy Tempiversary!

Six years ago Darkstar was at work and it was raining like crazy. For some reason he discovered some cats drowning in a drainage ditch outside of his job. The mother rescued one kitten and took off, leaving two stuck. He managed to save them both and they spent the rest of the day with him at work in a box with warm blankets and food he sent the stock guy out to get.

One was black and white and looked like my first cat Claude and the other was grey and white. The black and white was healthy and ready to rock, when he brought them home I took her out of the box and ZING, she was off and running and hiding behind the fridge. The grey guy was in bad shape. He had been stuck under the fence in the ditch and was sliced open on his side, had a deep gash on his head and had been deprived of oxygen for a few while he was stuck.

Luckily for us we knew good people who love cats, Bob immediately rose to the occasion and offered to take one of the kittens. This was a good thing, we knew whichever one we picked would have a safe and loving home.

I initially wanted to keep the girl because she looked like Claude but Darkstar convinced me to keep the boy and I agreed. I was home all day, I could take care of the little guy.

They were young, they were estimated to be about 5 weeks old and ours was in really dire shape. We immediately moved the mattress off of the guest bed and stuck it in the middle of the living room and that's where I slept for the next three months.

He needed to be bottle-fed. He needed three different medications two and three times a day. He made himself a home inside a cat condo we had and he would teeter out to use the little litterbox we had there and he would topple over in pain, breaking my heart with every step.. I would hold him and purr into his fur and lick his head like I thought a mother cat would do. Claudie was amazing, he immediately took to the little guy and would lick him and lay by him.

Slowly he began to heal and eventually he was well enough to wander around the living room. He found a hidey spot under and when he poked his head out he looked like a rat so he was named Templeton the Rat Cat after Paul Lynde's Templeton from Charlotte's Web. His head had a permanent tilt to one side the vet said was from being deprived of oxygen. We were told he would "never jump" and "never be graceful."

Seven months later Claudie died and I thought my world was ending. My first cat, my first love and my best friend of 10 years. I had never lost a pet that was truly mine and I wasn't prepared for the severity of the loss and what it did to me. I'm not sure I would have made it through without Tempy, I spent a lot of time crying on soft grey fur. He would walk around and look at the places Claude used to sleep and he would start yowling for him which would immediately send me into hysterics. We got each other through that time.

In the six years I've had Tempy he's been there for the loss of Claude and The Great Catsby. He was there for me when my father got sick. He got me through 8 weeks in the hospital looking at his pictures and wanting to go home to my Tempy. He got me through my father's death and continues to do so when I feel the tears coming on. He loves me like no one else and doesn't care when his fur gets soaked, I think he understands.

Six years later the vet was wrong. He jumps like a pro, he's graceful as any cat and he loves being up high. His head still tilts but that only makes him cuter. He's spoiled rotten and the others all know he is the Alpha in the house. He knows all my secrets, has seen me at my best and my worst, never judges me and doesn't care if I'm sitting next to him throwing my brains up.

Thank you for six years of being my cat, Templeton. Here's to the next six and the next after that!

Tempy when he first came to us, sick and tiny:


Tempy and Claude, the original "Evils":


Tempy today. Fat, happy and loved:

So I was skimming something earlier and I had to laugh my ass off at it.

Most of my regular readers know exactly who the "White Whale of Pa." is and why I absolutely cannot stand the bitch. How everything about this chick makes my skin crawl from her disgusting face to her pompous superior attitude to her one-time pathetic attempt at trying to lay down a set of rules for life I was supposed to follow if I wanted to be friends with her 'man.' Friends. I don't follow rules given to me by insecure obese women in 'open' marriages who like to take truth and twist it. She made a big scene a year or so ago, left a long and utterly ludicrous letter to me on her LJ, the whole thing was comical. Little slutbag has her online boy toy from the other side of the country whom she loves along with her husband who was at one time a good friend. Once it became clear that her plan was to have her cake and eat it too and lay the smack down on a FRIENDSHIP I quickly got out. Took the time to reply to skanky and haven't spoken to him since. Stupid bitch made me lose a friend I cared for but I suppose I should thank her in the long run for showing me that my friend was a spineless man-pet who likes being told what to do and when to do it and how to bark.

All this time later and she's still going on about "some stuff came up which shook my security in our relationship--hell, in my decision-making ability as a whole--from which I'm still recovering given that I've always, without fail, been a ridiculously secure person." OVER A YEAR LATER!!! Honey, it wasn't a big deal. You took a friendship and twisted it, you tried to dictate laws and rules, you were acting like the Princess Bitch and your husband was reaching out to a friend, nothing more. Funny how those who feel the need to tell the world how secure they are are really the least secure and need to say it so maybe they'll believe it. You're still going on about that??

Do I miss the friend? I did for a while but who wants a friend who has to ask permission to talk to you and then runs back and shares every word YOU said (not what they said) with the lunatic? Not this chick. Do I miss him now? Nope. I'm an adult, I prefer to live my life within the laws of society on my terms and I don't have a lot of respect for people who have to have permission to do or say anything. My ex tried to tell me not to talk to certain friends and instead of going forth with wedding plans I walked out. At least I can say I think for myself, control my own choices and no one is going to lay down laws for my day to day.

So why does she feel the need to open her blow-hole and spew this shit once more? Get the hell over it. You got what you wanted, you bullied your way into making sure your husband lost WD and the friends he had made in ImmVille along with the respect of her peers. You put him back in your cage where he may only speak to those you deem fit (which translates to anyone she feels is below her, if she can feel smug and superior it's all good so I guess that was a compliment to me). Stop already, please. Stop acting like I met up with your man at the freaken' hotel and did anything, this was an online friendship and there is no reason for you to bring it up now and claim to STILL be 'wounded" unless you're looking once again for attention or affirmation or validation. Maybe it's the mental issues she loves to brag about like some noble suffering victim of life.

In any case, I have no idea why she felt the need to do this and why she's still hanging on to something that was never there over a year ago. Continue on in your weird little version of what a marriage is and stop writing about me even in vague references. You're even more damaged than I thought you were if you're still bothered by nothing and claiming you were right about nothing. Did it feel good to be right in your eyes and crack that leash on him? Did you think you accomplished anything because I was the one who said this shit is crazy and decided I wanted nothing to do with my friend because he was married to an insecure head case with a God complex?

Enough already. Don't you have a husband to get back to walking or a boy toy on the west coast to proclaim your love for? Leave me out of it, my life is stable and on an upswing and I have nothing to do with any of you so shush and shoo!

This is why we hang out with males. Males don't do shit like this. Woman are batshit.